


You're Gonna be Okay

by SouthernLolita



Series: Marvel Omegaverse [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Bottom Loki (Marvel), Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Depression, Extremis, Fertility Issues, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Poor Loki, Protective Steve, Tony Stark Has A Heart, bucky is oblivious, no grammar Nazis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-01-29 16:08:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 66,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12634530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernLolita/pseuds/SouthernLolita
Summary: ~I know it's all you've got to just be strong. And it's a fight just to keep it together, I know you think that you are too far gone, but hope is never lost. Hold on don't let go. Just take one step closer, put one foot in front of the other. You'll get through this. Just follow the light in the darkness...You're gonna be Okay.~There are moments in life that shake you to your core, they will break your heart and make you question why you bother trying. We berate ourselves, we see all the wrongs and never any of the rights. Sometimes you need someone there to say. "You can make it, and when you don't think you can...I'll carry you."





	1. Prologue: One-step forward two steps back

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the next and final installment in this Marvel Omega verse Series. This series began with the work, “Where we land”, followed by “Say you won't let go”. It has been a pleasurable to explore these characters in this setting. The works up to this point have been spent building these relationships and watching them grow, in this work we shall see them put to the test. I hope you will all enjoy this journey as you have enjoyed those before.  
> As a side note, I am going to do something I have never done in a prologue before, and that's smut, well…light smut Normally I hold back the cookies like precious little gems but yeah...it just happened.

Florescent lights are not flattering on anyone; the stark white light tends to wash everything in a sickly pallor. James had insisted that the old bulbs after getting tired of them flickering out far too often. He shouldn’t have sent the alpha out to replace the fixtures alone. In hindsight, he should have seen it coming. Now he’s left with this, the cold hue of white light making his pale skin look almost grayish yellow. On the other hand, maybe it was, maybe he was just ruined and the sickness was finally making itself visible under the utilitarian hum of the cylindrical bulb.  
  
A knock startled him, back thumbing softly against the tile as he looked to the door.  
  
“Loki you almost ready in there doll?” James called, his voice penetrating the thick oak of the bathroom door.  
  
 _Go away…please just go…_ “Just a moment.”   
  
  
Outside, the Alpha was checking his watch once again as he tried not to glare at the closed door.  
  
Omegas and their primping, he sighed,   it was a wonder they made it anywhere on time. Loki had enough hair care products in their bathroom to stock a small salon.  
  
Poor James, most of his things had been remanded to a single drawer. Not that the alpha needed much in the way of beauty products. If he were honest, he would leave the house looking like a wild animal if it wasn't for his Omega. Loki took some strange pleasure in braiding his hair every morning before the alpha headed off to SHIELD and on the rare occasions when he would allow it –something more intricate as the styles on Loki’s home world. It was a quiet kind of bonding that they enjoyed in the early gray light of morning.   
  
James smiled at the memory then shook his head and wondered why he thought today would be any different. The alpha wasn't very upset though, what were a few moments extra if it helped his mate feel a bit more confident?    
  
Today especially, anytime they went into the city, more specifically Avengers Tower, Loki always felt like he needed an additional layer of 'armor'. Looking his best was Loki's way of showing he was still just as formidable, even if her wasn't the one standing in a court square demanding mortals to kneel.   
  
Therefore, Barnes leaned back against the wall and watched the second hand tick on.                  
  
They were supposed to go to the tower today to pick up Peter and Wendy. Having promised not only the children, but also the little ones parents, to take them out for ice cream. It had become a sort of tradition that once a month the kids would have a special play date with their uncles and spend the night. This would give their parents some much needed alone time.  Not that the two avengers were short on babysitters by any means, it was just that the rest of the pack was all under one roof and it was too easy to give into tearful little faces who wanted 'papa or  daddy'. It was also far too easy for Steve to check on the twins – which basically defeated the purpose of a planned date night.   
  
“I'll be right out.” Loki's voice sang through the door.   
   
His tone was even if a bit annoyed, hiding the disappointment well. Loki had become so good at hiding, delving deeper into his former title as the god of lies.   
  
The alpha had no idea what was really going on behind the dark oak that separated them. Later he would wonder why he didn't listen to those subtle tugs and pulls within their bond, why he chose to dismiss them as the usual strops that Loki was so prone to.   
  
Loki hadn't been fussing with his hair or tweezing his brows. He wasn't glaring at the mirror or changing into yet another shirt. This wasn’t just a matter of ascetics or a quiet need to be annoying because his alpha did something two or three days ago, that set him off – ‘revenge is best served cold James’.   
  
Truth was a far colder thing, staring back at the omega on a little plastic digital readout. The words **NEGATIVE** that bounced around in his brain like lead in a steel drum.   
  
**NEGATIVE.** _Failure ...you're a failure_ **NEGATIVE.**   _Why...why can't you even do this right?_ **NEGATIVE**.  _This is what you were designed for, yet you still manage to disappoint._ **NEGATIVE.**   _He'll leave you. Why would he stay with you?_ **NEGATIVE.**   _Monster. Your insides must be ice as well._   
  
“Doll, I hate to sound like a broken record but we gotta go if we want to make it through that traffic.”   
  
“Coming.” Dry your eyes, just don't say anything. Remember how disappointed he was last time. You don't want to hurt him like that again. Loki slipped on his mask heading out, looking as perfectly groomed as ever. Hair glossy and neat, brushed out of his face, wearing a black buttoned up shirt and well-fitted slacks. James always-said Loki looked like he was one-step from the runway at all times.   
  
“Mm, there he is.” James winked wolfish. “Ya know, if we didn't have somewhere to be.” The alpha started, hands settling on Loki's hips, “I'd be tempted to keep you in bed all day.”   
  
“What where you just saying about being late?” Loki retorted, gently removing his mates roaming hands. He smiled, it was a little weak but easy enough to believe. Honestly, he couldn't bear to be touched right now. Every ounce of tenderness just served as an ugly reminder to his own ineptitude.   
  
“Yeah you're right.” James purrs against his neck before pulling away with a chaste kiss. “Let's get goin. Don't wanna keep the lil squirts waiting.”  
  
Loki held his expression until his mate turned and headed out. “No...Wouldn’t want that.”  

* * *

  
  
  
“We gonna get to see Unca Bucky and Unca Loki?” Peter asked as his papa helped him into his outfit. He was a big boy but still buttons were hard. So it was okay to have papa's help. Papa always told them that asking for help was important because no one is perfect and you can learn a lot by asking. Even though Daddy never asks for help and Papa, gets cross with him. Papa says that’s just Alphas.  
  
Steve smiled and kissed his son’s forehead, “Yeah you are buddy, I bet you're real excited huh?”   
  
Truth be told, Steve was excited too. A whole day alone with his Alpha that didn't include hours in the workshop, missions, paperwork, or fighting giant angry robots hell bent on destruction. It was kind of wonderful.   
  
Peter nodded and looked over to where Daddy was brushing Wendy's hair and fixing it into two little buns on the top of her head the way she liked.  
  
“There ya go princess, now, which clips do you want?”  Tony asked the little one pulling out the little box of clips.  
  
Wendy had a little collection of hair clips that Auntie Pepper and Auntie Natasha got for her. There were even a few from Papa and Daddy in the box and a very special on her Uncle Thor brought to her from Asgard. “The yellow flowers.”   
  
“Stylish yet simplistic, Steve we have a little fashionista on our hands. She gets it from me obviously.” Tony said sliding the little yellow enamel daffodils into his daughter’s hair.    
  
The omega hummed in agreement while slipping on their son’s socks. “Wendy, Peter don't forget the special pictures you made for your Uncles. I know you worked hard on them.”   
  
 Peter and Wendy had been looking forward to this day for weeks. Every day closer had the pups nearly bouncing off the walls Tony was glad to have the little ones packed up and out the door for the day. He loved his kids, but he loved silence more, which in itself was funny considering a few years ago the alpha was all about noise and activity. However, he had since learned the value in peace and quiet.   
  


* * *

  
  
“Unca Loki!!!!' Peter cheered running to the elevator as soon as Jarvis announced the pair’s arrival. Wendy wasn't far behind with her own happy little sequels.  
  
James shook his head and greeted Steve. “Man I guess I'm chop liver.”  
  
“I wouldn't be too offended buckaroo, Petey pie was super excited about watching the dogs poop at the park just last week so...” Tony quipped from where he was gathering up the kids backpacks.   
  
 Peter and Wendy were already excitedly talking and clamoring all over Loki who seemed to take the attention in stride. He knelt down and nodded with rapt attention at their little stories and the 'show-and-tell' period of what they decided to wear today.  
  
“We'll have them back tomorrow after lunch.”  
  
“Or before yeah ya know if they need us. Peter has a spare pair of glasses and Wendy's inhaler is...”  
  
“Steve...we got this” Bucky assures. He knows that since finding out that the twins had a few mild health problems from Steve's genetics. It had taken a toll on the omega but the pack had rallied around the couple and their pups.   
  
Tony was already kissing the kids goodbye and surprisingly doing well with a little bit of small talk with Loki. The two of them had learned to coexist better in the last year. Tony had a strange ability to forgive almost anyone, given the right amount of time and motivation the billionaire could come around to anyone's side. That could be construed as both a good and bad thing, depending on who you ask.   
  
“How’s things over at Camp X-brats, you guys do macaroni art and roast marshmallows with your eyes?”   
  
Loki rolled his eyes, “Cute Stark, your quips are ever so witty. Things at the school are going quite well. My students are all skilled beyond their years, in fact, I should suspect that the future crop of super powered villains will be even better than the last. “He smirked.  
  
“Not funny, you are not funny Reindeer games.”  
  
“Oh come now I am a little funny.”  
  
Peter jumped up and down “Unca Loki is real funny.” His sister promptly disagreeing and showing her favor toward her Uncle Bucky. This then dissolved into a “nu huh and ya huh” shouting match.   
  
Steve clapped his hand behind them and the children fell silent. “Enough of that. You both know better. We use our inside voices and we don’t argue.”  
  
The chorus of “yes papa” seemed to be enough to get them off the hook for now.   
   
Barnes laughed watching the display, “buddy, if your ma could see this.” The soldier chuckled and wiped his eye. “Ok, ok, time to go you little heathens. March!!”   
  
Wendy snapped to attention, her twin not far behind as the little ones marched exaggeratedly to the elevator, Loki following close behind holding their little overnight bags.   
The trip from the tower to the ice cream parlor wasn't terribly eventful, aside from the usual city traffic and idiot drivers. Loki put on a movie for the children while they headed out of the city.  He found himself watching them in the rear-view mirror, Wendy little blonde pigtails glinting like spun gold in the sun, Peter concentrating so hard on the film with his big brown eyes. For a split second, Loki replaced those features in his mind’s eye.   
  
A little, raven haired girl with cool blue gray eyes, or a boy with messy brown hair. His heart even faltered when he considered a tiny baby in a car seat with soft robin’s egg skin and glittering ruby orbs.  It was painful to know that he would even want that, he would gladly take that. Years ago, he would have rather choked to death on his own blood than admit parentage to such a child....but now.   
  
Now he felt empty and wondered what it would be like to look in that often-empty back seat and see it filled with pillows and car seats, toys and other distractions. Would his little one wail in the night and James, as kind as his alpha is, take the babe out for a late night drive just to lull them to sleep? Would they be like this one day? Driving into the city so that their children could spend the night with their elder cousins?   
  
Or would that backseat always be empty? Just like him...cold and desolate. Would his alpha one day realize the fatal flaw and leave him to rot?   
  
“Unca Loki! I gotta potty!” Wendy announced squirming in her seat.   
  
James sighed and started looking for an exit, “Munchkin what did your Omega say about going before you left the tower?”   
  
“Its fine I'll take her in” Loki mumbled looking in the glove box for toilet covers and sanitizer. Norns knew what one could pick up in rest area toilets. He could use magic to make them spotless but even then,…one never could be too careful.   
  
“That's not the point.” The alpha sighed as he pulled into a roadside eatery. This one boasting the _‘best burger in the tri-state area’_. Lovely, nothing says professional like a cartoon cow telling you to come take a hunk out of his ass. Delicious… “The point is we shouldn’t have to stop.”  
  
“Papa told me to and I did!” Wendy simpered in her seat. “But now I gotta go again!” She pouted and squirmed. “Pleeeeaaaseeee”  
  
“We’re stopin munchkin don’t worry.”  
  
Emergency bathroom stops aside, they were able to make it to their destination without incident.   
  
  
_What’s the Scoop,_ was a quaint little place. They had a 1930’s theme that James seemed to always enjoy. The place was owned and operated by several young ladies who always tried to great their regular customers by name and remember their usual orders. It was charming and the children also enjoyed the activity and coloring pages at each booth.      
  
“Hey their Barnes’ how are you guys doing!” One of the girls greeted as they walked in. “And you brought my two favorite little pups!” She squeals and knelt down to say hello to the twins.   
  
The other young woman smiled from the counter, “The usual cups and parfaits of the kids?”   
  
Thank goodness for those two, “Thank you Irene, actually I received the text alert to your new flavors?” Loki commented while James squared the little ones away in the booth.   
  
“Sure did,” She smiled and gestured to the case “These are pretty popular in Japan so I thought why not give the customers something new to try out. Whichever flavor is most popular we will keep on the menu. The green one is Green tea, that kind of reddish one is Azuki bean, the pale pink is Cherry Blossom. Wanna try one?”  
  
“Which would you recommend?”   
  
She thought it over a moment, “Cherry blossom is a light cake flavor with a hint of salt. If you want something sweet but not bug your eyes out.”  
  
“Very well, change my cup to that that then. James? Do you want to try something else?”   
  
“No… Wendy sit down. Peter stop, Will you two…”  
  
Loki rolled his eyes and Irene hid a laugh behind her hand. “No worries, they will chill out once they get their treats.” She assured as she started working on their order. “Then you will have a good hour, hour and a half of sugar high before the pass out for a good hour.”  
  
She was right of course, the twin were immediately engrossed in their own ice cream and quieted down. Loki was already internally cringing at the sticky mess on both children’s faces. At least it wasn’t on their clothes yet.  
  
“Hey.” James reached over and took his hand. “You okay? Been kinda quiet.”  
  
The omega had no idea how long he had been mindlessly staring. “Fine, holiday break coming you know, have to test my students and calculate averages. Just thinking.”  His lie went over, if a bit shallow in effect. His alpha seemed satisfied enough and that was enough.  
  
“Don’t stress ok doll?”   
  
He hummed in return and took another bit of the sweet sakura treat. The salt reminded him of tears.

* * *

  
  
“Tony…” Steve wrapped his arm around his alpha that night in bed, snuggling up to the inventors back. He waited a few breathes before nuzzling a little more intently against the alphas shoulder.  
  
“What…”          
  
“I was just thinking, Peter and Wendy will be starting per-school soon, then kindergarten so they won’t be as much of a handful at least for most of the day. In addition, the team has grown a lot in the last few years. We hardly ever get called out on joint missions any more, I haven’t had an assignment in a few months actually.”  
  
Tony rolled over and eyes his omega, he had been up way too long.  Long gone were the days of 72-hour invent-a-tons, now he was beat after your standard workday and chasing around two little ones. Today had been a nice reprieve, he only had one SI meeting to attend then took Steve out to dinner at a nice fusion restaurant. A really classy sort of joint that you have to reserve a month in advance. All in all, it had been a good night. “Steve, if there’s a point to this I’d love to hear it babe. In 10 words or less if you can manage.”   
  
As much as he loved Steve he hd a long week and catching up on missed sleep with out tiny bodies sneaking into the covers at three am, sounded beautiful.   
  
“I wanna have another baby.”   
  
Stop, hold the presses. **HUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM**.  
  
“I’m sorry what? It sounded like. My ears....They heard...things, words that sounded as if you wanted.... nah you said you want another baddy right?  Since Reindeer Games is off the evil train, no worries schnookipus, I’m sure another evil drama queen from planet Euro-flare will come and ask you to come out and play.”   
  
Steve glare, “I’m serious Tony, we aren’t getting any younger and I want the twins to experience having younger siblings.”  Steve would never say it, but he also noticed more gray in Tony’s hair and part of him worried. He knew there was a chance that his aging would never quite catch up to normal and that he would lose his Alpha. He would spend years alone missing this man, but he would have Peter and Wendy. Maybe he just wanted more children because it in a way…those children would keep their fathers memory alive.  
  
Stark covered his face and chuckled into his palms. “Oh god, you Irish Catholics…allergic to birth control.” He pulled his hands away and looked into a pair of serious and longing blue eyes. “You know how hard it was with the twins. Are you sure you want to do that again?”   
  
Steve had thought about it, a lot recently if he was being honest with himself. Maybe the whole 'biological clock' thing was a big farce, but he still felt something. Just a few days ago, he had been packing up some of Peter and Wendy's old baby clothes to pass along to Pepper and Natasha. He sat there holding a pair of Wendy's little socks and almost cried. He missed it. “Yeah and… I think I’m ready to tell people. When the kids were young, I didn’t realize how much it hurt to have people look at us and think it was strange that two Alpha’s were raising pups. I guess I put it out of my mind because we had other things going on. Peter is getting older and I don’t want him to be ashamed about being an omega.”  
  
The alpha sat up and took in the seriousness of the conversation. Obviously, this little dialog had been going on in Steve's head a lot longer than it should have. At this rate, he was going to have a small sports team of kids. Not that he didn't love his kids or have the thought of more cross his mind; Tony just thought there would be more time. “You know I’m with you on going public, I would have called a press conference if you said so the day after they were born. I know how hard it is to stand up in front of the world and tell your secrets Steve, you know that. That said, you don’t have to be pregnant to do it.”   
  
“Tony it’s not just about being convincing. Look, last time - well we weren’t exactly ready. I wouldn’t change our lives now for the world because I love those kids and I know you do too; but I really want this. Not just for me but for us.” Steve reached out and took his alphas hands. “I want us to do this together.”  
  
“…don’t you puppy face me Rogers…no...Ah, damn it. There it is, the eyes and everything.” Tony leaned up and kissed the soldiers pouting lips. /that damn face and those damn eyes. This was why Steve Rogers should never be allowed to become a super villain. He will charm his way into world domination with and army of adoring fans. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, because right now- All Tony could thing of was how good Steve looked all swollen with those pups – his pups.  Damn his Alpha hindbrain. “Yeah, I’m so knocking you up again.” he nearly growled against his omegas growing smile. He wasn't wasting anytime it seemed, already climbing over the solider and pressing him into the mattress.   
  
Steve smirked and looked up at the smug alpha, “you know I'm not in heat right now.”  
  
“Let’s call it practice then. Gotta get little Tony back in the baby making mood ya know.”  
  
“Little Tony?”  
  
Stark smirked wolfish and ground his hips down against his husbands. “You're right, I'm lying...big Tony.”   
  
The blonde snorted, “Don't flatter yourself too much.”  
  
Tony faked horror and flopped back onto his side of the bed. “You wound me Steeebe...I am wounded. How dare you treat your alpha so cruelly you don't love me at all?”   
  
“Aww, is the big bad alpha sad? Do I have to give him a back rub and a cookie?” Steve sassed right back, rolling over to press up against his lover’s side.   
  
“I should make you do all the work, just lay here and let my superior genetics be taken like ripe apples from the tree of life.”   
  
Could this man be any weirder? Steve asked himself that multiple times a day, even so, he wouldn't have it any other way. Not when he watched Tony with the kids, or the bots. Not when he looked to the sky’s for that familiar flash of hot rod red.    

* * *

  
The firm touches over each muscle, combined with the reverence of each lingering kiss, left Steve tranquil. Tony's hand move slowly lower and lower. Then teasing across his groin. The omega spread his legs wider, encouraging his to explore. To reclaim familiar territory with every touch.  
  
A sigh escaped him as clever fingers sought out the soft opening pushing between his warm folds. Each languid movement complimented with kisses that traveled down his chest and abdomen. The soft scratch of facial hair sending a shiver up his spine.  He could feel the alpha smile against his skin with separately breathy shudder, the cocky snot.   
  
Steve let his head falling back and spine arch when those smug lips found a home around his erection.   
  
“Tony...”  
  
A rumbled chuckle makes this thighs quiver. The alpha looked up with hooded coffee colored eyes and hollowed his cheeks. Steve was a bit of a lightweight when it came to this, if his mate kept this up he’d be done for in a few minutes at best.   
  
Just when the soldier thought the world was turning to putty, his husband pulled back with a wet pop. “Get the lube babe.”  
  
Steve raised his head looking adorably disoriented and flushed from arousal. If Tony was honest with himself, he derived way to much pleasure in seeing the usually calm and collected Captain so unraveled. “Yeah… yeah ok.”  The omega wet his lips and stretched out an uncoordinated hand, fumbling for the little vial on the bedside table.   
  
“Look at you.” The alpha purred, sitting back on his feet as he caressed his mates blushing thighs. He loved that about Steve, he was so pale that he seemed to blush everywhere. Silk creamy flesh adorned with blotches of red, it was a feast for the eyes. “This is just a preview sugar, just wait till I get you on your knees all wet and dripping for me.” He said taking the bottle and dripping a cool slick line over the Omega’s primary and secondary sex. “Won’t even need this, you’ll be all hot and ready for me won’t you?”   
  
“Will you stop talking…” Steve groaned  
  
The alpha  chuckled softly before draping himself over his mate and pushing slowly inside. “So bossy. It’s a good thing you’re pretty.”


	2. Chapter 1: Mr. Barnes

“What are you doing you heathen? What is it- like six am? Right now? Who is awake at this godforsaken hour...super villains that's who. Steeeeeb don't do to the dark-side.” Tony groaned as the bed shifted and his wonderfully warm human pillow abandoned him. Anyone who ever said that omegas were all kind and courteous, obviously never met Steve Rogers on a scheduled. Some how his sweet handsome mate could magically transform into such a cruel slave driver.   
  
Stark was sure Steve had secretly taken lessons from Pepper in order to become truly evil. Maybe the woman even had a super secretive textbook entitled: _The Alpha-husbandry of Tony Stark –Care, feeding and psychological warfare. By Virginia Potts._ Anything was possible; the omega welfare council probably published it. He should really look into that. There could be some sort of nefarious plots in the works there. Alternatively, maybe it was his sleep-addled brain just trying to make sense   of why he was awake at a time like this. Especially when tiny knees in the ribs or sty fingers on his eyelids were not waking them up.   
  
They should be asleep or having some nice early morning lazy sex with the heat turned up and the covers in the floor. That glorious newly mated type shit they never really had the opportunity to do. 

“I need to go pick up Peter and Wendy.” Steve replied. As if fetching their pups at the ass-crack of dawn was just as natural, crucial, and breathing. God forbid Barnes might feed and water their mini-mes and have Rock of Ages drop them off all nap ready.   
  
Because then the omega would have to declare a national stare of emergency. Code, blue or red...fucking chartreuse who the hell knew what those colors were. Tony couldn't help but think that as a super hero he might actually want to know that. Mental note, learn the color coded danger scale – Steve probably knows it- Steve color coded all the twins clothes, hell...Tony's  sock drawer had been reorganized  a week after Steve moved into the penthouse. Then again, Steve knew weird stuff like that. Like the release date of military commemorative stamps, and where Wendy left her orange binky that she used to love and was forever losing in the penthouse.   
  
Why didn't he know that his alpha wanted to sleep in or do fun naked stuff. Mostly the sleep in part though is Tony was being honest with himself.   
  
God he was getting old.   
  
Tony flopped on his back and dramatically threw his forearm over his eyes. It seemed a safer bet to shelter in the make believe darkness than to look around at what Steve was doing. “They will be there at noon ya know.” The alpha groaned, “Better yet, why not have Buckaroo bring them to Shield and I'll just take you to work and pick them up then?”  
  
Steve looked back with an almost horrified expression. “My kids are not setting foot in Shield.” as if the organization that they both worked for...that all their friends worked for in some capacity- was going to go all baby snatcher the moment those little cherub faces stepped through the doors.  
  
 Actually... “Fine...”Tony grumbled after imagining Fury as the old kid-cooking granny in the Hansel and Gretel stories. Moreover, the dramatic swish of his matrix outlet mall coat. “But this early really?” he tried to appeal to his mates merciful nature; maybe this could wait a good hour or...four. Maybe…  
  
“Stop pouting or I'm not going to stop on the way back at that doughnut place you like.” Steve smiled and leaned over the bed rubbing his face against the alphas neck, eliciting a gravely purr that Tony would later deny because 'alphas don't purr. No sir.' “You want doughnuts don't you?”  
  
“Ok angel I suppose I can forgive you.” The alpha replied, sneakily warping his arms and legs around the blond like a clingy octopus in an effort to drag his wandering omega back down into the bed.  
  
 Steve could have easily resisted, he probably should have if he hoped to be dressed and promptly out of the door, he didn't though. He let his anti- morning husband tug him back down into a nest of warm sheets that still smelled heady with the activities from the previous night. Letting Tony have his way was easier sometimes, and maybe...just maybe a tiny bit of the omegas hindbrain liked that his mate wanted to keep him in bed. Considering the conversation, they had the night before there was a high probability they would be spending a lot more time in the bed or nesting room anyway.

Stark managed to maneuver both of them under the duvet and himself on top of the soldier, giving into the urge to return Steve's earlier scenting. Yes, omegas did purr and Steve sounded wonderful when he did.   
  
“Tony...Tony I have to...” The words were lost in keening little whine. Damn Alpha throwing those heavy 'stay' pheromones. Tony didn't do it often but when he did, it was enough to floor Steve like an elephant dart.  
  
“Gimme 10 minutes.” The alpha nipped at his ear grinding his morning erection into the soldier’s stomach.   
  
Yep, Steve was going to be late.

* * *

An hour later, 'damn it Tony', Steve was showering while his alpha snored, at least now he'd be able to dress in peace.  
  
Thankfully, he always got up a bit earlier than strictly necessary to plan for these little interruptions. Steve would be cutting it close if the kids were fussy about getting in the car though, Wendy more-so than Peter. . He toyed with the idea of taking one of Tony's cars instead of the trusty SUV that he insisted on when the twins were born. Maybe he'd take the mustang, Wendy loved that car, even though Tony had insisted they not use it frequently when the kids where still infants. The alpha firmly stating that 'a vintage mustang is not a car you put a car seat in Steve.'   
  
Steve shook his head and smiled at the thought of the little girls eyes sparkling at the sight of the midnight blue vehicle. So much like her father when it came to cars, Tony's rule fell by the way side on nights when Wendy had been fussy and only a trip around the city that never sleeps- was the only thing that would sooth the pup.   
  
They really should take the kids to a car show one of these days, or maybe Tony could take Wendy and have a daddy daughter day. Peter wasn't much for that sort of thing. Steve felt a warmth pool in his stomach thinking of his little ones, and maybe. Just maybe the little one not yet formed.  How would the twins feel about a little brother or sister? He was sure Peter would take to a new baby like a little duck to water. Omegas generally did well with siblings. If the baby were, an alpha Wendy might feel a little threatened at first but she would be a wonderful big sister.  In his minds eye Steve could picture the twins on either side of a little doe-eyed pup.   
  
Perhaps it was presumptuous to think of things like that. Yet it was hard not to, Steve never though he would ever have children, or even a mate. There was a time the omega never thought he would even make it to the New Year. Now he was here in the future, healthy and happy. Surrounded by a pack or amazing people with a mate who was both wonderful and exasperating at times, and had two little pups.   
  
Steve slipped on his training uniform, a soft smile on his face as he thought of how blessed his life in the 21st century was. Still, he knew the world wasn't always a beautiful or safe place. People still needed heroes and organizations like Shield to ensure the safety of the next generation. The world at large was ever changing and expanding as the human race advanced in leaps and bound. Things were so much better today than they had been in when he was growing up.   
Moreover, Steve knew that the world that his pups would shape could be even better.   
  
Zipping up his boots the Captain began to think less of home and more to his duty, today they would be working with a few unenhanced recruits so his shield would likely be tucked away in its case unless Coulson came in and asked for the old 'razzle dazzle' for the newbies. Steve thought maybe Coulson got more of a kick out of seeing the shield than the recruits did. Even so, there was a small part of the omega that preened under the wide-eyed admiration as he let loose the star emblazoned disc. 

Peeking in once more on his alpha, still drooling into the pillow, The Captain gathered up his duffle bag headed down to the garage. Hopefully by the time he had the pups fed and a dozen of Tony's favorite pasties in hand, the alpha would be wake enough to handle them for the day when he dropped the little ones off and headed off to the Triskelion. 

* * *

**Meanwhile at the Barnes' house.**

“I help?” Loki felt the tug on his pants before the little request was voiced. Looking down he spotted Peter. The little pup looked adorable, sporting a wild case of bed head and clinging to his teddy bear.   
  
It was a sight enough to warm any frozen heart, or perhaps to warm. The sweetness almost burning like fire in an already brittle and damaged heart. Not that the little pup would ever know. Or that Loki even understood the slight pain that pricked in his chest when he looked at the bedraggled little one whose chubby finger wrapped so innocently around the heather gray linen of his lounge pants.   
  
Loki hadn't slept well the night before and ended up rising with the sun to start breakfast, something he had taken to more often than not these days. Evidently, the little one shared some of his bearers early morning tendency and found his way into the kitchen where his uncle was cooking.   
  
Green eyes crinkled with a smile at the little pup. “Of course darling.” Loki said, picking the boy up onto his hip. “What would I ever do without such a bright little helper by my side?”   
  
Peter giggled and rubbed his cheek against his uncle’s shoulder affectionately, depositing a bit of his still milky baby scent. It would be a few years yet until the pup lost that sweetness.    
  
“What do you think your sister would like? Your Uncle James is partial to eggs and toast and I personally find bacon quiet pleasant.”  Loki asked, more so to distract himself than really look for an answer. He knew that the little one would literally eat anything, something James attributed to Steve.   
  
The pup thought for a moment, tapping his lip with one chubby little finger. “Wendy likes it when papa puts cheese in her eggs, I like pop tarts.”  
  
Loki frowned, “You've spent too much time with Thor haven't you?”  
  
Peter laughed and wiggled, “nooo!”  
  
“Yes, lucky for you, he spends too much time with me so we do have some of those - things in the cupboard.” Loki gestured as if the frosted toaster treats would hear him from the pantry and launch an attack at being insulted.  He moved to set the child on the counter and get a few more eggs for the pan. “Now my little helper, you have a very special job, you see...that bear you have there looks very hungry. So you will have to keep him from stealing any of the food.” **  
**

“Nu-huh, my bear isn't real he’s just fluffs, and fluffs don't eat.” Peter said confidently nodding his little head.   
  
Loki smiled, a year or so ago that would have worked. Peter would have sternly glared and watched his bear for any sign of thievery. Children grew so fast and became so bright, looking at the little boys twinkling brown eyes Loki knew this little boy would grow up to be just as smart if not more so than his alpha. However, it wasn't necessarily pride that Loki felt. More than anything, looking at the pup just hurt.  Peter was such a sweet child, such a gift to have him here but at the same time, he reminded Loki of all the things he could never have. Never would here be a bright little face sitting on these counters everyday asking to help make breakfast for their father. “What a bright boy you are.” he said, voice breaking with out his permission.   
  
“Unca Loki...why you crying?”  
  
The omega turned his back and brushed away the traitorous tears. “Oh it's nothing dear heart, just something in my eye.”   
  
Peter didn't seem to believe this and when his Uncle stepped back in reach he latched onto the man hugging him tightly, “Please don't be sad okay?”   
  
“I'm not sad, I am truly happy to have such a smart little helper.” the words were thin but the child let go. “Why don't you sit at the table and watch the timer for me?”  
  
The task seemed easy enough and Peter was so ready to help. So sitting at the table and watching an egg timer seemed like an obviously important job. It would also leave Loki with his back facing the child where Peter couldn't see his face.

* * *

When Steve arrived at the cabin, Bucky had Wendy on Duchess's back walking the little girl around the yard while she cheered happily. He would have smiled if he weren’t still so leery of the massive creature, though Steve knew Bucky would never let anything happen to Wendy. Still, this was a massive and potentially deadly creature from off world. Even if the beast recognized Bucky and Loki as its pack, accidents could happen. The unknown is a scary thing when you have kids.   
  
“Papa's here!” The little one yelled spotting him in the driveway.   
  
Steve leaned against the car and waved, thankful when Barnes lifted the pup off the cat-like animal's back and set her down on the grass. Wendy broke out into a run nearly colliding with his legs in her excitement. Already rattling off about all the fun, she had as her Omega lifted her up to his hip.   
  
“We got ice cream, then watched a movie 'bout ponies, then we had dinner and Unca Loki le'me have a big girl cup and I didn't spill or nothing! And today we had breakfast and I got eggs with cheese and then Unca James le'me ride Duchess. Did you see papa? Did you see?”   
  
“I sure did sweetie, how about you take a breath though ok?” Steve cringed hearing the little whistle in her chest. “Remember we talked about that?”   
  
Wendy nodded and curled up to her father’s chest and breathed, coughing a bit here and there.   
  
By now, James had made his way across the yard and rubbed his nieces back. “She's been pretty good, don't worry so much Punk. As I recall it there was another squirrelly little blonde I used to have to tell to relax.” He winked.   
  
Steve gave his old friend a soft chuckle and stroked his daughter’s hair. “She takes after Tony in that whole 'words verses air' thing. Still learning that her lungs don't always like that.”  
  
“Well come on in, Peter wanted Loki to read to him so they should still be up to that. We've got em all packed up so whenever you're ready, I think there's still some breakfast left over if you wanna fix yourself a plate.”   
   
“Thanks Buck, I would ‘a eaten a bite before I left but...” Steve trailed off mindful of the little ears so close.   
  
Barnes just laughed, “Yeah yeah, no details please.”   
  
The omega blushed which only made his friend laugh harder.

* * *

Peter reclined against his uncle’s chest as Loki read the story. He liked how his Uncle's voice sounded; it was almost as good as when Daddy read to him, daddy did all the voices in books. Papa was good at reading at night too because he cuddled and smelled good in a way that made him sleepy. It was different with his Uncle Loki, the way he spoke and even sometimes when his uncle would show him magic and make the pictures in the books step right off the page.   
  
Honestly, Peter didn't really care about reading this book much, but he thought maybe his uncle needed cuddles. Uncle Loki was a lot like his daddy, daddy wouldn't ask for cuddles even when he really needed them. That's what Papa said anyway. Sometimes big people were just like that and Peter thought it was so silly. If he felt sad, all he had to do was say so and someone would make him feel better. Why couldn't big people do that? When you got big, did saying you felt sad become bad?   
  
“There's my Peter pan.”   
  
Steve's voice drew the pair’s attention and Peters little head poked up over the pages. “Papa!”   
  
The little one wiggled down and scampered to his omega. Wendy wasn't too wild about sharing their  P apa at the moment and growled a little. Steve didn't mind though. He had long ago mastered the art of the twin carry.   
  
“Mind your manners pint size,” Barnes said tugging on Wendy's ear gently.   
  
Loki watched the little reunion, quietly putting away the book he'd been reading and working on controlling his expression. Seeing Steven with his little ones always did something to him. It was a sour kind of pain that almost pulled him down through the floor. In a way, Loki wished it just would. “I'll get their things” he spoke softly and drifted from the room.   
  
While Bucky didn't seem to notice, already in the kitchen fixing something for his friend, Steve noticed the other omega. In truth, Steve had noticed Loki's demur changing for a while now but didn't think it his place to comment. After all, he didn't really know Loki that well when he thought about it. The once villain tended to keep to himself. Not for lack of the rest of the pack trying, even Pepper had made an attempt to invite Loki out for brunch one Sunday afternoon. The man had kindly declined the offer begging off that he had things to do. What those 'things' were no one asked.   
This was different though, this was the usual – 'I don't socialize with mortals' air that Loki had from time to time, this was something else, something dark that clung on the tall slender man like a led coat.

Still, Steve thought if it was something serious then Buck would have said so. Could Loki be sick? Thor never got sick, unless your account for the time Clint bet that the other man couldn't eat his weight in Twinkies...that had been an awful mistake.   
  
Putting the kids down with the order to 'play nice', Steve headed into the kitchen. Bucky set a freshly microwaved plate down on the table, obviously something can't be forgotten. Steve smiled thinking back to all the times that his younger self had been forced to eat even when he was almost sure Bucky did without. “Thanks Buck”  
  
“No problem, not like I cooked it. Coffee?”   
  
“Yes please, so...Speaking of Loki...how is he?”   
  
Barnes shrugged his shoulders and poured a mug full, “Same, as always, he's a little testy about some things at school I think. Perfectionist ya know, wants those kids to be little geniuses I think.” The alpha laughed and poured himself another cup before sitting down. “He likes it though.”  
  
Stressed from work, yeah Steve guessed that could be it. It wasn't his business anyway. “You training today to or did Fury pull you for a mission.”  
  
“Weapons training, taking a few cadets out to the range. Barton's on roster with me.”  
  
“God be with them then...” Steve sassed between bites.

* * *

The house felt so empty.  
  
James had left with the standard 'love you doll,' and 'I'll stop by that place you like on the way home.'  It was thoughtful really, James was always so thoughtful when it came to things like that. His alpha wanted them to have a happy life.   
  
Maybe that was the flaw, James wanted that happy life so much that all he saw was a happy life. Sure, they had their fights, they could argue and slam doors, have knock down drag out screaming matches like the best of them.  Yet tempers cooled and words spoken in anger always had a way of fizzling out once logic came into play.   
  
It wasn't that Loki wanted to live a life a misery, the fact was...he already was. There was no one to blame for this failure but himself.   
  
Alone in this empty house.   
  
Without James, or their niece and nephew running around; Loki felt the silence bone deep. Even Duchess's soft snoring from the front porch did little to sooth the crawling under his skin.

_Busy yourself, you have an afternoon class you could go early if any of the children have questions. Stop this foolishness, stop this weakness, DO. NOT. BE. A. BURDEN._

He poured out a mostly full cup of tea and headed to get prepared for the day. It would have been easy enough to snap his fingers and dawn a familiar suit and vest. Somehow, Loki couldn't bring himself to do so. 

_You don't deserve to reach for your siedr, to feel the warmth of the power blessed through the branches of Yggdrasil. You were never worthy of its return, even with all this power...all this talent and capability. You are still broken._

Dressing was mechanical and routine, in a way – soothing. This could be enough, he thought, get through a few moments, then an hour, then day. Try harder and maybe, just maybe tomorrow won't feel like swallowing poison.   
  
One last glance in the mirror to confirm the mask: Proud, defiant, cold, intelligent, dangerous. It is better to be respected and feared than treated like beloved little lamb. Loki did not want or need anyone's pity.

* * *

“Good morning Mr. Barnes. Bit early for you isn't it?”   
  
“Dr. McCoy.” Loki greeted as he made his way through the halls. “I trust the morning biology courses went well.”  
  
“As well as could be expected, no explosions today.” Hank laughed straightening his lab coat. “Dr. Banner has agreed to come and give a guest lecture to the advanced chemistry class next week. The students are of course very excited.”  
  
Loki felt his spine chill from the mention of the avenger, perhaps a lingering reminder of having it crack on the penthouse floor of Stark's Gilded Tower. “I see, how fortunate for your students.” he said turning away. “If you'll excuse me.”

_Just keep going, forget the pleasantries. He is being kind because it is in his nature, the beta just wants to keep the peace._

If McCoy had a reply, Loki wasn't listening, already making his way down the halls to his modest office. The omegas demeanor wasn't unusual and both the staff and students knew this. The former villain had a habit of running hot and cold at the drop of a hat, however he was good at his job. He was talented and knew how to handle volatile young mutants who would otherwise end up slipping through the cracks.   
  
With Loki's strengths and talents, as well as his designation that made it easier for other omegas and shy betas feel naturally at ease. The first time one of the students hugged him, it felt so strange. Loki just stood there stiff as a board and looked down at the wide-eyed young girl, a girl who had been so scared of her powers. She was terrified of losing control and hurting someone.   
  
And he helped her.   
  
For the first time what he could do wasn't looked down on, for once he was just as valuable and not for the wrong reasons. To have someone look at him and believe that he was good, the way that James and his Mother believed. This place had been a godsend in a time when Loki was sure he would fall into darkness alone in the cabin. Even so, Loki had learned through his long life that trust was costly.   
  
He was polite, but distant and when Xavier asked, he declined to aid in the X-men's activities. Teaching was one thing, but he had no wish to pledge himself to any cause, he wouldn't spend any more of his life being a soldier under anyone's banner. Not Odin's, not SHIELD or the Avengers, and not the X-men. That wasn't to say he would walk away from a fight. Loki had been very clear with the professor that if the school was ever at risk, he would protect the students with his last breath.   
  
Despite Loki's chilly personality, there had been at least one person who slipped through.  
  
“Guten morgen! Loki!” The bright morning greeting proceeded a genial wave from a pointed tail.  
  
“Morning Kurt how are you?” Loki managed to smile, and it was genuine for once. When it came to Kurt Wagner, the x-men known as Night crawler, had managed to endear himself to the mage. In all honestly, Kurt was easy to like, he was kind and always looking after other. Despite how some may perceive the man due to his characteristics. Wagner was a kind soul and just the right person to connect with the fallen prince.  
  
“I am well, I saw Logan off a moment ago, and he and the team have some business to attend to. It looks like I will be taking over History class for today.”   
  
The omega nodded along and allowed the other man to fall into step next to him, “I suppose that means I shall have some additional work today as well.” This wasn't a problem, Loki had made himself knowledgeable in a myriad of subjects. Not to mention the thankful distractions additional classes would bring.   
  
“Ja, I think so, a full day for us both then.” Kurt laughed as they headed toward there respective classrooms. “I shall see you at lunch hour, do not forget again Loki. You are much too thin.”   
  
Loki assured the other omega that he would take care of his eating habits, faking a laugh and slipping behind the safety of a closed door. 


	3. Chapter 2: Things we ignore

Time felt like it passed differently at SHIELD. Of course, that wasn't the case at all (or at least not in a way, anyone could prove) still, perception was a funny thing.   
  
James knew all about perception, how it could be sharpened or dulled, how effortlessly truth could be twisted into a lie. And time? Well, time was whatever the men in the snappy suits said it was worth. That was one thing that had been true back in 38 that was still true today. Some things never change and that's not always a good thing.  
  
Sitting at the extended glass-top table, he flipped through the mission booklet. James knew what his time was worth. It was worth 7 days and 21 pages of small type and glossy photos of a man he'd never seen or heard of before today.   
  
That usually how these things went, even when he was the infamous Winter Soldier. Then again, maybe he still was- just with out the cold eyes behind his trigger finger. This time he'd remember it all because SHIELD was just ‘humane’ like that.   
  
Mighty big of them.   
  
Barnes wasn't complaining of course. Anything would be better than spending years in cryo or that damn chair. Even so, killing is still killing even when it’s for the righteous cause. Everyone thinks theirs is the best way and that's where shit gets so damn muddy.   
  
Thankfully, this wasn't that kind of job. Or at least the men in the snappy suits said it wasn’t.  
  
Speaking of this job, it was soon since his last trip out but Ms. Hill assured him that he really was the foremost man for the task. Barnes suspected that was because Steve had put in for family leave. That last thought sending a mild pulse of mutually pleasure and pain through him.   
  
Not so much for the Stark -Rodgers clan extension but rather that the Barnes' name looked like it was going to end with him. That was a whole other feeling he couldn't even grasp.  Every time he tried to sense what his omega was feeling about the state of affairs in their home- Loki was always one to throw up his walls.

_'I’m fine James; honestly, there is no necessity to fret over me. Do I appear like some maiden veiled in white needing your rescue?'_

No he didn't, but these days... James didn't know what to think.   
  


 _'My brother is prone to fits of ill temper.”_ Thor would say.  He wasn't wrong but still.   
  
The alpha furrowed his brow and glared up at the digital clock on the wall. There was never time, there was always something else pressing. Loki wasn't some modest omega that when all dizzy at the thought of his/her alpha being away. It was probably nothing.   
  
James sat and centered himself, trying to focus back on his mission and all the solid black and white order of it. However, there was even edges of gray in this assignment.   
  
What didn’t make sense was why Natasha was currently sitting across from him flipping through an identical folder. The red haired Alpha had been selected as his number two on this mission. It was a recon, basic two-person job, still, Natasha should be home with Pepper; not out in some smelly van for a week eating Doritos and skulking around some suspected terrorist safe house.

 _If it were him he would....nope._ Barnes squashed the thought before it could take hold. This wasn't about him; this was about his friend and...Pack mate? James hadn’t officially joined up with the Avengers but he imagined it was a similar bond on some levels. He honestly hoped Loki would one day change his mind about the rest of the team. It would help them all to have people they could rely on.  Natasha specifically was the kind that would go to hell and back for you. Teeth bared and eyes on fire before the devil himself. She was just like that.   
  
Even as skilled as she was, this mission didn't require a two of Shields top assassins.   
  
Barton could have done this job, hell even Melinda or Daisy would have been qualified. Phil would be pushing it because while he was a great agent… James didn’t want to sit through more “look at these cute videos of the kids on my phone.”  For the next six days or be tricked into telling old war stories.   
  
He couldn’t take it anymore.  
  
“What the hell are you doing?”  
  
She didn’t even look up, one well-manicured nail tracked over a glossy surveillance photograph, no doubt already cataloging all visible points of entry. “I’m going over the mission brief, just like you should be.”  
  
“No I,” He grumbled pecking a metal finger on top of the now closed manila folder. “I mean why you’re going on a mission right now.”  
  
“I was asked.” She replied nonchalantly, though it sounded more like ‘You have a metal arm not metal eyes, get it together.’ Because Natasha had a way of insulting without actually insulting you.  
  
“Yeah fine, but Pepper’s…”  
  
The other Alpha cut him off with a glance, “She’s pregnant not dying and I’m well aware.”

“Aren’t you worried about…?” He gestured in front of himself with swishing hands.  
  
A garnet brow rose in question, “Her learning the Macarena?”  
  
“No!” Barnes groused, “Her having the baby.”  
  
Natasha silently closed the file and neatly folded her hands atop the block lettering declaring TOP SECRET, “No I’m not, we still have a few weeks and everything is going well. I don’t have to watch her every hour of the day to make sure she’s fine.  She babysat Stark for years and managed not to die or be severely injured. I trust her and I trust the pack.”  
  
The unsaid words of “You should too.”  Lingered in her gaze. That was a whole other conversation that Barnes did not want to have right now.   
  
“Fine, we leave and 0:600. Hopefully we can get this over with.”

* * *

Steve had been puttering around the penthouse for two whole days, cleaning and acquiring everything in order for when his alpha came home. As for his alpha, Tony was currently out-of-town for Stark Industry business. Normally, Pepper would go to these sorts of things but since she was on maternity leave Tony had been force to step out in the name of his company.   
  
The soldier looked over at were his pups were coloring at the coffee table and smiled. These were the days he would always cherish, memories of sunlight pouring in through the massive floor to ceiling windows, the golden beans lighting the twin’s baby-soft hair like halos around their head. Little tongues poke out in concentration as they careful selected colors from a large bucket between them. Peter and Wendy wanted to have pictures for their daddy as welcome home presents. Such warmth in that moment of innocence, he wanted for them to hold on to this as long as possible before the world outside tainted the happy image they had of life.  
  
Growing up so poor, Steve hadn't had that luxury. He had to grow up fast and contribute to what was left of his broken family. Then his mother passed and he was alone.   
  
Steve knew with their line of work it was unrealistic to make promises like _“I will always come home.”_ Even so, he made those promises and so did Tony, they wanted to believe the words they gave the pups were as true as the Gospel. Still, Steve couldn't help but worry his children would know the pain of loss far too soon. Even if it was one of them, if they lost anyone it would be traumatic for them.  
  
The omega dispelled his fears and turned back to the task at hand.  _“Don't think about what if's sugar, I'm the smartest guy in this building and even I can't predict the future. Wish I could though, I would be so much richer.”_ Recalling his alphas words made a warm feeling curling in the pit of his stomach.   
  
Tony and his words, always talking, always moving, always creating. Steve could see these traits already passing to the pups and he wanted to see it that much more. Placing a hand on his stomach in an absent-minded gesture he turned his mind onto better things. He had come off the special cocktail of suppressants that Bruce had come up with. Hopefully, he would have a heat in the next few months and then maybe...well only time would tell. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, his mother would say.  
  
Thinking about new pups made the omegas mind linger to a few floors below. “I should take Pepper something; she's probably lonely without Natasha there.” He mumbled aloud before looking back at the cookies he'd put in the oven for the kids.  “Maybe another batch.”  
  
“Peter, Wendy, Why don’t you draw pictures for Aunt Pepper and we will take her some cookies ok?”   
  
The pups cheered and pulled out new sheets of paper. Steve was sure that half a wall down in the workshop was covered with the kids doodles. It was adorable really, Tony had insisted they hang every single one and the workshop wall was really the only good place for it. Plus, barring any major fires the little works of art were safe and not plaster all over the fridge. Both very good things. The other avengers had equal amounts of the little tokens of pride from the pups. Such as Bruce's lopsided coffee mug, rainbow colored targets that hung in the archery and gun range, a Unicorn sticker still slapped on the side of Thor's hammer (he apparently thought it was a blessing of battle and no one wanted to ruin it), and all the times Bucky and Sam walked around Shield with painted nails or bows in their hair.   
  
“Papa! I can't get my butterfly right help!” Wendy cried out from the living room.  
  
Steve tossed a dishcloth over his shoulder after drying his hands. “Ok princess, I'm coming.” His work was never done, and the omega wouldn't change it for the world.   
  


* * *

Kurt watched from a distance, tail swishing fitfully left and right. He knows what it looks like when a man is breaking from the inside out, he's seen it a thousand time- in his students- children thrown away for being different. Persevered for things they had no control over and made to feel like freaks.  
  
He had seen it  in his Alpha, Logan carried around so many ghosts of the past and there where times that he sat up in the night and stared out in the darkness for hours.  Kurt had also seen it in himself a time or two, he never had an easy time of it but his faith kept him strong, his friends and family had buoyed him on in those dark hours.   
  
 Right now, Loki was crumbing. True, the former villain had a careful mask in place that most if not everyone would ever stand a chance seeing through. Even as an omega Loki had used his power to create a careful vale of wellness. Yet there were something’s deeper than biology or body language.   
  


_It's his eyes, their too still, like colored glass. There is no life in them anymore._ He thought, watching his fellow instructor pack up papers for the day and tidy up his class with the wave of a hand.    
  
“Loki” Wagner called out.  There was the barest of flinch in the proud man’s shoulders.   
  
“Yes?”   
  
“Ah, would you like to go and have lunch? I understand that your alpha is away at the moment.” There was an underling comment there, it seemed like Loki's Alpha was away a lot lately and Kurt wasn't sure if maybe that was what had the omega in such a state or not. For some the distance could cause illness or depression.  Somehow he thought this might be deeper than simply missing ones mate.   
  
Loki hesitated as if trying to formulate a swift yet believable reason to decline, but he was slow. “I...”  
  
“Bitte! You know I have not seen you eat much today, and I am starving! Come ja?”   
  
“Alright...” As if the agreement was physically painful.   
  
Kurt didn't take the reluctance as rejection. Had Loki honestly detested him he would have said it, that was simply who he was. The ravenette had not mixed words with Scott when the absolutely did not hit it off. Logan’s reaction had been sketchy at best but... Kurt could forgive his bristly alpha.   
  
No, Loki's hesitancy reminded him more of a child in an orphanage or one found in a war zone. What little he knew about Loki from gathered knowledge here and there, he supposed both of those things where in a way true – at least if the things trickled down through the grapevine where to be believed. 

_“He needs a friend”_ A gentle English voice spoke with in Nightcrawler’s mind. He smiled and led the other omega through the halls; obviously the professor had taken a shine to Loki as well. 

* * *

The twins burst out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened wide enough for them to force their little bodies through the gap. Steve had frankly given up on stopping them at this point. After all he had survived the great depression with copious ailments and little to no medical care. So yeah, Peter and Wendy ran around in pull ups and shirts (if he was lucky the shirt was more or less optional when your babies are little streakers – too much like their father), tended to eat stuff they dropped on the floor, and for a while there – licked random surfaces and screamed ‘mine’.  
  
Steve felt like he was forever saying “where did you get that?” or “Take that out of your mouth!”  
  
Yet he wanted another one… ‘Glutton for punishment” as Bucky would say.    
  
Aforementioned man had crumbled into a laughing fit when he walked in on Steve covered in spaghetti with two rowdy pups in high chairs declaring to the pups “I can do this all day.”  
  
Today however, there was no terror inducing pasta sauce to smear all over the nice white lounge.   
  
“Auntie Pepper!!!”   
  
Steve followed the sounds of giggling and found the little ones curled up on either side of the gingers stomach listening intently. Bruce sat on the other side of Wendy and waved at Steve as he entered. The beta was quick to stand up and offer a hand with the baked goods – cookies and pies.  
  
Steve baked when he was bored – something Tony found endlessly funny.  
  
“Sorry if I went a little overboard.” Steve said sheepishly as Bruce took the trays to the kitchen.   
  
It had been nice to see Bruce becoming more social in the last few years, he particularly felt at home with Pepper and Natasha. It was no surprise to see the three of them cuddled up during movie night or Bruce painting one of the ladies toes in the common room. Not to mention with Natasha away, Bruce was an asset to Pepper.

“Steve you’re so sweet! Thank you; oh are those apple turn overs?” Pepper smiled playing with Peter’s hair.  
  
“Well I know how much you like them. Kids, show Aunt Pepper the drawings you made for her.”  
  
It didn’t take much prompting for the twins to pull out the little masterpieces they had so carefully been working on that morning. Wendy with a colorful butterfly, and Peter a family of cats to represent Natasha and Pepper and there soon to be born baby. The pups took great pleasure in explaining their art and holding it out proudly.   
  
“These are so good! Steve have you taken them to MOMA yet? You really should I’m sure they would enjoy it.” Pepper said, placing the pictures on the coffee table at a safe distance from her tea.  
  
Steve nodded along and helped Bruce with a set of plates when he returned from the kitchen. “Tony keeps telling me that, I hear there is going to be a Disney themed exhibit soon for kids, I may take them to that and if I can drag Tony along that will be a bonus.”  
  
“Good luck with that.” Bruce commented dryly handing a cookie to each pup before the twins ran off to terrorize Pepper and Natasha's other recent family member, a French bulldog named Butter.   
  
Natasha still blamed Clint for the name; having started calling the puppy that and now it's all the damn thing will answer to.   
  
Pepper moaned happily biting into the apple treat. “This is it. I love you Steve. Sorry Bruce honey you and Nat have to go, Steve and his food can stay.”   
  
The beta shook his head, “Remember Tony doesn't share well.”   
  
“Damn…”She chuckled taking another bite. “Too bad.”

The trio chatted for a while about various topics, Stark Business, recent missions, the new puppy and Peppers upcoming child. Eventually, the conversation trailed over to a recent update text from Natasha. “I'm honestly glad she's with Barnes rather than Clint. No offence to your friend Steve but he’s almost as bad as Tony when Barton's with him. Like a pair of frat boys.”   
  
Steve laughed, “Yeah I wouldn't disagree honestly. Bucky's always been that way. I'm not at all surprised it would take someone like Loki to keep him in-line.”   
  
“God of mischief to wrangle an alpha, who would have thought that,” Bruce's added before gathering up the plates. “How is he by the way? The two of them are pretty tight lipped about their personal lives. I still feel bad about that whole....smashing thing.”  
  
The soldier hesitated, “Well...”  
  
Pepper noticed right away, “Steve, if  you noticed something strange you know what we all agreed. Loki might be Bucky's but if there's any question on if he's doing something wrong…”  
  
“No, no, nothing like that.” He assured. “If anything he seemed...I don't know. Less Loki?”  
  
“Less Loki? I'm not sure I follow.” She replied, drumming her fingers on the high curve of her stomach.  
  
“Since they've been back he hasn't exactly been sociable. We all knew that and for a while it was the best thing for the pack to interact slowly considering the past. I just thought things had gotten better for him when Bucky told me he started teaching. Last time when I picked the twins up he just didn't seem like himself. Distant I guess.”   
  
Bruce returned and thought over the Captain's words carefully, “Thor mentioned that to me not long ago, I told James to have Loki come in and see me if he just didn't trust Shields doctors. I know I'm not exactly that kind of doctor and he has been a little leery of me, but our options for that sort of thing are relatively low.”  
  
Steve's brow furrowed “Buck said Loki came to see you.”  
  
“No, at least not that I recall and I think I would remember that.”

Pepper cut in “Thor isn't a fan of exams either, or really anyone around here. I'm sure everything's fine. I mean...this is Loki – right?”  
  
The three of them wonder what was really going on but no one wants to interfere in the business of others, especially the Barnes household. Even with time there was still something’s that remained untread waters. Despite Steve's insistence the Bucky was family and by extension his omega, and Thor confirming his brother better intention these days.   
  
“Yeah, you're right.” Steve said looking over to the sound of scampering feet as the twins chased Butter into the room.   
  
It was Loki after all.

 


	4. Chapter 3: Business as usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I will be using elements from the Iron Man Extremis Novel , which is what Ironman 3 is loosely based on. I am cherry picking elements to fit this story line. This chapter we will be learning a lot more about the avengers pack and the challenges for our couples.

“Well, at least that wasn't a total bust. We know they have a hydra connect and something’s about to go down at that AIM Pharma. Possible theft bets blowing anything up.” James said dropping a bag of Chinese takeout on the sticky faux wood top of the motel table. Orange chicken and spring rolls, maybe one less of the later because they smelled too good on the ride over. He wasn't apologizing after living off hostess cakes, Cheetos and burnt tasting gas station coffee for six days.  
  
His mission with Natasha was finally over after a week of watching the suspected terrorist cell. After all the days spent crammed in a van and skulking in alleyways, they got to spend the last night in a hotel while waiting for extraction in the morning. They had gotten a little Intel on the group and confirmed what SHIELD already knew. Apparently, the group was plotting a heist of some kind. Usually that was where they would step in, but apparently, whatever the group was going to steal was something SHIELD also had their eye on.   
  
This little snippet of intelligence was deemed ' Need to know ' by the powers that be - something that James was on the fence about.   
   
“We let them steal this 'virus' and then we take it from them. Yeah doesn't sound hazardous at all.” he had said a couple of days into the op while sweating his ass off in the less than well ventilated panel van. Evidently, the old econo-class had been 'less conspicuous' than a big black surveillance van decked out in a false business logo.  
  
The group had been careful, not using any names or terms that might give them away, to switching cars every few days. Obviously, they were paranoid or had made some of the previous agents tailing them. Both of which made watching them for little crumbs of information – boring and difficult.  
  
All Natasha and he knew is that it was something valuable was being held in a vault at a nearby hi-tech pharmaceutical developer, and the word 'virus' was thrown around a lot. That couldn’t bode well even with the limit knowledge Barnes had on such things.   
  
SHIELD knew more than they let on because James suspected if this were some sort of biochemical agent then they wouldn't be here just watching. This would have been a snatch and grab at the least...and a termination mission at the most. Therefore, it must not have been anything particularly nasty to the public at large.  
  
Natasha just rolled her shoulder at the time and looked back at the taped security cams. “It's quieter, if they get caught breaking in then they are no longer an issue. If they make it out of the facility, it’s just a matter of interception. The only tie would be them and not SHIELD. Theft with reasonable deniability.”

Sure, it made sense, but still... something stirred in the back of the soldiers mind. Images of what poison gas or water born viruses could do to the human body. If something unspeakable got out just because SHIELD desired someone else to do the dirty work...could he live with that?  Could any of them? Visions of gaunt bodies coughing up blood in dirty quarantine camps flew into his mind. That wasn’t something anyone wanted on their shoulders.   
  
For now though, all that was on his mind was heading home and holding his omega in a warm bed. Putting all this ugliness behind him if even for a night.   
  
Natasha wondered over to the bag of take out and picked around for what she wanted while he flopped aimlessly on one of the twin beds. It wasn't a nice joint, maybe two and a half stars at best but it had hot water and a table for filling out mission reports. They could stretch their legs and make small talk. Moreover, James had been in worse spots.   
  
Soon conversation turned away from mission files and reports and to Natasha and Peppers pup on the way any day now. The red haired alpha beamed with pride and James felt happy for her. He remembers Natasha from his brief time in the red room. The mental representation was bleary and he doesn't ask her if she remembers him. She does, he knows it by the way she never questions is command on the field. How training with her is like second nature even after all these years.   
  
Yet they have never spoken a word about those days.  
  
There's a pause after she talks about Pepper preparing the nursery and Bruce assembling the furniture. “So, how are things with you and Loki?” The why Bucky and Loki haven't had any pups yet is lingering in the innocuous question. He knows she’s avoiding the subject out of respect. Somehow, that doesn't take away the sting.  
  
“Just ask its fine. I know it's been a while that we've been together and a lot of couples don't wait more than a year if that.”

Natasha delicately nibbles at a spring roll, “Not my place to put a time table on that, or anyone else for that matter. If you guys want them or not, that's up to you.”  
  
James hasn't opened up to anyone about this, not Steve, not Sam during his sessions at the VA, and not Barton who has become like a little brother. For some reason, now seems like the time. On the other hand, maybe its just Nat, how she never pushes or reacts poorly to anything anyone tells her. Hell, he could call her at  Four am and say 'bring a shovel and meet me at this location.' and she wouldn't even question a body in the trunk. Some people would find that concerning but to James that spoke volumes about their friendship.   
  
“I do though.” He says, pushing around some fried rice with a cut-rate plastic fork. “We do, ya know.. we been trying but, it ain't happened yet.”  
  
Natasha sat back in her chair, folding her legs up and taking a deep swig of some off brand soda they got out of the hall vending machine. “Could it be the difference in species? Thor said Loki was a ..Jotun, Frost Giant right? Maybe its just incompatible genetics.”   
  
“I don't think that's it. Loki would have said something after his physical if that were the case. Banner's a smart guy I would think something like that would have stood out ya know.”  
  
“Yes.” Natasha agrees but  thinks over what the other alpha just said. She's never heard Bruce acknowledge anything about giving Loki a physical. Something like that would have come up, Bruce always likes to talk about his day when doing little mindless tasks around the house. If not with her then Pepper, a thing like having Loki in his Lab would have been a fairly notable event.  “Just give it time. Put in for some leave maybe?”  
  
James nods. :It's not a bad idea, Loki will have another heat coming up the end of next month, and he could take off the week before and just be home, maybe convincing Loki to do the same.  If they could just reconnect maybe that would help. “Yeah, I think I will”

* * *

When they made it back to Head Quarters, Barnes took both folders in hand and shooed Natasha away, “Let me handle this, you get home. Don't fight me on this Tashka! “ He warned pointing a metal finger to the doors.  “Go home.”   
  
She wasn't going to argue with that, giving the man a grateful smile she dashed out to catch a cab, shaking her head when she spotted Happy waiting at the curb. “ Hello Ms. Romanov. The Boss told me to come pick up you and Sergeant Barnes.”  
  
“Looks like it's just me for now Hap.” She greeted the beta with a playful wink. Happy always got so red in the face when she flirted – it was adorable really.   
  
The drive back to the tower was uneventful, usual traffic in New York. Familiar sights and sounds of the city welcomed her, the building and familiar facades of restaurants and shops passing by the tinted windows of the sleek black town car. Let it not be said that their Pack Alpha didn't believe in style and comfort.   
  
She sunk into the lush leather and let the tension leak out of her limbs. It was amazing to think that once upon a time Natasha could have never dreamed of a life like this. Home, Family, Friends, and Safety. All of that seemed like such a far away and childish dream.

_“Love is for children.”_

That wasn't true, not that she knew what love really looked like. The honey sweet kiss from her omegas lips, the smell of finely brewed coffee in the hand of an eccentric alpha every morning and the familiar blue eyes of the Captain concentrating on his morning paper, a whole gaggle of pups running through the gym and sparing with people not only your equal but better. Love was finally believing like you deserve it.  
  
Coming home to find Bruce and Pepper working on a baby book in bed was adorable. Who knew Bruce Banner's hobbies also included scrap booking. 'It's calming' was the excuse, not that they asked for one.   
  
“I smelled pie when I got off the elevator, I'll assume Steve's been here.” She said leaning in the doorway.  
  
“Nat! You're home, why didn't you call? I would have come to meet you.” Pepper frowned and rubbed her belly. “I Missed you” She said before glancing over at Bruce, “We missed you.”  
  
The trio greeted each other before Natasha was able to slip off for a proper shower, finally able to get out of her gear and into some lounge pants – Tony's, a sweatshirt,- Steve's, and socks – Bruce's.  
  
Now, feeling human, Natasha nabbed a few goodies from the kitchen, “I almost wish Stark would go off on business meetings more often if we get muffins.”  
    
Pepper commented idly on Steve's  visit with the pups.  Pointing out the adorable little pictures already framed and sitting on the bedside table. “Their both getting so big, it seemed like yesterday they were little babbling babies.” she said rubbing her stomach. I guess we will know all about that soon.”      
  
They all talked for a bit before Pepper started to nod off;  she had been having trouble sleeping due to the very active pup. Bruce And Natasha excused themselves, Banner heading into the kitchen to put on a kettle. 

The alpha hoisted herself up onto the counter to his left. “Something on your mind?” Natasha said while breaking up a sugar cookie with her fingers.   
  
Bruce smiled thoughtfully, of course she could tell. “Just something Steve said while he was here, probably nothing but...”  
  
“But you don't like it, tell me.”  
  
The beta's shoulders dropped a fraction as he moved the kettle off the stove and began to pour the steaming water into a pair of mugs. “ No I don't. He mentioned something about his last visit to the Barnes'. About Loki.”  
  
She didn't say anything, thinking about her conversation with Bucky. The way he was so sure Loki had been into see Bruce. The omega had lied, but was it a malicious lie or something else? It wouldn't be hard to imagine that Loki would be nervous about being around Bruce despite every effort Banner had made since the ravens return to earth.   
  
“I know a lot of people think he just tries to be difficult but what if its not that,” He paused selecting a pair of teabags from the cupboard. “My mother...some times she was just so quiet, she'd smile and say everything was fine. She lied a lot. Just because people lie, it doesn't mean they are just protecting themselves. Sometimes they do it to protect others.”  
  
“You think Loki is lying to protect his Alpha.” It was more of a statement rather than a question.   
  
“Maybe, I hate to think anything like that about Bucky…but who knows what goes on behind closed doors?”  
  
Natasha walked over and wrapped her arms around the beta's middle pressing her face between his shoulder blades. “You're a good man Bruce. Don't ever doubt that.”

* * *

Loki wasn't used to being what one would call 'social'. Sure, when he was young he had been forced to attend feasts and pay respect to dignitaries of the realm. As he grew older, he was often the one to escort his mother to her meetings with the Omegas whom held high rank or title.  These obligations where less about his ability to hold intelligent conversation and more with his ability to stand statuesque and silent.   
  
To be seen and not heard, is not such a foreign concept, even in the halls of Asgard.   
  
Even when Loki had reached courting age, he tended to shy away from large parties that most Omega of his standing would demand. As much confidence as he could exude standing tall in his leathers or robes. He was good at it, the best (in his not so humble opinion) at appearing every bit the grand shining prince of Asgard as his golden brother.  
  
Loki had to learn that skill because if he didn't...no one would ever see him.

_“I remember a shadow, standing in the shade of your greatness.”_

He didn't have friends, not really. Loki simply found himself in the orbit of Thor's friends. The only lengthy conversations he may have had, had been with chambermaids or the occasional chatty palace guard. However, that wasn't the same as having a friend. 

* * *

Kurt spoke with a lively tempo, tail swishing to-and-fro as they sat on the grass watching the younger children play. Loki had managed to catch about every other word and nod accordingly while picking at the egg salad sandwich the other man had forced upon him. It's not that he didn't enjoy the company it's just that he wasn't used to engaging much just for social reasons. Loki wasn't one to do anything that didn't have a purpose. Truly, his alpha was one of the few people he had lengthy conversations with, and lately – James had little to say to him.   
  
“Are you all right Loki?”  
  
He looked up at the sudden question, had he been spacing out? Missed a question perhaps? No, Loki caught what it was almost immediately. How could he be so careless!   
  
A faint acrid scent reading of pain and loneliness wafted up between them like a terrible ghost whispering all of his secrets.   
  
Loki was usually so careful, so guarded about that sort of thing. Most of the staff here tried their best to do the same for the sake of not upsetting the children. Speaking of which, a pair of little alpha girls where looking up from their play and eyeing looking with concerned little faces.   
  
“It's nothing, do excuse me.” _Get out! Run! You are Loki of Asgard not some simpering child!_

He stood quickly, a split second decision to walk back up the field rather than use magic. It wouldn't matter with Kurt, the man had the ability to move freely through the school much like Loki ( if one did not account for the stench of brimstone and sulfur).   
  
“Loki wait!” The mutant omega  followed behind him only stopping once to wave to an older student to please gather up the little ones once their recess was over and take them to the canteen.   
  
The farther Loki tried to go the more persistent Wagner proved to be. “Why? Why are you doing this?” He said finally, turning around to confront the other once they were out of student earshot. “Do I appear to require pity from you? I can assure you that whatever mission of good faith you think you are on it is both unneeded and unwanted.”

_That's right, be rude and condescending. Look down that royal nose at everyone around you and remind them how superior you are. Drive them all away, because you can't trust them anyway. Look what happened the last time you trusted? It's just a matter of time before **He** leaves you too.   
_

Kurt's tail drooped sadly, “My friend, this is not pity I would not insult you so. I only wish to help you Loki, I think you and I are very similar in a way. People look at me and they assume that I am a monster, a devil sent to take away their souls. I learned very young what it meant to be different. I think people look at you because of your past, they only see what they want to see. I see a smart man who is so kind to these children who have known such pain and loneliness in their lives. A man who knows what it is like to feel separate from others. Most of all, I see someone who wants to be good, and I only want to help you.”  
  
Anger and irritation dissolving like sand in the wind, Loki turned away, now he felt nothing but sadness. “I think perhaps you try too hard to see the good in others. It blinds you to their obvious defect.”  
  
“Nien, I think I see well enough. There is something troubling you, these past few months it has weighted you down more and more. You might be good at hiding things Loki but even a master of deception has his limits. If you hold whatever this is in for so long it will destroy you.”    
  
“It already has...” The words where choked and harsh, they sounded nothing like the ravens elegant tongue. Loki walked away silently, not even bothering to tell Kurt to stop following him. They ended up entering a small meeting room near the library. It was a quiet out of the way spot, one that Loki had frequently sought as a place of solace between classes or after a long day in which had no wish to return to an empty home. He sat facing one of the long windows with its view of the forest and grounds. “Have you and your mate ever discussed children.”   
  
“Ja, it has come up. Unfortunately, my biology is very different due to my mutation.” Kurt said softly, his pointed tail wrapping around to rest in his lap. “I was once very troubled knowing that I would never carry a child. Then I realized that all of the children here I love so much, they have in a way become my family. Perhaps one day there will even be a child who comes here with no family and there will be something about them and I will know in my heart, that that child will need me as much as I need them.”   
  
“I didn't want to at first,“ Loki began “because of what I am. It may seem foolish given what this place stands for. However, on Asgard – if you are not Aesir ..you are a beast. I am the worst kind of best in the eyes of those that once called me blood.” Loki raised his hand and the skin took on a cobalt hue a few shades lighter than Wagner's own. “ This place helped me to think differently, but now... I fear that my hesitance has been my downfall. Perhaps all my wishing against it has poisoned me.” 

Kurt rises quietly from his chair and sits on the arm of the soft chair that Loki occupied. “Have you told your Alpha that you feel this way?”   
  
Loki shakes his head, “I can't, I just can't.”

* * *

 

“So what do we know about this Mallen character?” Fury asks, as if he doesn't already know.   
  
That the formality with these debriefings, more-or-less regurgitating information that SHIELD no doubt has already read backwards, forwards, and in seven different languages.   
  
Still, James supposes that hearing it from an Asset  Agent, makes Fury feel that the information is sound. It wouldn't be the first time that the field operatives uncovered something was amiss among the fine print. Things can change like day and night when you get out in the field.   
  
“Mallen's parents were killed in a gunfight with the FBI over weapons violations in Texas. They were some of those off-the-grid types, tinfoil hats included.”   
  
Fury nods and looks over photocopies of documents recalling the incident, “So, mama’s little boy grew up bitter, hated everything the government stood for and then some.”  
  
“The hits keep on coming, Mallen's also got a rap-sheet a mile long and ties to the Aryan brotherhood. A real swell guy to invite home to meet Ma.” Barnes flips a few surveillance photos onto the table. “He's aligning himself with a small cell of domestic terrorists. They have a hydra connect to, how high it goes we don't know. Nat was able to lift a blackberry off of one of them, nothing but porn, burner numbers and all the speed dials were pizza joints.”  
  
“I'd take it that Mallen doesn't tell his lackeys much then?”   
  
“You would be right, all the meet-ups Mallen takes care of himself. It was never the same guy and since you didn't give us the go ahead to..”  
  
Fury cuts him off with a glare, “I'm not having you scoop up a hydra agent just for them to crack some cyanide and give us nothing. You should know that song and dance by heart now.”

He wants to correct the man but knows that the director is right, Hydra has a strict 'no tattle tale policy'. Death before dishonor and all that. It was the same back in 41 and it's the same now, only now instead of false molars and hidden capsules it's time released dermal implants. If Hydra's assets don't return to the nest by the time allotted – dead as a doornail. Until then all they have to do is keep their mouth shut. Really, what’s the use talking when you’re going to die anyway?   
  
“The only thing we picked up was this interest in AIM pharmaceutical. Whatever they have their eye on, Hydra is willing to fund Mallen in retrieving it.”  
  
Fury's leather coat flutters as he stands from the table, James briefly wonders if that damn thing was tailored just to do that or if their some floor vents that Nick has on a remote to provide maximum badassery at any given moment. “We pull back for now and monitor them from CCTV and satellite. Mallen's paranoid so we don’t want him to feel the heat. Once he's comfortable he'll no doubt make his move and we'll be ready to intercept the package.”  
  
It all sounded so flawless, it always sounds flawless, but then – what is it they say? If you want to see God laugh, tell him your plans? 


	5. Chapter 4: Unlikely allies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I am not perfect and I publish this work because the writing is therapeutic for me, not because I see myself as a professional author. I have no delusions about my obvious lack of talent, that said, I still hope those of you who read this work enjoy it, for those of you that do not -please be kind. I do not want to give up writing. However, negativity is pushing me to believe I should. I struggle daily and this is how I find a little bit of happiness. I do not want to lose that.

James Barnes was not the kind of man who slept in late and he never had been. Early to bed early to rise, were not just empty words for neither him nor some flowered sentiment that his mother stitched into pillows.  
  
Even if he did not remember it clearly, James had always been out on the street with the first signs of life. There was always work to do or go out and find, always some sort of trouble to get into- or get Steve out of more often than not. From the time he could tie up his own shoes James always had somewhere to be.   
  
The days he does not want to remember – there was work then too, every time he opened his eyes there was a mission waiting. These days it almost felt kindred with all the demand SHIELD had for him. He couldn't say he hated it and that was maybe the worst of it when he got right down to the old brass taxes. He was still a soldier looking for a war to fight and SHIELD had been happy enough to have the Winter Soldier on their side this time around.  
  
Today however, there was no mission, training session, debrief, and thank any god that was listening – no dignitaries to baby-sit.   
  
It was just your average, run-of-the-mill, wonderfully boring Tuesday. A blessedly boring day that he could hopefully spend in his boxers just laying around, and with a little luck -without them on entertaining his omega.  
  
Crossing his fingers for that last one.   
  
There was no reason at all to come out of the warm shelter of infinite softness also known as a bed until a grossly indulgent hour. Preferably, one no earlier than noon. Except there was something not quite kosher and there really shouldn't be because this was his day off damn it. Yet there it was an ever persistent tugging at his synapses that said something was amiss in his safe little universe exclusive to these four walls. 

James reached across without opening his eyes- he just needed the conformation. Just a little touch of soft warm skin to assure him that _' yeah I'm just nuttier than squirrel shit, no problems here old boy. No, go back to sleep and dream of normal shit like sheep or what that fucking smell was in the truck that SHIELD issued him. Because it smelled like tacos and he hasn't had tacos in forever. So if Barton has been in there with that shit I'm gonna kill him.'_   
  
Empty sheets greeted his wandering fingers and that was certainly not right at all. Loki shouldn't be up at least for another hour. Tuesday Thursdays were his 9:00 to 2:00 pm scheduled day with office hour included. James had committed this to memory for his own peace of mind, it made him feel better being able to recognize where his mate should be during the day. That in mind, it was most likely around 6:00am – judging by the dusky light filtering through the curtains.   
  
He's probably in the bathroom, the logical part of James brain pointed out. Rolling over the alpha squinted at the master bath – door open and dark as a tomb. No big deal, so he went to get water. People drink water, he drinks water...thirst is a thing.  
  
“Loki?” he calls out because what’s the harm in checking? That and that confounded hepatic sensation in his nerves is making his psyche run in circles that something just is not okay.   
  
No answer.  
  
Nope… can't lay here now.   
  
Barnes was up and out of bed faster than you could say Assemble. Walking down the hall looking all the world like some annoyed shaggy old German Sheppard on a perimeter check, alert to every little sound or lack thereof. Rounding the corner into the seemingly  quiet and empty kitchen, yet there  was a half empty glass of water on the counter top, the container still cold to the touch but the ice still mostly solid. The scattered presence of condensation beading on the outside of the tumbler in the shape of fingers told him it had not been abandoned for long. Maybe 10mins at the most given the slight chill in the air and the thickness of the glass.

Footsteps on the back deck catch his ear, Duchess would eat an intruder no ifs, ands, or buts about it, and so Loki is out side...but at this hour?   
  
Any question he may have would be answered soon enough as the mage slipped through the sliding glass door- phone in hand. He looks surprised to see his mate standing there in the kitchen holding a glass like a piece of forensic evidence.   
  
“James, what are you doing?”  
  
“I should be asking you that don't cha think?” the brunette replies, pouring the contents of the forgotten glass into the sink.  
  
“I was leaving a message to express I wasn't coming into work today if you must know.”   
  
Loki's tone is clipped and if James isn't mistaken – secretive. Seemed that was becoming a permanent feature where Loki was concerned. Still, he couldn't very well jump to conclusion. “You okay doll?”   
  
The ravenette looked away as he detoured around the far side of the kitchen island, “Fine, just tired.” he said, padding back to the bedroom. 

James followed, staying a few steps behind taking in the omegas stride. Something seemed off but he just couldn't pinpoint it. Loki was a lot like Natasha in the way he held his walk just so. It wasn't as with most people where you could read the slouch in there shoulders or the slight drag in their steps when something was off. He reckoned Loki would keep that steady prowling pace even if he was missing a limb and dribbling blood all over the rug.  
  
Nothing to see here folks.  
  
Watching as his omega slid soundlessly back into bed, turning to face the wall. That was a little different, Loki usually was a back sleeper or more often a *this whole bed is my kingdom and your body only resides here at my pleasure. NOW warm my icy feet or become my pillow...the choice is yours* sleeper. Not that he had any problems with that, he loved waking up with arms full of soft sleepy sorcerer.   
  
That hadn't happened for a while now  
  
James slipped in on the other side and wound an arm around his mate’s waist. “I'm home today too, if you just want to rest up. We got that fancy bath stuff Pepper sent over here for you. You know I'd love to spoil you.”  
  
“We need a few things, I would have gone for them but you could go to the shops if you like.” Loki said abruptly, tugging the sheets tight around his body.   
  
That wasn't what Barnes had in mind, something more along the lines of breakfast in bed and a naked picnic by the fire for lunch. Dessert all over the house and he wasn't talking about ice cream or cake.

It had been a while; Loki didn't seem interested in doing anything outside of a heat for the last few months. Even then, it was all so mechanical and thought out, they even bought special pillows that were suppose to promote conception. Not to mention all the strange crap Loki had sent from Asgard that took resident all around the heat room. Crystals for this, herbs for that; most of which James couldn't even pronounce.   
  
“Sure, I don't mind sweetheart. Anything you need.”   
  
The couple had slept into the early morning, or at least James had. Loki on the other hand had remained quietly awake, back turned to his alpha. He did not shy away from the arm that draped around his waist or the and than searched for his. There was no need to upset James after all; the poor man had been away from home so often lately. Why should Loki ruin his first day off with such trivial matters?  
  
 _Anything you need...._

The words ran around in the omegas head as the sun rose outside. What about hope, could they find a bottle of that? Or maybe another life all-together? Was there an option to return who he was for a slightly different model? There was no way to correct what was wrong with him so easily was there?   
  
Loki couldn't help but think how well adjusted Kurt had been, not to say it didn't matter to the other man – clearly, Kurt had similar desires as Loki. He just handled it with so much more grace.   
_  
You were a prince of Asgard, now look at you sniveling little omega.  
  
 **“Laufey's son…cast out on a frozen rock left to die”**  
  
Even the Frost Giants knew you were defective. The runt prince no one wanted.   
_

Unable to remain in bed, Loki retreated to the kitchen as soon as the hour seemed plausible enough for it- a quarter past 9am was fair enough. Bare feet hitting the wood floor with a soft creak, he looked over his shoulder for a brief moment to make sure he hadn't woken his alpha. After missions, James tended to be a rather light sleeper. It often took several days at home for his circadian rhythms to even out into something like a normal person. Thankfully, it appeared that this morning was being kinder and the brunette rolled over snoring softly into his pillow. At least one crisis averted.  
  
Loki breathed out a relived sigh, scrubbing his palms over his face. Every moment now seemed stressful. Holding himself taut as a bow string 24/7.   
  
**Burden.**  
  
He had to keep his head up just a bit longer; it would get better the way Kurt said. He would get over it and maybe then, when looking in the mirror didn't hurt so much he could tell James. Look him in the eye and tell him how sorry he was.   
  
**Burden**  
 _“I can not give you the family you have wanted. I'm sorry James, had I known I would have never allowed you to tie yourself to me. If you want to break our bond, you have every right. Please forgive me.”_  
  


Maybe it would be okay then; maybe James would be like Logan and not care. They could find a child without a place to call home and Loki could give that child a home, he would give them all the honesty that he never had. He would tell them he loved them even if they were not blood of his blood. Even though they wouldn't have James' eyes, or that sly little smile. He would never lie to them.  
  
Perhaps he was even more selfish to feel such pain at the thought of all the features such a child would lack. It wasn't some poor child's fault, it was his.   
  
**Burden**

Loki found himself standing in front of the refrigerator, reflection dulled by the brushed stainless steel. How did he even get here? He was slipping; everyday he lost a little bit more control. When was the last time he slept through the night? Well, it was hard to say when your dreams are filled with crying children that can't be seen.   
  
Worse, the nights he dreamed of the invasion, not being in control of The Other or Thanos, not the chittari or being captured.   
  
After.   
  
Things he'd never even seen, days he'd been far from Midgard in the dungeons of his home world. He could see it so clearly that it felt real and unlike a dream at all. Walking through the rubble of an apartment building and seeing small toys and clothes among the broken bits of mortar. Scraps of drywall painted a soft lilac color. His feet wanted to stop but they never did, farther and farther through the remnants of a life unlived. Then there it was, a tipped bassinet, a small bundle at his feet, and a tiny cold hand peeking through the ruined fabric.   
  
**Murderer**

  
It could have happened. Even if it was just a nightmare, Loki knew that story could be similar to any of the lives lost that day. Lives he could never give back to those that loved them. So maybe this was his true punishment. What was it the mortals said, an eye for an eye?   
  
Loki shivered as he rested his forehead against the cold metal door, knowing he deserved every bit of suffering. He just didn't want it.   
  
_**“All of this...because Loki desired a throne.”  
**_

__

* * *

“This seems like a really long list, do we actually need all of this?” James said standing at the bar looking at the considerably extensive list Loki had written out over breakfast.   
  
Honestly, they didn't but it would take the alpha a good hour or twos search at the store. Plus, travel baring any traffic he would be away no less than four hours.   
  
Maybe even six if there was an accident- and wasn't that just awful that he was sitting her hoping for a fender bender or a damn pile up just to get some time to huddle alone in a corner and scream.  
  
This was all a shameful tactic but Loki just needed to be alone right now. He needed time to breathe and he couldn't do it with James so close. The alpha would know instantly something was a miss and then they would have to talk... no he just wasn't up for that right now.   
  
He needed the distance even if it hurt because everything hurt already so who cares if its worse? Worse by definition at this point was like throwing a match into a raging forest fire.   
  
“Yes well I've not gone to the shops in some time. You know I loath going out among the crowds.”  That's right, sound like its just beneath you, not that you can't look at a mother with a child and burst into tears. That has nothing to do with it. Or perhaps the way you can't breathe when you happen past the isle with newborn blankets and soft toys.   
  
_You are so pathetic._

“Right, yeah sorry about that. Ya know we could just start using that service that Stark does. I mean if they can stock the tower and the compound…”  
  
“I would rather not.”    
  
The alpha sighed, “ok then. Guess I'll be back soon.” James took the note and stepped around the bar to press a kiss to his cheek. “Love you.”   
  
“And I you.”  
  
 _He works so hard and the first day he has home, you send him out on another mission. True this one not nearly so life threatening but still. You can't even make him happy, all he wants is a calmly little omega to welcome him warmly. Here you are sending him out on some menial made up task. Selfish, weak, pathetic._

* * *

Barnes was really starting to understand why Loki hated going shopping.   
  
Honestly, why did there need to be so many different choices of laundry detergent. “I don't wanna smell like’ a field of lavender or a mountain stream...where the hell is the soap smellin soap.” He muttered going down the isle until he finally spotted a boring looking bottle far cheaper than all the others that just said it cleaned.  
  
We have a winner.  
  
He made brief eye contact with another lost looking alpha that seemed to be in the same boat as him. Poor guy was using his phone to ask the voice search what brand was most preferable among omegas. James had to give the guy points for that, although that wouldn't have helped him because...Loki.   
  
It's not like the internet was going to be anymore knowledgeable about his omega...or that he'd tried that already back on the shampoo isle.  Yeah...he didn't do that at all. He took it like a man and just smelled about 30 bottles until something seemed familiar.  Loki shouldn't have just written down “shampoo” if he had a preference.    
  
Things had names; you can't just send a man into the field blind with no Intel!

Ok, so maybe that was taking this a little far; to be fair it's not as if he's never been shopping.  
  
James has bought stuff at gas stations and a drug store. He knows snack food and witch microwaveable burgers are fittin' to eat. These are both extremely important things. Also, why do they need toothbrushes? They have perfectly fine ones at home, and he's pretty sure there are like 10 more in the bathroom closet with the 20 rolls of Toilet paper. Oh, look what’s next.....Toilet paper.    
  
“I'm starting to think this was a set up...” He murmurs tossing a pack into the basket.   
  
Letting his mind wander a bit as he pushed through the crowded isles, he was sure this was all just a ploy. Maybe he knew that when he got in the car and pulled away from the house but was too much of a coward to say so.

The more he thought about it the more his skin prickles. A sour taste gathers in the back of his throat, the kind that makes your tongue turn to fuzz and belly clench up. Really, thinking about it this wasn't the first time was it? He'd felt that tell-tale stab of pain throbbing behind his eyes every now and again. Always pushing it to the side, because they were ok, they were...right?  
  
Loki was just private about something’s and could get a little moody from time to time but he was fine...he would have said something if anything was really wrong.  
  
Wouldn't he?  
  
James didn't want to push because when you push Loki he just pulls farther away. He still remembers the nightmares the omega used to have back in Asgard, how Loki never wanted to be followed or coddled. Eventually, Loki would come to him and just take what he needed. Even if he wasn't really taking because James was fully offering his comfort. Not to mention, when they first bonded and returned to earth. The way the omega was about as pleasant as a wet cat for weeks. He always came around though.   
  
Always...so then why wasn't that happening this time? Why did he feel like they were headed for a cliff at night with no lights or breaks?   
  
Barnes pauses on his way and takes out his phone, “maybe I could call Jane...see if Thor's in town.” Tossing the idea around of asking his brother-in-law of getting Frigga to come for a visit. Loki always seemed to perk up for his mom.   
  
Yeah…that would be ok. He just had to get out of this damn store first.

* * *

The drive from the city was pleasant enough, not accounting for the occasional pothole.  
  
There was a time Natasha had made the drive up to the compound at least once a week while training the new SHIELD recruits. Other times she'd head up with Tony to make repairs or adjustments to the quinjet.  
  
She even took Pepper up here once to visit a little roadside vintage shop. Pepper had found a pair of old earrings; they weren't the most expensive thing, just a little pair of art deco baubles from the 20's. The old woman at the desk had smiled when she saw the omega admiring them. Apparently, the jewelry had a colorful past, belonging to a woman who had never taken no for an answer. The story had been well worth the 30 dollar price tag for old costume jewelry. Sure, it hadn't been diamonds and the gold probably wasn't even genuine. Even so, Natasha had never seen anything as stunning as the way the colored glass caught the light and sparkled against the other woman's skin.  

That was how she knew she wanted more. Natasha wanted everything the world told her she couldn't have.   
  
James wanted that too, and he was her friend, her pack and pack stuck together. So she made the drive to see for herself what was going on with Loki.

The alien omega wasn't the most sociable and honestly, that had been fine for most of them. However, the more she thought about the worse it sounded. Yes- Loki had tried to take over the world and kill a bunch of people – them included. So a little animosity was understandable. Having gotten the full story form Thor later about Loki being just another pawn in a bigger scheme had made a difference to some, to others it was merely a technicality.   
  
It's hard to get over the mental image of a man knowing he's responsible for so much death and destruction. Not to mention what Loki did to Clint and Phil.  
  
 Barton was like a brother to her and watching him suffering with the knowledge, he had turned his bow on men he trained, that he killed innocent people. Men who had families, futures…Clint had cut all of that short in an instant and he had no choice in the matter. Watching over Coulsons recovery from his injuries and from Fury’s lie to the team about the agent’s death.  
  
Then there was Tony and Steve, in a way New York is what brought them together but there was so much about that day that had rocked them to their core. Tony had anxiety attacks and Steve struggled to stay strong for his new alpha and budding family. That all started with Loki. Could anyone blame them for feeling harshly toward him?   
  
**_“I've got a lot of red in my ledger”_ **

Her own words came back to haunt her, all the while watching the while lines fade into the tree shrouded horizon. All the things she did, the people she killed...and the forgiveness she found.  
  
Then there was Bucky, It was as if they didn't look twice even knowing who he had been and the things he had done. Tony still had a hard time with that but he was able to try for Steve. Stark had an amazing capacity to forgive, in the last year he'd even been civil with Loki. They all had tried to welcome the difficult omega for Barnes.   
  
Maybe that was the real problem, they were looking at this like something they were doing for Barnes, as if it was a chore to grin and bear. The only person who genuinely wanted to give Loki a chance had been Steve and maybe Bruce to some extent. 

All the same, there was always that little voice in the back of their minds that recalled the mission reports from New Mexico. Loki wasn't some innocent little lamb. The omega had committed sins long before he fell into the hands of Thanos. How did any of them know what really went on in the fallen prince's head. Especially when he was so secretive?   
  
Loki had lied to his alpha, but why? 

She thought about what Bruce said and didn't want to think it was anything so sinister as domestic abuse. Barnes came from the time when Omegas were often taken in hand for bad behavior. Thus far, Natasha didn't think he had that sort of mentality. Given that Barnes wasn't a traditional Alpha, (the serum created by HYDRA had done that to him). Growing up beta, he would have had an outside perspective on the treatment of omegas. Weather he remembered that or not. Not only that - she had seen him in the field, watched his interactions. Barnes was to controlled, he fought so hard for that control that there was no way he'd risk losing it.    
  
Her fingers relaxed and slid over the wheel, thinking back to when Barnes and Loki returned.   
  
In the beginning, she had not let her guard down around the former Winter Soldier. Natasha watched him, studied him because she had to be sure. This man was going to be near her family and she wasn't going to let a wolf in sheep's clothing fool her.   
  
Perhaps that was also the reason she was making this drive up to the cabin.

Loki had separated himself from them in every sense of the word, even when the offer was extended to aid the team along side SHIELD, he turned it away. That wasn't to say the ravenette had locked himself away in some spooky lair to cackle evilly over a cauldron. He worked with kids and not just any kids, Loki worked with Charles Xavier's kids. Steve trusted him enough to let Loki be alone with Peter and Wendy; the little pups adored their uncle. Loki had managed to clear up things with his brother and so far they hadn't heard so much as a parking ticket from the once villain.   
  
Still. Still they watched him expectantly, waiting for him to slip up and show them that maniac grin.  
  
Every which way she turned this in her head it felt wrong.

Natasha needed more information, seeing Loki in his own element would give her an edge. Some might think that was exactly the wrong thing to do, that isolating the enemy in unfamiliar territory was the only way to get the truth. That wasn't wrong; it was a tactic that could be employed depending on ones query. However, getting Loki to come to the tower for a sit down was not going to happen.   
  
Being in his own home he would be comfortable, unguarded. Arriving unexpected would leave him little time to prepare. Natasha had played his game before; he relied on his own superiority. A king holding court, showing everyone just how smart he was. Nevertheless, even with all that intelligence, at his core Loki was a child trying to prove something. His anger could unsettle him.   
  
Therefore, she would show up unannounced throwing him off from the beginning. He wouldn't turn her away of course because Loki wasn't raised that way. He'd want to prove himself the accepting host, might offer her tea in some fancy looking cups. So much like his armor and his helm, Loki needed visual distractions.   
  
Slight of hand.  
  
Coming on strong too soon would bring up his defenses. From there on, she'd not get anything, not to mention that overgrown house cat prowling around. Therefore, a friendly house call it was.  
  
The box of baked goods in the passenger seat and the false smile would get her through the door. “I know how much James loved Steve's cookies. Ya know with Tony being away the big guy kind over goes overboard. We're up to our eyes in snicker doodles.”  
  
Yeah that would work, just a little goodwill gesture/ fact finding mission.

* * *

Some days...it's just hard to breathe and he curses himself for that weakness because Loki has never seen himself as weak. The mere thought of it is an aberration. He stood shoulder to shoulder with warriors on the field of battle; he could weave spells that could bring foes to their knees. Grown men had wept for his mercy.  
  
“I am not weak... I am not weak.” The mantra falls from his lips but the words are already dead. The voice in his head disagreeing with every syllable. “Stop this...stop stop stop...” Feeling his stomach drop and a sudden tremble that makes the taste of acid rise in his throat.    
  
 _He might not even come back. Why would he, look at you. You'll be all alone all over again, you'll wish for the void to swallow up your worthless hide._   
  
Running from the mirror and into the shower his hands shake trying to twists the knobs as hot as possible. He'd rather burn than stand there crying or worse...fall to his knees in a pathetic heap and vomit. “Stop stop stop...”Begging this oppressive feeling to pass, for the vice suddenly tightening around his chest to release.   
  
Loki had waited this long to let go, casting wards around the house that he'd been working on for weeks to dampen the connection to his alpha. As underhanded as that was, Loki needed this and yet still he couldn't. His cursed pride or fear or whatever it was, could not falter.

  
“I came into this world alone... I fell alone, was lost alone and yet I live.” He growled defiantly as the water tinged his fair skin an angry red. “I will get through this alone.” Something in his head disagreed, sounding suspiciously like his mother.

* * *

The episode lasted nearly 20mins, leaving him exhausted and numb. All Loki wanted was a cup of tea and a blanket, as pathetic as that sounded it also sounded amazing. He scoffed at his own domesticity, “how very mortal.”   
  
Making his way to the sitting room, Loki opened the sliding glass door to let Duchess in; James did not typically let her in anymore since she was so large now. In this case, Loki was willing to spell away the hair on the rug just to have the feline like beast near.   
  
Duchess bumped her massive head against his hip in greeting before finding a spot in front of the fire to stretch out. He watched her for a moment before waving a hand at the cupboards- summoning a cup and saucer. Lazy - maybe, effective - yes.   
  
The omega made his way to the sofa and curled up, reaching out to stroke Duchess’s fur.   
  
It would be ok, this was ok, and he told himself feeling his body sinking into the cushions. He was so tired, so very tired with all of this.   
  
Loki had taken the first sip of his tea when the doorbell chimed.

Green annoyed eyes slid from the porcine rim to the large oak door. Duchess growling softly at his side as the beast agreed that no one should be disturbing them. Loki waved his hand casting a seeing charm on the door, the center glowing and opec - allowing him to see whom it was currently darkening his door step.   
  
The Widow.   
  
She was alone and holding some sort of container, dressed as any civilian. Loki might have been concerned if she had come in her usual Avenger regalia. Even so, Romanov was not one to make casual social visits so why was she here?  
  
The bell rang again, this time holding on a bit longer as his surprise visitor depressed the button with more force.

“Damn it…” Loki glanced around at the state of the living room, quickly vanishing the lazy Afghan and tea cup. The glass door slid open with a flick of his writs. “Outside Duchess.”   
  
The Furulve let out an annoyed snort prowling out of the sitting room, flicking her barbed tail at one of the pillows in retaliation. Loki scowled at the tantrum and the fact that now there were down feathers scattered on the floor. Waving his hand the mess cleaned it self and the pillow vanished to the laundry room to be mended later. James wouldn't be happy about that, Duchess would definitely find herself on the wrong end of a lecture and likely loose one of her prized play things for behaving so poorly.   
  
A third ring of the bell made his jaw clench. Spelling himself out of the worn joggers and oversize shirt of his alpha and into something more fitting of his stature. If the Widow came to see Loki, she would damn well get her trips worth.   
  
Such a flawless illusion of leather breeches with gilded gold grommets that laced up the outside of both legs, topped with a forest green tunic of luxurious shining fabric, accented in panels of black and intricate stitching. His once loose waving hair slicked itself back – not a strand out of place. Nails once bitten and dry now glossed in black polish. Let the games begin.   
  
**_“Though only one of you may ascend to the throne. You were both born, to be kings”_**

* * *

“Miss Romanov, how good of you to drop by so wonderfully unannounced. Do come in.”  
  
Backhanded compliments and full scale confidence was in full swing, or so it seemed. Natasha smiled and stepped over the threshold. “Hope its not a bad time, I happened to be in the area.”  
  
Loki took the box from her hands; she flicked her eyes down to the omega's hands. Nails perfectly glossed and trimmed, skin well tended and soft. Yet... there was a slight almost unperceptive tremble.   
  
It was a bad time but Loki wasn't going to say that.   
  
“Absolutely not Agent Romanov, what per-say would have you traveling so far from Stark's beloved tower of heroes?”  
  
“Picking up some paperwork from the compound. I know James has the day off so I figured I'd take one for the team rather than have Fury call him. Where is he by the way?” Not that she didn't know. Natasha had looked up the GPS on Barnes phone before coming; she knew exactly where he was.   
  
Loki leads the way to the sitting room, delicately placing the box of sweets on the coffee table. “Out doing some shopping.”  
  
He wasn't lying; the GPS put Buck in town at a super center. This was good; she clocked his reactions when speaking, a sort of mental detection for deception. Given the tremble, had gone uncorrected – it happened again when he set the box down. She could surmise that even Loki hadn't noticed it. That was odd given that the once prince always seemed so cautious of his actions.   
  
“Did you not have class today? I guess I'm lucky anyone was home.” She chuckled and sat down across from him. Loki had put a good bit of distance between them.   
  
“No, I wasn't scheduled. May I offer you a drink agent?”   
  
A lie. The tell – a sharp short intake of breath after his initial answer. As if trying too hard to steady his words. Why would he lie? Had Loki been fired? That was doubtful because that wouldn't have been something he could hide, so he was laying out then – sick leave? Loki wasn't human so Natasha doubted very much he could suffer from the common cold. To her knowledge, Thor had never been ill.   
  
Loki wasn't like his brother though, a different species Bruce had said. One that no one even had a base line on, so it was possible, though maybe less likely. Could it explain the tremble?  
  
“Sure, whatever you’re having is fine.” 

Getting the ravenette out of the room was another trick. She's be able to look around if just for a few moments, she hadn't been overly concerned that Loki would use his magic. In the few dealings she had with him since his and Barnes return, the omega seemed to take a “lets not give the mortals anything to comment on” stance. Never using his talents in any of the Avenger’s presence.   
  
“How do you take your tea Agent Romanov?” Loki asked, standing to head off toward the kitchen.  
  
“Sugar no milk, thanks. Oh and you can call me Natasha ya know.”    
  
The omega didn't comment either way on the name. Her ears only picked up on the clinking of cups and shuffle from the pantry.   
  
Looking around the room, everything seemed well enough. Clean and orderly, everything has its place and everything in it's place. More like a photo from a prominent decorator magazine. It was too nice, too...shiny.   
  
An illusion perhaps? Natasha recalled Thor speaking about how skilled Loki was at camouflaging magic. The thunderer had laughed and said it came in handy when they were children to hide mischief.   
  
So perhaps Loki had grown lax on his stance then? Maybe just no noticeable magic among mortals. What they won't know won't hurt them.   
  
“It's earl gray, I have a preference for stronger blends.” Loki said, having returned from the kitchen with two steaming cups on a wooden tray. Ever the proper host. The cups were bone china with a fine filigree of gold vines.   
  
Nothing to see here, it's just chapter three in better homes and gardens.   
  
There was the tremble again; Loki noticed it this time as he set the tray down. He clenched his jaw momentarily and sat back as if it hadn't happened. She suspected he knew that she would have seen it. He knew who she was, what would he do?  
  
“May I ask why you are really here.” He said. Yeah, Loki was just as perceptive as she was. 

“Curiosity.”  
  
“Curiosity killed the cat, that's what you Midgardians say isn't it?”   
  
Natasha took a sip of her tea, he was calling her bluff. Fake it until you make it. “Satisfaction brought him back. We say that too.”

* * *

Loki dammed himself for the slight tremble. She had seen it, he knew she had.   
  
_Get it together. What will you do if she tells them you’ve gone off kilter? They’ll lock you up and throw away the key that’s what. Can’t have the monster roaming free if he cracks up. She'll tell him, tell him you're a liar just as if they knew you were. You think the dungeons of Asgard held horrors. Just wait until Shield straps you down and cuts open your deficient flesh while you scream._  
  
“Loki?”   
  
The omega was torn from his own fears by the woman's softly accented voice. She was staring at him, what had she said....what the hell had she said!?   
  
“Nothing important, So. How are things at the school?” Her tone was conversational but even in that airy tone he could see it in her eyes. A predator that smelled blood in the water. He wasn't going to give her this… it was different now. He had his full mind at his disposal. He wouldn't be goaded into a fit of pique like before.   
  
“Fine thank you Agent. The children are quiet proficient in their studies. Very gifted indeed.” Sipping the tea that now just tasted like ash.   
  
“And the faculty? Made any friends?”   
  
Meaningless pleasantries...why was she here what is her game? “All capable individuals.”  
  
Keep it short, maybe even for a thick mortal she can tell she's not welcome.

* * *

Natasha set her cup down and watched the pronounced thrum of the vein in the omegas neck, his pulse is high... nervous but doing a good job concealing it otherwise. This didn't look good, he was being evasive which considering who she was dealing with it could mean a multitude of things.   
  
'Proficient students, capable teachers.' Nothing personal, these were all throwaway buzz words people used in advertising to make whatever they were selling sound more palatable to their audience. That's exactly what Loki was doing here, he was selling this story. The product was himself.   
  
'Look how normal I am now off you scamper little mortal.'   
  
Something told the widow this wasn't because he had a brain washed x-man tied up in the closet. This was something else, something in that tremble and this grand show of ' I'm okay you're okay'. He spaced out to and let her retort slide, she knew his wit was faster than that.   
  
“Agent Romanov is...there something you require.”   
  
He's impatient, wants her out of here so badly that he can't stand it. Could be that it's just her personally that makes him uneasy – doubtful. Loki had his powers back, or at least a good percentage of them according to Thor. She wasn't a physical threat to him in anyway. If he wanted to the alien omega could have swatted her with the elegant swirl of a pinky finger. No this had nothing to do with her specifically and everything to do with him.  
  
“Honestly?”   
  
His shoulders dropped minutely before straightening back up, held so tightly it looked like he'd snap in two and for a moment...for a moment his skin didn't look so glowing. She knew then this wasn't the Loki she was talking to but a carefully crafted mask. Bruce's words filter over her subconscious... ' ** _Just because people lie, it doesn't mean they are just protecting themselves. Sometimes they do it to protect others.”_**  
  
“If you wouldn't mind…” he replied clipped almost...broken

  
Natasha set her tea cup on the table and looked the man who was once her enemy in the eye. “Because like it or not, we worry about you. Steve, Bruce, Pepper. Me. James especially. People notice things Loki, just as if I'm noticing them right now. I'm telling you the truth because I think you're sharp enough to know I didn't come all this way to do paperwork and even if I had, I wouldn't have stopped here. I'm here because I needed to find the truth. Now, do want to tell me? Or are we still having our little tea party?”

* * *

How dare she...how dare she toy with him. “Stop playing your games agent. They call me silver tongue but even I would be hard pressed to fake care for a being I detest. You may feel some obligation to James- but do not sit here and pretend you've come under some altruistic mission for my sake. Do. Not. Insult me.”   
  
Natasha watched the anger wash over him begging the omega to lash out but he didn't have it in him. It seemed like the anger itself was as a grease fire burning away all that he had left to hold onto, she watched as his facade seemed to waver and for a moment, she swore she saw someone different in front of her. No...Not different, someone real. “I'm not insulting you, I think you're insulting yourself if you think this dog and pony show you have here is believable. Why dress things up for little old me if you don't care what I think?”  
  
“Indeed I do not care what you think, however you mortals are meddlesome creatures with the penchant to tattle-tale like mere pups at the first sign of disturbance! I find concealment to be a far better option that giving you or any of your ilk more ammunition of which to use against me!” He seethed wanting nothing more than to fling the woman out of the cabin all together. Loki knew he was taking this to far but he was so damn tired and all he wanted was to be left alone. Then Romanov appeared and who knew what she would tell James if she had the chance.   
  
_She'll tell him that your worthless, that you have lost your mind. That she can smell the crazy on you._  
  
The alpha watched as all color started to drain from the alien omegas face. His illusion fading in flickers and shimmers, the failed imitation nothing more than a veil in the end. Steve had been right to worry.   
  
“Sit down Loki.” She says simply and the man looks surprised to find himself standing. “Sit. Down.” Natasha didn't want to have to do it; she detested pushing her own scent to kow omegas. Sometimes you had to use the tools you had, in Loki's case – physical strength would have been useless, biology however was something he couldn't fight. So the redhead lifted her chin and locked eyes with him, the sharp scent of command laces the air.   
  
When he sits down wordlessly, she can almost taste the bitter sulking, he's holding back but just barely. There is something else he's hiding to, it familiar because she's scented it on others. Pain...but not just any kind of pain, this is anguish and self-loathing. It's the kind that destroys a person from the inside out like a cancer. A burned rotted kind of pain. James was right to worry too.   
  
“Get out...get out…” Loki tries so hard to pour every ounce of malice into the words but all he hears is pleading. Damn her. 

“Is this what you want then?” He shrills throwing his hands wide ending his falsehood. The room is still tidy though less than perfect. She cannot understand why going to the trouble of hiding a bit of dust or a haphazard pile of unguarded papers. Maybe he just couldn't bear not having everything perfect. In truth, those sorts of things would have made her far less suspicious. Worst about all of these lies isn't the home, but Loki himself. Seeing him clearly, now she realized this wasn't the man that had invaded New York, or even the man who returned with Barnes. This was someone else, a man worn to the end of his rope with nothing left to give. The logical question would be to ask how James hadn't noticed this.  
  
However, Natasha knew the answer. He hadn't noticed because Loki hadn't wanted his mate to notice. Chances were that was a contributing factor to how done in the man looked. Faking was hard. “Do you think it's what I want?” she asked.   
  
Loki held her gaze defiantly, “I think it is, I think it's what you all want. The monster to get what’s coming to him, well here you have it. I do so hope it was worth the wait.”  
  
 _She's going to tell. It's over. It's over._   
  
“I should hope you have the decent to allow me to collect my things before you go and report my failings.”   
  
Report her findings? “Loki there's nothing I could say that would result in you having to leave, I know you're not doing anything sinister here, you aren't a danger to anyone”...aside from yourself, she wasn't going to say that though. Taking a jab or two now wasn't wise. He was trembling even more now and Natasha knew he could see it but even the overly self-conscience omega wasn't even trying to hold it in. Adrenaline – her mind supplied. It was the fight or flight response and Loki was intent on fleeing it seemed. This prompted the alpha to push more comfort and ease from her end. If you had told Natasha a few years ago that, she would be trying to comfort Loki. She would have suggested a number of medications you might like to try to handle those delusions.    
  
However, right now this wasn't just Loki standing before her crumbling. This was the omega of her pack brother, that's who James was to her – weather he like it or not. By extension, Loki was hers too, and she never left pack behind. 

* * *

She was lying, she had to be lying ...except- Loki could read a lie from miles away and there was nothing but honesty in the redhead’s steady voice. Romanov believed he wasn't doing anything wrong, she was here because she wanted to be. Because of  concern for him. It just didn't make any sense. He had been so careful and James hadn't said anything to him directly, sure, there had been long glances and awkward silences. Even so, Loki had held his head high and never gave any indication that anything was troubling him. Of course, maybe he didn't have to. Things had changed between them, Loki had changed.   
  
“Loki.” She called out to him and slowly her hand reached out in his line of sight.  Watching wearily as she placed the intruding appendage on his own cold shaking hands.  Her skin felt warm and soft, but he could still felt the strength there just under the smooth rose petal surface. Like his mothers hands.   
  
The mage felt his vision blur and he tried in vein to squeeze his eyes shut against the wheeling emotion.   
  
_Odin's little war runt, brought so low by the touch of a mortal woman. Pathetic._   
  
“Everything is fine.” His voice cracks and trills, sounding painful to even his own ears. “I've kept to my own and played by your rules. I have done all of these things to make penance and..”  Stop talking. Stop talking, what are you doing! A hateful version of his own vice shouted in his head.   
  
“You have, we should have seen that a lot sooner. Nevertheless, I don't believe everything is fine, James doesn't think everything is fine but he doesn't want to push you. If can't tell him, maybe you can tell me.”   
  
“No..” He shakes his head violently, ink strands of hair shrouding his face as their smooth texture fades away showing the messy dull waves. “This is my fault, it's mine.”  
  
“It doesn't have to be, you don't have to carry this. I used to think I had to carry things alone, sometimes that's too much for anyone, even a god.”  
  
He chuckles brokenly at her use of the term, “I'm not god...I'm a monster Agent Romanov. I am paying for my sins and unfortunately, James is as well. I was short sighted in my desire to him and selfish in my love. He should not have to suffer for me.”  
  
Natasha scooted closer, Loki really had changed. This man cared so much about how his actions influenced other that it was killing him, he had so much remorse for the past and was breaking underneath it. Loki wasn't thinking of himself, he wasn't being as selfish as he seemed to think he as, if anything Loki was being very very ...human. “What are you doing that you think is hurting him?”  
  
“I am...deficient.” He pulls his hands from hers wrapping his arms tight around himself. “James will never know the joy you are soon to know Agent Romanov.”

Natasha took her hand back and thought over the conversation she had with Barnes during their stake out. Clearly, Loki wanted a family just as much if not more so if this had devastated him to this degree. Taking their continued childlessness as a personal failure. “Are you sure? Have you been to a doctor? Or talked to your Alpha about this?”  
  
Loki scoffed. “I am not a mortal creature agent, I doubt very much any would have proper knowledge to tend to me. As for James, I do not wish to worry him, he had enough on his mind with Shield's demands on his time. To add to his already monumental tasks with additional strife of my own would be a true lack of care on my part.”  
  
“I don't think he would see it that way Loki. If pepper was having a problem, I would want her to come to me. If anyone in the tower has a problem we go to someone who can help, even if it's just to listen.”  
  
“I do not reside within the walls of your precious tower now do I?” his remark lacking the amount of fire he would have liked to levy behind it.   
  
She smiled thoughtfully, “No, but that doesn't mean you can't pick up a phone. We all should have made that clearer to you. Don't do this alone Loki, it won't end well and I don't want to see you or James suffer for that.”  
  
“You should though, want me to suffer.”  
  
“That's the thing,” She began “I live with this weird Alpha, Omega and their kids and these guys love second chances. It rubs off on the rest of us.”

 

 

* * *

 


	6. Chapter 5: Complications

Dark tinctured windows oscillated with the bass beat as Dave Mustane's unmistakable voice screamed out “Peace sells but who's buyin?” over an aggressive guitar lick.   
  
The throbbing music filled the workshop as the place came alive in salutation to its mechanic maestro. This lively greeting was actually a standard welcome home setting for each time the inventor was away from his “first children”.   
  
Tony thinks it is somewhat cute how the bots miss him so much when he has been away from them for a while. Like excited puppies hearing the front door open, they come rolling up to him when he enters the shop. Each time he steps through the doors it is like coming home for the first time. Before the alpha had settled down, he never really felt at home anywhere else. Some might call it cold to take comfort among metal and gears, but Tony doesn't feel that very at all. Growing up he was, as coddled and spoiled as some people might like to think. All he really had was the things he made with his hands. Circuits and wires lined his childhood dreams and through those aspirations and hard work came his “kids”. As troublesome as the bots could be they had been more than just projects between youthful transgressions.   
  
They had been his friends, his family- alternatively, as Pepper is so fond of saying _“his pack training wheels.”_ He supposed she wasn’t wrong there, had it not been for the bots, Pepper, and Rhodey- Tony would have had even worse social skills than he did now.   
  
“Hey…Dum-e...what are you doin? Hey!” Tony snaps his fingers at one of his errant robotic children.  “Clean this mess up make yourself useful.  It's not too late to turn you into a diaper bot, remember that.” Threatening the broom swinging bot might look childish but it speaking directly to Dum-e made the bot happy, if it could be happy. Tony likes to think so.   
  
All jokes aside, it was so good to be home after a long and tiring ordeal – also known as work. That wasn't to say that Tony wouldn't have volunteered for the business trip, he was being a good pack alpha and good friend when he told Pepper that he would handle things for SI while she was on leave; also, Natasha would skin him alive if he even thought about letting Pepper do his dirty work. So yeah, that was a factor as well.   
  
Still, there was nothing like welcoming domestic bliss after spending a week away living out of garment bags and attending mind-numbing meetings with shareholders and plant supervisors. He was used to playing with the big boys but that was ages ago – back when all the major players were a lot like Obie, a bunch of old suits who sat around drinking brandy and telling tales of their younger days.   
  
Tony knew how to deal with that type, even later on when those types were just starting to thin out – leaving sons Tony's age or a decade or so older to take the reigns. The second generation had been Tony's people! He could take those people to the trendiest club and schmooze until the wee hours. They would drink and go to parties, make a few bad decisions and a few memorable nights. He even managed to cultivate a few friendships like that.  Now, not so much.   
  
Now to the alpha's absolute horror, he was the old man in the room. Young alpha's with too much privilege and all these high ideals in their heads were starting to take a foothold. Still wet behind the ears (In Tony's opinion) who's idea of a good time was going to some weird restaurant that served craft beer with names like “Rose Rock ale” and “Citric dream logger”. Talking about going gluten free and how their Omegas took yoga. Spending the week with alphas that had soft hands and even softer egos. He's sure he made one of them cry.(Sorry, not sorry)  
  
He was probably going to get a very strongly worded letter from one of their omegas. Not that Tony reads his mail, he more-or-less let Jarvis handle that and his sorting algorithms only alerted him if anything particularly interesting was picked up by the AI.   
  
Thankfully, the trip wasn't a total wash- Stark's reputation preceded him and most of the younger crowd still saw him as Iron Man first, and Tony Stark second, A little hero worship can go a long way in greasing the wheels during negotiations. Even so, there was that little itch in the back of Tony's mind that said, _“One day that won't be enough, one day you'll be put out to pasture and trading that gauntlet for a cane, sure it will be a nice one ...maybe with built in repulsor that would be cool. Still, the day’s a-comin. The gray in your hair is taking over old boy. Soon you'll be the old man in the big chair smoking a cigar and talking about your better days.”_  
  
Tony wasn't in any hurry to get there. Another- darker part of him just chuckled and added _“don't worry; you'll die before you get a chance to get old.”_ That was actually worse in the grand scheme of things. He couldn't imagine not being there to see his little girl walk down the isle. Seeing his boy graduate, lying next to Steve when the blond in the soldier’s hair turned silver. God willing Steve would still love him then. That maybe they would be one of those couples you see walking in central park on a temperate spring afternoon. Walking hand in hand, one with a cane and both with there cardigans and scarves. They would be slower then and would stop half way at a familiar park bench and watch the sun light up the city skyline in hues of gold and magenta. Steve would probably harp on him for not wearing gloves when there was a light chill in the air. ‘you know how you’re hands ache.’ he’d say and maybe Tony would roll his eye, ‘that just means it’s going to rain. Plus, I have you to keep me warm, right soldier boy?’  
  
There was no time for nostalgia and wishful thinking now though, he had things to do. There was a stack of notes he'd managed to jot down between meeting that held everything from jet upgrades, weapons upgrades to how to program the coffee maker in the common room to heat up formula and dispense bottles. Maybe a cleaning features too. Pepper would appreciate that.   
  
“Sir, the children are requesting entrance. Shall I let them through?” The voice of the towers ever-faithful AI keeper said over the lowered volume as the track switched over to Dio's – Holy Diver. The softened almost imperceptible intro of wind and whining organ giving way to guitar almost as a compliment to the AI's prim enunciation,  
  
“No dice J, they know the rules, Daddy gets one hour of work time before we feed the gremlins. I have things to do, magnificence to build. No sticky fingers allowed.”  
  
“The young Master and Mistress have informed me that you are equal parts, unfair and not cool.”  
  
Stark furrowed his brow and glared at the computer screens. “First one I can accept, the second one though...well that's just not true.” 

* * *

  
There was a time Tony would have scoffed at the idea of following rules, if anything he had been the type to tell you that rules are meant to be broken. Really the whole idea of rules where more-or-less, suggestions. Thankfully, Tony did manage to grow up over the years.  Finding at least a modicum of value in having some guidelines in life.   
  
He may not be a stickler for these sorts of things, any aspiration for being the strict type had undoubtedly been beaten out of him before he was even old enough to vote. Not metaphorically speaking.   
  
Tony had managed to cobble together certain set of rules for when he returned form long business trips. The idea for doing this hadn't actually been his – he will renounce the origin of the rules if you ask, because they are nothing like Howard's Rules. Even so, there was a need for them as Pepper pointed out “If you don't take care of yourself then how can you take care of anyone else.”   
  
She had assured him it wasn't selfish at all to find a way to decompress once he came home, be it from SI work or Avengers missions. Steve had a similar ritual that mostly consisted of staying at the Compound or Shield for a few hours just letting his mind get out of  'soldier mode'. Tony didn't have a problem with that yet somehow things that applied to other he had a hard time of applying to himself.   
  
All he could think about was being a 5-year-old boy who just wanted to see his dad and being cruelly ignored.   
  
**Howard's Rules** had been iron clad and carried out under penalty of severe punishment. Said punishments usually occurring after rule one had been observed a time or ten.   
  
**1\. Scotch on the rocks in the den.** ( Tony can still remember the almost vacant look on his fathers face as he sat by the fire in that big brown leather chair. The way the golden light flickered over the mans gray hair and the shadows seemed to dig the lines in his face even deeper. All the while whirling the glass of amber liquid in hand before taking a deep drink. Scotch would later be the first drink to pass an impressionable 10-year-olds lips as he sat alone in the dead of night before his fathers liqueur cabinet.)  
 **2\. No noise what-so-ever for the next 24hours.** (Howard hated every single creak of the floor and whisper of voices in the manor sometimes. Later, Tony would realize that then his father had been doing a lot more than just board meetings and golfing, Howard had been dealing with Shield and stress of being director of the shadow organization. Even knowing what he knows know Tony finds it hard to forgive those harsh words and even harsher hands that on occasion backhanded him onto the floor in a fit of pique.)  
 **3\. Dinner, no speaking unless spoken to.** (Dinner with his parents had been like this more often than not. His mother always insisted that they all have at least one meal together a week. As a child, sitting silently as he finished his plate hadn't been much of a problem. HE had learned early that Howard didn't have the patience for mindless chatter. As he grew up however, the rebellious streak was painted a mile wide through the heir of Stark. Tony would often make snide remarks here and there just to get a rise out of the old man – much to his mother chagrin.)  
 **4\. Cigar on the back porch** (This had been instituted by Obadiah, to this day Tony can't take the smell of a cigar with out flinching.)  
 **5\. No questions**  
 **6\. No problems**  
 **7\. No crying** ( any of the above never ended well for anyone. In darker days before, Howard finally put the bottle away- thanks to an ultimatum from his wife that she would walk away forever otherwise, breaking such rules would end in house call from the Stark family's personal concierge physician. One particularly nasty evening on Tony's first visit home from boarding school had ended with a broken wrist. Howard hadn't been able to look at him for week after that and increased his allowance, as if that was a substantial enough apology.)  
 **8\. No phone calls unless it's urgent.**   
**9\. Nothing is urgent enough.** (A big middle finger to Obi for hounding Howard.)  
 **10\. Do not break the rules.**

* * *

  
Tony  wasn't going to backhand a poor pup or an omega if they broke some unspoken rule. His list was short, simple and violators didn't get much worse than an over exaggerated sigh.   
  
1\. **One hour of dad only time in the workshop.** ( Sometimes he had ideas come to him while he was away and would save quick notes on the plane to review when he was home. It was best to get these ideas out fresh because the way Tony's mind worked he was liable to end up filing them away in his –“miscellaneous shit folder”. This was a real folder that Jarvis loathed backlogging because if his master ever does decide to tackle it, it will take no less than 23 years, 7 months, 11 days, 21 hours, 4mins, and 19 seconds. The AI could break it down the millisecond but that would be rubbing it in.)  
  
 **2\. Cheese Burgers for dinner.** ( Alternatively, breakfast, Lunch, whatever time he managed to stumble out of the workshop. This is a tradition and simply cannot be broken. Nothing says welcome home like a Beef patties, lettuces, tomato and cheese. Bacon if you're fancy.)  
  
Brief, uncomplicated and if not followed...well- nothing actually happened unless you account for a royal puppy face from the over dramatic Alpha.   
  
Luckily, Steve adored house rules, he admired chore boards, gaga for grocery lists- he love any and all lists. Tony was pretty sure Steve and Phil had a little club where they hang out and talk in terms of bullet points.   
  
Thank god, Agent hadn't showed Steve the resplendence of Power point. One can only imagine what post battle debriefs would be like then...something like a 8th grade book report presentation comes to mind and Tony will not be held responsible for his actions if that happens.   
  
Overall, Tony had to admit as he leaned back in his spinning work chair – things had gone pretty well. He was home safe, the bots weren't spraying him down with flame retardant. He had a burger with his name on it not too far from now. As for his previous outing in the corporate world - The trip was dull as usual, but the trip home wasn't bad.   
  
The only minor hitch had been a text from Natasha as he was stepping off the plane that said they needed to talk about something.   
  
Must love pack meetings, not right now though thank you, he still had 37 more Tony Time mins. Then and only then would he be prepared to handle whatever else was required of him. If it weren’t too pressing,  he would try to get in some little Tony time with Steve. He had missed those glorious serum infused buns.   
  
“Sir, you have a call from a Ms. Maya Hansen.”  
  
This is why he can't have nice things, Tony wanted to say no, go to voice mail but who was he kidding. There is only so many reason fellow geniuses called him and it was rarely ever anything good.   
  
Maya Hansen was an old associate of Tony's. They had met a number of years ago during a technology summit in Switzerland.  It seemed that the lovely beta scientist was in hot water. Truthfully, Tony could just barely remember the woman, while yes she had been beautiful, Tony was still in his 'wine, women, and song' phase. He did vaguely remember she had been working on some innovative and exciting tech in the biotech discipline.   
  
 Hansen calling him unexpectedly like this didn't feel like it was going to be a happy coincident.   
  
“Maya how are you? I hope that this isn't about a 12-year-old who has my eyes. “ Tony joked.  
  
“He's 13 actually.”  
  
The Alpha looked like he'd just been electrocuted. “What?” please no. No NO! Please if there is a God, Loki, and Thor...Thor's dad..Someone up there better be listening!!!!!  
  
“I'm kidding, you can unclench Stark. It's about Extremis, the project I was working during the summit.”  She assured, asking if he even remembers the project  that had promised to be revolutionary even then, though there were still quite a few kinks to work out. While she remember the night they shared in crystal clarity something about the long pause made her realize it hadn't nearly been as memorable to the famed- Genius, billionaire, playboy. Then again, it had been along time ago.  
  
Tony ran the gin soaked remnants of that New Years over and over in his mind and with what bits he could string together – other than Maya being quite the athletic little thing in bed – which he didn't think had anything to do with a project, he was drawing a blank. “Little Foggy on that.”   
  
They both knew why but thankfully, Hansen didn't call to make this an uncomfortable conversation about a one-night stand over a decade ago. She was kind enough to explain how the nano techknowledgy had expanded to encompass a branch of study that had led her down a path that no one should tread. "...Extremis is the solution to the sought after super-soldier serum, I never meant for it to be that but when I saw what it could do. It got away from me, I trusted the wrong people.”  
  
Tony fell back into his chair; vaguely remember reading Bruce's file when Fury had first approached him about the Avengers initiative. Then thinking about why Hydra had done to Barnes. Steve could not know about this, every time someone tried to replicate the effects of the serum it always ended badly for everyone involved and his omega seemed to take it the worst.   
  
“How… I thought it was bioelectronics. There's only so far you can go with nanite tech before you end up all terminator and that's nothing like the serum.  
  
“Right, you're absolutely right.” Her tone spoke of regret so great it crushed the very life inside. “Extremis is fitted into a few billion graphite nanotubes and suspended in a carrier fluid. It was suppose to be the ultimate answer. It all seemed so damn elegant Tony, a one shot step to perfection just like the original super-soldier serum. Only...”  
  
Tony rubbed his forehead, he was getting to old for this shit, “Only what, did you not work out that whole exploding kink? Do I need to worry about Molotov Assassins going off like roman candles?”  
  
“I wish it were that simple Tony, I really do. Extremis doesn't just enhance it hacks the body's repair center and rewrites it. In the first stage, the body is ravaged until its little more than a giant open wound. Extremis tricks the brain into thinking the host body is wrong. Then ...it rewrites everything. Normally this process is carried out with the test subject placed on life support in a containment chamber.”  
  
“Christ...” He felt sick, true there had been a point that Tony toyed with the idea of including bore bio-elements into the suit. He had already been using dermal implants for months now but this.  “Tell me you haven't done this to someone.”  
  
Her answer was thankfully, swift, “Absolutely not, even though Extremis has huge potential in the cosmetic field and even in treating patients with disfigurements and limb-loss, it’s still too volatile. Behaviorally and physiologically speaking all the test subjects became enraged after the introduction of the package. I had no way of knowing what it might do to a human subject, but Killian...”  
  
Tony could feel the headache starting. “Killian...why is that familiar? “   
  
“You met him that night, well... he tried to meet you but you were with me.” She trailed off “Anyway, he seemed to take it pretty personal and has this weird obsession with his company, the company I work for- AIM somehow surpassing Stark Industries even though we are in completely different fields. I think...Tony I think he's talking to some very bad people.”  
  
“There's something you're not telling me and I have a distinct feeling I'm not going to like it.”  
  
“I stopped the project last year; there were too many problems with the subjects. I realized that Extremis was just to volatile and even if it wasn’t…the risk out weighed the reward. I was willing to walk away from it all but Killian insisted I stay on. He said I was an asset, I was a fool to believe him. He just wanted the virus…that’s what it’s become Tony, that’s the only word I can use for it at this point.  Worse, I think Killian has been working with it behind my back. I'm not sure what he's doing with it but it can't be anything good. I'm risking a lot just by telling you this. I just... didn't know who else to call.”  
  
Right ok, so far all he knew was this thing was out there – possible not usable but possibly in a stage where it could be. Great, that's great because this is totally what he had hoped to come home to. “You did the right thing Maya; just keep your eyes open and your head down. I'll get my guys looking into this.” 

* * *

  
As if things couldn't be complicated enough, with the potential of cyborg super soldiers or some other such mad shit on the apparent horizon,(this is why you can't have nice things Tony) he has a pre-heat omega to deal with. Cause nothing says ’ welcome home’ like murderous rage infused creatures! Let’s just throw our personal lives in a big blender and take a sex holiday while the world goes to hell.   
  
Not that Steve wasn't an absolute treat when he got all blushy and horny, because – God bless America!  Tony wasn't complaining about that part a bit, it was since they had decided to try for a baby that Steve had started doing awful things like reading Web MD.   
  
_“I coughed once Steve... no I don't have a pulmonary embolism! For Edison sake get off the internet!”_  
  
Even so, Tony wasn't going to begrudge Steve's curiosity.  Having the twins had been stressful and there was always that ounce of anxiety in the back of both of their minds until they held them in their arms. This time is was going to be different- planed, maybe a little too planed as far as Tony was concerned. Steve had already gone to the liberty of getting Tony all sorts of weird Alpha vitamins and protein drinks.  The later almost as bad as those awful green things he drank when he was dying of palladium. Almost.  
  
 _“I don't need to drink this frothy abomination! I'll have you know Rogers that my sperm is virile enough thank you very much! If you hadn't noticed, I put two in you without even trying!”_  
  
Okay, maybe he had been a little too ready to go out of town for that meeting after all. A tiny respite from Steve's fretful family preparations, was welcome. As bad as that sounded even now to his inner voice, he just couldn't take the hening. He loved Steve, he really did but it was day like that, that reminded him how often the two of them could butt-heads in the past.   
  
Speaking of, “babe, you ok in there?” Tony tapped on the bathroom door, He had just returned to the penthouse to find it sans pups and a bathroom-sequestered omega. This was going to be a winning day for sure. Part of him quietly prompted the alpha to keep on walking, don't even ask. From this point on, there be dragons!  Alas, he was a glutton for punishment and so he knocked, of course he knocked.  
  
“Yeah, I um...I have to take my temperature and compare it to the chart that Bruce worked up for us.” Steve's voice quivered slightly as he spoke.   
  
Pre-heat had started mid morning, having become much easier to settle into the last couple of years, Steve almost felt like a normal omega. Able to mark the calendar with a small margin of error. Provided there were no upcoming important mission or Intel suggesting something was amiss in the great big world. Of course, since Bucky had returned and the team had extended and reached out to other exceptional individuals – Steve found himself with a more predictable scheduled these days.   
  
Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. “You're doing what?” This was happening..Of course it was.  
  
Steve uttered from beyond the door, “Look there is...ya now what no. I'm not explaining it; I just have to do this okay? Can you just...go to the bedroom and wait for me?”   
  
Tony smirked and leaned into the door, breathing deeply to catch that barely there cloying sweetness slithering through the door jam. Ok whatever, he could care less what Steve was doing in there right now because his pants just got tighter with just one sweet whiff. “That a...internal thermometer? Because I could help, hell you can call me Dr. Stark. I have a doctorate ya know. I just don't have people call me that because it’s pretentious. For you though...Mmm. Yep the Doctor is in sweetness!”   
  
“Get the hell away from the door Stark.”    
  
The alpha pouted and pawed at the lever, “No fun, you're no fun. How can you deny me like this Steeeeb!” The answering silence was enough.  “ Fine, I need to go make a call anyway. Nevertheless honey, remember to just relax ok? I know this is a big deal right now but it's nothing we haven't done before. You're healthy, I'm ...as healthy as I can be considering. We'll be fine, try to recall that the fun part is making the baby.”  
  
There's a sigh and then the door cracked open a fraction, Steve already looked a little disheveled, “Yeah I know.” He said, gently accepting a kiss from his alpha. “Go make your call, see ya in a bit.”

* * *

  
  
 With Steve’s, heat imminent, Tony finds himself torn between things happening around him and his family. He needs a drink or ten because how is he supposed to do all of this right now.   
  
A little snide part of his mind that sounds a little too much like Howard, chides him to suck it up _'Pick yourself up by your bootstraps boy_ '. Yeah, because that's what the old man always did, hell that's what Steve did. Maybe it was just that generation's uncanny ability to just walk it off no matter the trouble. Sure, Tony liked to think he was made of tougher stuff. He'd been abducted, tortured and nearly killed dozens of times and still managed to keep on keepin on. The thing was Tony wasn't a lightweight, you could throw anything at him physically and he'd just get up and throw some dirt on the blood, coming back every time with some smart-assed remark on the tip of his tongue. Any given Sunday he would have stepped right up and took on an alien invasion, megalomaniac tyrant, terrorist organization, monsters and any combination. Hell, throw in a sharknando for funzies! (Damn Barton to hell for getting him hooked on those awful movies).   
  
Problems didn't arise until you threw in that horrid gray area of emotions and morality. Dilemma- didn't even begin to cover it.   
  
Should he tell Steve about the phone call with Hansen? It wasn't like there was much ole Cap could do about it right now anyway, and he knows Steve is already stressed enough.    
  
Despite that, he also remembers the agreement they made when it came to the team, they would always consult each other like equals. No matter how much Tony liked to joke on the coms about Steve being 'the boss', If they ever had the luxury to brief before a mission they would both go over strategy and Steve always took what he had to say and considered his opinion. That was one thing that the alpha valued between them. Stark would have been more than happy to have that agreement when it came to everything but Steve was a traditionalist. His omega preferred to defer to him behind closed doors.   
  
_“Its how I was raised Tony, I'm not asking you to take me over your knee for bad behavior and I'm not going to meet you at the door with a drink everyday. However, when it comes to the kids and things between us? I'm going to respect your choices for us because I love you and I trust you.”_   
  
Tony shook his head and sat heavily behind his desk in the home office. “This is for us, I'm doing this for us...,” he said quietly. All altruism aside,  he couldn't just let this fall by the wayside. Even if he wasn't going to worry Steve with it, someone needed to stay on top of this just in case. He could call Fury...then again – he wants to help Hansen and doesn't trust Fury not to snatch her up.  Agent would be out too, for all the good Phil was – at the end of the day, he's still a company man.   
  
That only left one person, the only person who cared enough about Steve to keep this close to the vest for now.   
  
“J, Call Barnes, Buckaroo and I need to have a word” 

* * *

  
Things in the Barnes home had not been fairing well either.   
  
James had been astounded to find Natasha in his home, upon his return from the grocery store, the red haired alpha had simply smiled and gestured to box of baked good on the coffee table. The excuse of a goodwill mission bearing sweets didn't really seem her style, then again, James wouldn't put it past Bruce or Pepper to have been the driving for that sort of thing. He tried not to read too much into, they both seemed to be whole. No blood on the floor so that was a bonus, after all Loki was a wild card when it came to his moods.  
  
Natasha even offered to help bring-in the shopping. Another helpful gesture that made the entire thing feel more domestic than James would have ever imagined possible. However, when she stood to follow him and gently patted Loki's hand, with out the former sniping at her.  That diminutive action had been enough to raise James' brow in question.   
  
Not that he wasn't pleased, he'd always longed-for Loki to reach out to the others – he wasn't holding his breath for it of course. James would often look to the interactions within the tower and feel a hollow ache that Loki didn't want to be apart of that. He knew that if his omega could just find it in himself to let those walls down for someone other than him that Loki would flourish. There wasn't anything like the  feeling of pack when times were hard, having people around you to share that burden and cheer for your triumphs. James having grown up with Steve, his sisters, and even later in the army – had always had that. Having lost that during those dark days under Hydras thumb, he wished for it again.  
  
Still, something about it didn't put him at ease like it should have. Natasha befriending his omega should have made him have all those warm wonderful pack feelings. Should have but did not. All Barnes felt now was apprehension.   
  
The two walked back out to the car and began to unload the bags while Loki retreated farther into the house. Natasha shook her head when they came in with the first few sacks – noticing the missing ravenette.   
  
On the second trip she paused in her gathering, “He needs you right now. He may not say it but he does.”  
  
A small part of him wanted to snort diversely and say that he knew what his omega needed and didn't need anyone else to tell him, another part of him, the one that held so much respect for the woman beside him, quelled any protest. “I've been trying. Tashka... I really have. I can't fix it if he won't let me.”   
  
“Some things you can't just fix, life isn't that easy. You and Tony really need a lesson in that.”  
  
Barnes did snort at that. “You wound me, comparing me to Mr. Armani suits and sunglasses.”   
  
She smirked following behind him up the porch steps, “Whatever you say.”   
  
After she left, James was alone to sort out what had happened while he was on his shopping trip of lies. Loki hadn't said much as they put away foodstuffs and chatted idly about dinner plans. He hadn't wanted to push, only asking in a conversational tone is Loki and Natasha had a nice visit.   
  
The omega tipped his head to one side and poured himself another cup of tea, “It was bearable, dare I say mildly enjoyable.” His voice as even as if commenting on the weather. For all purposes, it should have soothed that itch in the back of the alphas mind. Yet it didn't.  
  
Still the words had kept roaming around in Barnes head as he watched his omega. _“He needs you right now. He may not say it but he does.”_   Focusing less on the grace of Loki's movements and seeing them as usual, he watched them for what they were – practiced. He saw more this time – it was an act. A carefully crafted act but an act none-the-less. Loki no longer had an effortless air about him, each dismissive sign and fluid hand gesture seemed to take no much concentration. When had that happened?   
  
James stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Loki, “You ok babe?” He had to admit it now that the evidence was staring him in the face, Loki was not his usual self; there was unrest around the taller mans shoulders.   
  
Try as he might there were things even Loki couldn't hide.   
  
Loki leaned into the embrace all but falling against his alpha, he should be honest he knew that. “Not …entirely.” Such a small admittance felt like breaking a chain around his neck. Maybe he couldn't say the words now but perhaps he could have this.   
  
“Is it something I did?” the once soldier questioned, finally catching the barest hint of pain from the ravenette, holding on a little tighter to try and force that hurt away. Loki had already suffered enough, they both had.  Feeling that bitter tug along their bond hurt, and more than that- it scared him. James had seen first hand the state Loki had fallen into while in Asgard. He ever wanted to see that deep of a decline in his mate ever again.   
  
“Never you darling.”  
  
The reassurance didn't do much to lighten James' mind. Loki wasn't saying much and it worried the alpha greatly to have some unknown storm n the horizon, still he had to wonder if maybe now they wouldn't have to weather it alone. Natasha, Steve, hell even Tony would be there with them. Loki had allowed her in their home and had found some sort of solace with Natasha. That had to stand for something, this had to mean that there was something good to come out of this.   
  
“Sweetheart, why don't you go lay down for a bit while I take care of dinner then after I’ll run you a bath. Sound good?”   
  
Loki smiled against his alphas neck, “It sounds perfect.”

* * *

  
  
In the following days Loki wasn’t giving much away but he did seem to take comfort when offered and even seek it out so James was hopeful that the omega would come around on his own time. Loki had even gone back to work and Barnes was back in training rotation at Shield. Life was headed back into the realm of restfulness, but of course, it couldn’t stay that way. When you're the worlds first line of defense against all that extra-ordinary shit that seemed to crop up out of nowhere, you didn't get to pick your days off.   
  
Barnes felt his phone vibrate insistently in his pocket as he walked across the compound. Normally he'd ignore it, because if it were something important Fury would have overridden the silence feature or sent an Agent to track him down. That was before things at home had taken such a down turn. Part of him flinched every time his phone rang when he was away, he had this six sense that there was something coming. Some dark cloud looming just out of sight. James just prayed it was a storm they would be able to weather.   
  
Fishing out the device, he frowned at the caller ID, not Loki. Not anyone who would normally bother calling him up just to shoot the shit as it were.   
  
“Stark?”  
  
“Damn would a hello kill you? You know I thought your generation was all about manners. Steve would be scandalized.” Tony replied on the other end of the line.  
  
James rolled his eyes, “Right wouldn’t want to get Stevie's  panties in a wad now would we? Okay I’ll bite, How the hell are ya Tony?” Not that Barnes actually thought this was going to be a social call, unless hell had frozen over. On the other hand, maybe Natasha had gone back to the tower and shared her concerns with the rest of the pack? That was an option, though he liked to think her discretion would have at least extended to telling Stark not to call and pester him. Cause honestly if the man was about to give him a lecture then he was going to go over there and jam a boot up that spoiled brats behind.   
  
Stark chuckled, “Not great, I have a little problem, well it might not be a problem yet but the ETA on shit hitting the fan  is a little sooner than I’d like.”  
  
Color him intrigued, this had nothing to do with him, which in this case was a good thing. “Why ya callin me? Isn’t this the sort of thing you take to Fury?”   
  
“Well I would but this ones personal, an old acquaintance of mine may have gotten herself into some trouble. Ever heard of a pharmaceutical company called AIM?”  
  
The soldier paused looking over his shoulder before ducking into an empty barracks room.” Matter-of-fact I have, take this to Fury Stark. Whatever your friends stepped in - trust me when I say it’s not just  a little shit.”   
  
“So this is already on the radar then…of course it is.” Tony would have been foolish to think something like this would have slipped past Fury and his singular all seeing eye.  “ Buckster I want info on this but…well its that time again if you catch my drift. Sure you understand when I say my attention is going to be a little divided for the next week or so.”  
  
Barnes did understand,, now that he thought about Loki wasn’t far off from Steve cycle wise, he idly  wondered if maybe that’s what his omega was so worried about. They had been trying with no success, was Loki wanting to stop? “Yeah…no I get it. Look, I’ll keep my ear to the ground for you on this one and if anything pokes it’s head out I’ll be sure to get on the detail. You just look out for Stevie.”  
  
“You’re not so bad Robocop.”  
  
“Yeah yeah, get back to your omega punk.”

* * *

  
 Tony sat back in chair feeling slightly better knowing he had someone on this that wasn‘t wholly incompetent. (Not that he would ever compliment Barnes' intelligence. Can't have all that going to the old mans head after all, wouldn't want to get over excited and rust.) Scrubbing his hands over his face, Tony called out to his AI to dig into the SHIELD servers and pull out anything that had AIM tagged in the last year. It was always better to be over prepared than under prepared in situations like this. If that meant scanning, every tax return and Micky D's receipt then so be it. “Store that on my private server, I‘ll want some light reading in a few days.”  
  
“As you wish Sir, the children are squared away on Agent Coulson and Agent Barton’s floor.”  
  
“Thanks J, is Steve in the nesting room yet?” He asked walking through the penthouse tugging off his t-shirt, he‘d take a shower first but Steve had an odd preoccupation with his working man stank during a heat. The thought made him smirk a little, for the next five days he‘d be more or less MIA with a randy super soldier. If he died of loss of bodily fluids it wasn‘t an awful way to go.   
  
“Yes Sir.”  
  
It was going to be a long week, but hopefully now that he had one less thing on his mind- Tony could look forward to something better, something that was going to change his life forever. Even know, closing his eyes and leaning back just breathing in the moment Tony could see it. Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes, and countless potential. He hoped for another son, he loved Wendy to pieces but a foolish part of his heart wanted a little boy that was all Steve. A little golden haired boy with big blue eyes and all the joy and wonder for the world around him. All those Times Tony thought he wouldn't ever want this where like distant memories. Every fear he had about become like his old man had been washed away with first steps and first words. Those apprehensions had faded behind vibrant paint handprints on the fridge and height notches on the wall.  
  
Another image came to the alpha that made his mind purr as he walked from the office toward the nesting room. Steve bathed n the evening light, lying on the bed with the kids.  All of them peaceful and safe, this was what it was all for. 

* * *

Life has a funny way of lulling you into a false sense of security. Right when you think, things are looking up- something or someone has to come along and jerk the rug right out from under your feet.  One moment the world is a safe and sunny place and then the rain clouds come rolling in and every inch of clear blue turns black, the wind picks up and sirens wail. Safety is only ever an illusion, a promise given to foolishly soothe those who are even bigger fools to believe it. Maybe that was a pessimistic way to view things but after you had lived through all the muck and mire you started to realize that indeed, the glass was half empty. The trick was being ok with that, cherishing that last little bit for every drop. Case with one call it could all go tits up in a second.  
  
Let alone given a week to simmer.

 

Coulson picks up his cell phone at 2am, he already knows its not something he's going to like. The agents that had been watching the group that Romanov and Barnes had been surveying a few weeks ago just reported a sudden night departure.   
  
He's up and dressing, slipping on a started shirt and black tie like battle armor. All the while maintaining a cool lit- not even an ounce of sleep in his voice to suggest he did such a thing at all. Asking questions and demanding a visual was second nature.  
  
The shift of the bed was more than enough to wake his Alpha and Barton is up and reading his omegas lips as he dresses hastily before snatching up his hearing aids. He could already tell by the stiff line in the omegas shoulders that there could be an assemble for this one and with Tony and Steve benched and Thor off world it might be all hands on deck. The archer hoped this wasn’t priority one and maybe they’d just call in Barnes, Wilson, himself and Natasha. They didn’t like to leave the tower without at least one heavy hitter to protect the homestead. Bruce might not trust himself but they all knew the good doctor and his green alter ego would protect the packs pups with his life.  
  
“What do you mean you've lost them?” Phil says and that’s not good.    
  
  
The surveillance van had been cut from pursuit  by a sudden accident, the young agents scrambles up backstreets to get back on the tail but then the traffic gums up the roads and this is falling apart faster than a snow cone in hell.   
  
The next few hours are a blur as Clint packs up not only the twins but his own pups and send the annoyed little troop of sleepy children off to Pepper with an apology on his lips. He knows she has a lot on her plate with the new baby and the fact that now Natasha will have to come with him and Phil as they head to SHIELD. Bruce assures them that he'll be there and of course, the kids adore their uncle Bruce more than anything.   
  
By the time the group descends  on Shield Headquarters Barnes is already there stalking up and down in front of the satellite surveillance screens. “What the hell happened to intercepting them!” He scowls throwing his arms wide in irritation. He hasn't mentioned his conversation with Stark to anyone. In the back of his mind something tells him he should, knowing now that if whatever was taken from AIM was enough to make Stark nervous – they had a big problem. Even so, he’d given the pack Alpha his word and where James came from a man’s word meant something.   
  
“Objectives change in the field.” Phil says, just as calm as you please,  taking a folder from one of his team.  
  
 Fury hasn't said anything on the matter and the black leather clad man has a look on his usually impassive face that makes James wonder if he knows more than anyone in this room. It wouldn't be the first time.   
  
Just after sunrise there's more to look into than just the theft at the pharmacy company.  Dr Aldrich Killian, was found in his office that morning by his secretary. The man had committed suicide after typing and printing his confession. A typed and signed note informs co-worker Maya Hansen that he has stolen and "loosed" the company's dangerous Extremis serum for some "greater" purpose. 

 

Finally Shield's fearless leader shows his hand and Barnes feels like he’s been here before, a younger fire-bellied version of himself once stood in line and felt like the orders passed down were a crock-of-shit and he was going to have to sit down and have a big old bowl of it with a forced smile on his face.   
  
Fury says gesturing to a large screen behind him. Its a satellite image of a warehouse...no ...it's a slaughter house. Wonderful. “We believe that Mallen has taken his crew to this location to administer the bio-agent he is now in possession of. Moreover, we know now he's not alone, this isn’t some home grown anarchist skinhead fuckery ladies and gentleman.” Fury changes the images and they watch as the image enhances to show black SUV's and men in dark tactical gear bearing a familiar insignia.   
  
A Skull with writhing tentacles.


	7. Chapter 6: All the kings men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I love music, as previously stated so I challenged myself writing each section inspired by a different song. I will list these per-section So if you have any of the songs handy and want to curl up in my thought process with me while reading then there ya go. I also thought it would be an interesting way to set the mood behind each scene. Let me know if you feel this enhances your reading experience and I will do it more often!

_**01~Hurts like hell- Fleurie** _

The universe is not a consummate place; Loki understood that more than anyone. No, he knew that the world was filled to the brim with pitfalls and thorns. A deceptive yet beautiful garden, on its surface a glowing haven for the weary. Sweet winds calling you down its paths with whispers of jasmine and promises of respite. Only when you were surrounded by its cloying liar’s canopy, did the charm turn to rust and vines crawl out like hungry snakes, wrapping around your limbs and dragging you to your death.   
  


Maybe it was a touch too pessimistic a view, he would not argue that. However, when you find that the things you have always wanted are consistently dangled just out of reach – you tend to gain a less than Pollyannaish perspective on the world around you. You become accustom to disappointment and maybe that was Loki's greatest strength, he knew not to hope for too much. Having gleaned so early that he never was quite as deserving.

 

Since coming back to Midgard, he had learned a great many things. Some better than others, some useful – some not (Social media was completely asinine). Out of all the things he had picked up among the mortal world, one phrase that kept coming to mind was ' _It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all',_ the words of a great playwright. While Loki found most of the mortal Shakespeare's' work to be exemplary, he would like to point out to dear Sir William, that no – it was not better.

 

To have loved and lost is the cruelest of punishments. It flew in the face of every heartbreak, every supreme grief. If you never know what it is to love and be loved you cannot lament its loss.

 

To know the sweetness of a lovers kiss and have it torn form you … to feel the aching in your chest that stays and refuses to kill you. That is horror unimaginable.   
  


So no, the glass could never be half-full for him. Not until he was unafraid of it being empty. To lose fear of loneliness meant freedom, it was a freedom he had lost the moment he placed his hands in those of James Buchanan Barnes. He handed over his heart that day and let a mortal man have the only thing with in worth having. He did all of this gladly and would do it a thousand times over. Loki was well and truly helpless to this man, he did the one thing he swore he wouldn't do and now he would fight tooth and nail to keep that love. If he had to lie – so be it, if he had to swallow down every ounce of poison his broken heart could provide – he would. He would do it because he Loved James Barnes ...more than he loved himself.

* * *

 _ **  
~02 Hallelujah – Piano/Violin cover (Roy & Rosemary)**_ __  
They had gone to bed that night wrapped in each others arms. Making love had been soft and kind and all the things Loki would have preferred to say he did not adore. He rather liked that others viewed him with a hard light – thinking him to be too cold for such sentiments. There was strength in the fear of others; you never had to be as strong when people feared you. If you could manipulate perception, you could be as weak as a kitten and no one would know because they would be too afraid to test your fortitude.

  
Yet here in this bed he did not have to fall under skewed perceptions, here he could look up with wide eyes and kiss swollen lips, he could breath in the comforting mixture of leather and steel. Arching and gasping under stubble laced kisses and a strong chest. It had been so long... finally he had bent to the alphas wiles and it felt so good. Maybe now he could tell him, in the morning perhaps when the sun warmed them in their little nest of tangled sheets. Yes, he would tell him then. He'd let James have it all because now he knew the truth – quietly wishing Natasha hadn't been the one that had to point it out. She was far too perceptive that one.

 

However, morning and its clarity did not come, as it was suppose to, there would be no soft words spoken from an open heart. No end to the self-loathing worn like a heavy cloak. Loki would once again have to push down the pain because the world was falling apart before his eyes.

_  
“James…” Loki's head popped up as he reached blindly for the body next to him. The bed shifted and the covers were tossed, That wasn't right- things were just beginning to calm and Loki wasn't ready to be left alone again. There was so much he needed to say and he couldn't say it with his alpha miles away. “James...What are you doing.” he called out, allowing the tinge of distress to linger in his voice._

 

_There was no mistake in the wavering in his omegas voice but Barnes didn't have the luxury to stay right now. He knew from the moment his phone chimed on the night table. There was a feeling in the air as he gently extradited himself form his lover’s long arms. Something was coming. “I have to go.”_

 

_The blunt answer had the omega frozen for a heartbeat. That couldn't be right, James couldn't leave._

 

_Nevertheless, he was and this wasn't up for debate._

 

 _James was suiting up, a grim continuance settling over his features. It wasn't that this was a new occurrence; it was a sight that Loki had come accustom to since his alpha had returned to the reformed SHIELD. Loki had seen these posthumous nighttime calls and he'd also seen the aftermath of them._  
  
The call would come and James would suit up and head off on whatever it was that SHIELD demanded. Gone for days sometimes weeks, then he'd come home...but he would wouldn't really come home. Not immediately. At first, his alpha would sit alone on the back deck with Duchess' head in his lap and a case of beer resting at his side. Just staring out at the pitch-black woods and star speckled sky for hours until whatever veil lifted from his mind and allowed him to come home. Calls like this never ended well, it was too abrupt. Too much, like waking up after years in a frozen cell to be used. 

 

“ _Why…” Maybe it was a stupid question but for some reason Loki just felt furious, the rage boiling up in the pit of his stomach refused to allow his tongue to still. “Out of everyone why is it you? Do they not have other soldiers to march out in front of the firing line?” He snapped tossing the blankets now bundled on his side to the middle, crumpled and forgotten. They didn't need this right now. Not now…not when he needed James the most._

 

**Selfish** _**.** _ **You had all this time to tell him and did not, now you want to keep him here...selfish.**

 

“ _Sweetheart it ain't like I'm thrilled alright, if you can reel in your claws before I go I'd appreciate it.” James cut a cold look in the dim room at him that begged him to stop._

 

**Just stop talking Loki. Just stop. Can you not see your alpha has more important things to tend to?**

 

“ _So you just leap when Fury and Stark snap their fingers is that it? What about us? What about me?”_

 

_Barnes clipped on his belt angrily,” What about you? Ya know there is a whole world out there Loki if you would bother looking at it! It's not all about You or us! I go out there and do what I do so we have something to come home to!”_

 

_Loki sneered and stormed around the bed, “I know what's out there; I know it far better than you ever will you anserine mortal!”_

 

_A bitter crack of laughter filled the room like poisonous vapor. “Right, ok. Sorry I forgot my puny human brain couldn't possibly understand. Maybe that's why you confuse the fuck out of me! Because you want me here yet when I'm here you don't talk to me. Maybe it's just my mortal failings though right?”_

 

**Worthless, look at you – WORTHLESS. He's seeing you for what you are! A spoiled selfish little brat! The runt castaway of a monster!**

 

“ _I...”_

 

 **He hates you, you are death, desiccation, disease! You have given him nothing and taken everything! All you do is take and take! No wonder he wants to leave. What if he leaves and dies then what? This is what you will have of him. Those angry eyes cast on you...worthless.** __  
  
“You what? No verbal knives left to throw at me before I go out there and risk my life? No more quipping little jabs to show how smart you are? Yeah, poor dumb James, poor dumb lab rat alpha who can't possibly grasp anything!” James snarled the bitter stink of aggression making his omega flinch and god that just made it worse.

 

_The way Loki was starting to shrink back and cower, that wasn't what he was going for but there it was. It wasn't like he had time to fix it now. He would have apologized then but there was just so much going on, so much to worry about._

 

_Loki didn't say anything, he just turned away and a long sleeve shirt and black pant materialized on his form before he shimmered out of sight. Fleeing like a punished child. Running was all he was good at these days._

 

“ _Damn it...”the brunette muttered as the bitter smell of ozone and self loathing lingered in their now abandoned bedroom. “Damn it to hell!”_

* * *

 

 _ **~03 Breathe me - Sia**_  
Looking back on it now, Barnes felt awful for the argument. Fighting before a mission was always hard; repeatedly the alpha swore he wouldn't do it – promised himself that he'd contain his frustration. He had failed; Loki had this weird ability to always draw it out those snide remarks and cutting stares. Then again, James would be remiss to blame this entirely on his omega, Loki had been teetering on some weird precipice for days of nearly saying everything then saying nothing. Watching as the ravenette missed more work and almost as many meals. All the while James was left to try his best at being supportive but not hovering. Loki hated being treated with kid gloves but it was hard not to when he looked like a strong breeze could carry him away.

 

That sick sour tinge lingering just at the edge of their bond made the alpha worry. It was clear that Loki wasn't hiding as much as he was before, whether this was a conscious effort or not remained to be seen. James wished things were different for them but this was life and you had to deal with the uncontrollable variables outside of yourself. Even if all James wanted to do was hold his omega and try to fix whatever it was that Loki was wrestling with.

 

They didn't have that luxury.

 

Unfortunately, he had other obligations that could mean life and death, not only for him, but for the world at large. Barnes had promised to keep an eye out for Stark and looked like he was about to make good on that, if the reports from SHIELD were anything to go by. The late night call had only confirmed the worst – Mallen had made a play and was able to shake the agents tailing him and his lackeys. A group of terrorists in the wind was never what you wanted to have on your hands. Of course no one had been able to station a group at AIM. Barnes wanted to kick himself for not going rouge on that one. They knew where Mallen was headed but still Fury insisted they would scoop up the threat after Mallen had obtained whatever he was trying to get from the pharmaceutical company. 'Two birds – one stone', yeah they see how well that worked.

 

James flexed his metal hand and looked out the window, distantly listening to Coulson briefing his team, the Agent may have kept his voice level but the intent dressing down was clear. Barnes would have liked to point out that sending such young field agents out on this particular op was a mistake- he knew the critique would be unwelcome. To his right, Natasha spoke in soft soothing tones on the phone with Pepper no doubt. He thought of the omega and Banner alone in the tower with all of the pups. Well not alone, the penthouse was still on lock down so it was as good as alone. James was quietly dreading the inevitable call to Stark he would have to make, while he would try to avoid it if at all possible – tonight was a prime example of how sometimes things just didn't go as planned.

 

An hour had passed and they now still hadn't come up with a solid strike team. Given what they knew about Hansen's formula, the woman in question had been brought in, they needed their heavy hitters. That was if the virus was at all like what Hansen had designed it to be. Her fear that her previous (now dead) employer, Killian, had perfected the formula or worse – made it even more effective that even Hansen had imagined, they could be facing someone with all the power of an enhanced soldier time 1000. In a perfect scenario they'd send in Steve and Tony maybe with him as cover. In an even better scenario they would have Thor on deck, a solid force to manage any variable. Alas, this was the worst-case scenario the team had feared when their two leaders bonded.

 

Steve would never forgive himself if someone was sent out on the field and killed in his stead.

 

There had been talk about calling Stark in regardless of his personal issues and Natasha had staunchly said no. It wasn't really her choice though, Tony had trusted him with watching out for this and now it couldn't be helped. Why did everything have to fall apart at the same time.

 

“I'm calling Stark.”

 

Surprisingly, there wasn't a push back to his words. If anything it was like the other team members damn near rolled over. Then it occurred to him the entire stink he was kicking up right now and the gravel in his voice. “Damn it....”

 

Maybe storming out of the main control deck was a bit much but honestly, he needed some air before he punched a hole through someone.

* * *

 

 _ **~04 The first time ever I saw your face – Roberta Flack**_ **  
** The room was quiet and warm, everything it should be between two hearts. Steve sighed pleasantly into the pillows as his alphas skilled hands kneaded at his back and shoulders. Coming down from a heat was easier this time around, he felt good and secure, nothing like he'd always feared growing up. Tony had been so good, so attentive, it was nice to have someone take care of you for a change. It had taken Steve a while to learn he could lower his walls and let himself be vulnerable. There was a special kind of bliss in letting the tension leak from his limbs and just be. No shield no strength just feeling. Tony always took such good care of him, he was never condescending or crass, if anything – his alpha was almost worshipful with the constant stream of praise pouring from the mans lips.

 

“ _So good for me, look at you baby ..god you are so beautiful, that's right sugar... arch your back .. let go for me.”_

 

Honeyed words ring in his ears in the afterglow. These last few days had felt like heaven on earth and Steve didn't want to come down just yet. He rolled over and smiled at his alpha.

 

Tony grinned back before leaning in to capture his lips. “How you doin honey?”

 

“Wonderful. Do you think?” Steve hesitated, he knew it was excessively soon to tell. They wouldn't know at least for another few weeks at best.

 

His alpha shrugged and lay by his side, his wonderful work worn hands moving downward to Steve's belly. “Well I never do anything half way. You should know that by now.”

 

Tony and his cocky smile, though right now Steve wouldn't trade it for the world.

 

“Ya know I was here too right?” he sasses right back.

 

Tony chuckled and kisses his jaw, “Yeah you were. Seriously though sugar buns, we'll wait and see and if not then there's next time. No pressure you know that right? These things can take time, even with superior genetics in play.”

 

“Yeah I know, I just have this feeling you know.” He smiled to himself, it was like when he was carrying the twins. After he found out he had a feeling, this warm rightness that settled in his chest. It felt like sitting in the sun when you've been cold all winter or that first sip of coffee after a brisk run in central park. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

 

The pair would have liked to bask in this blissful feeling a bit longer but that wasn't meant to be.

 

“Sir, pardon my interruption but I have Sergeant Barnes on the line for you. He has assured me that it is indeed urgent and provided the emergency password.”

 

Steve frowned and started to get up, Tony pressed him back gently. “I'll take this sugar. Give yourself a bit longer ok? Then get a shower and something to eat. Ok?”

 

Normally Steve would have balked at the order but his head was still a little hormone fuzzy and having Tony tell him what to do felt nice. He'd get a little grumpy later but for now his hind-brain was content to lie back down and let Alpha take care of him.

* * *

 

 _ **~**_ **05 Black – Kari Kimmel**  
“Barnes, what's going on.” Tony was out of the nesting room and moving down to the penthouse bedroom. Still naked and wobbly from spending the last few backs in the 9x9 padded den with his omega. He clearly wasn't as young as he used to be (still in fighting form thank you!) First order of business would be a quick shower and pants...maybe coffee in the shower...(Focus Stark!)

 

“Nothin good.” the line crackled slightly from wind, even with the disruption in sound it was not hard to spot the apprehension in Barnes voice. Tony wasn't going to like this. “Extremis is in the wind with a crazy skin head and if that doesn't tickle your fancy, aforementioned skin head is being funded by Hydra.”

 

“What the fuck!” Tony stopped, both hands tugging at his hair as the shower cut on. He really needed to install that coffee maker in here like he's been meaning to. Caffeine might have calmed him down because right now he felt like someone had just torn out the reactor through his back. “Damn it Barnes! You said you were on this!”

 

There's an indignant huff on the other end of the line. “Well hell I thought SHIELD was! You'd think a shadowy organization devoted to the protection of mankind would keep better tabs!”

 

“James Buchanan Barnes have been paying attention at all to our lives? We have Victor Von dick-face making killer toasters and shit, alien overlords, monsters, crazy androids, Nazis, and I'm pretty sure last month there was radioactive beanie babies. SHIELD NEVER HAS IT!”

 

“Those were Furbies not beanie babies and they were possessed not radioactive.”

 

“Are you correcting me right now?”

 

“Just thought it needed to be said.”

 

Tony would burst into hysterical laughter if this was so bad. So instead he just tried to get himself together enough to be of use because it was sounding more and more like he was going to be suiting up soon. If you want something done right you have to do it yourself. “So what do we know.” His voice echoing in the bathroom as he stepped out in search of pants.

Barnes hesitated and that was never good. “Mallen's been MIA for the last 9 hours and we've confirmed Killian's suicide. Apparently Aldrich either handed the virus over willingly then had second thought. Alternatively, he was just a coward, my moneys on that one. He knew what this stuff could do when he handed it over. Your pal Hansom was also brought in and she's been briefing us on what to expect, thing is there is evidence that Killian was tampering with her formula. So we have no idea what we could be walking into.”

  
“Great...that's great...wonderful, stupendous so we could have a real life terminator on or hands. I thought you and your robo fapping arm was bad.”  
  
“My what? You know what never mind, the point is this situation has just gone pear shaped. You have to come in.”

* * *

  
**~06 Guiding light – Foy Vance**

Tony would have liked to say he was surprised, however his life was never uncomplicated so having all hell break-lose wasn't at all surprising. He stared at his hands and tried to think about what the next 48 hours might bring, this was all they needed right now wasn't it?

He'd seen the numbers and done the research, if Killian was able to sort out Extremis even a 10th, then this wasn't going to be easy. Images permeated his mind – each more gruesome than the last. The older he became the more mortality seemed to rear its head to remind him ' _You are not as invincible as you like to think Iron man.”_ One of these days his luck would run out, he'd be too slow, too stubborn or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's how it would be, getting his ticket punched on a case of obvious oversight.

A cold chill ran down his back considering how he might avoid such a fate. Alternatives and equations playing like a black and white reel in his minds eye. The phrase _'Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.'_ came to mind, along with _“ Just because you can, doesn't mean you should'_. Tony never had been a praying man but there was a small part of him that considered it these days. If there was anyone up there listening maybe they would be kind enough to guide him home.

 

It's funny, how things like that change when you become a parent. In his youth he'd been carefree and reckless, he courted death like a dance partner. Everything is fun and games until you hold a child in your hands, ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes with a set of big crystal clear eyes staring up at you like you are only thing in the world. When really, it's your eyes looking at them and seeing the only thing in the world you want to save.

 

Something about moments like that force you to look beyond your self -makes you want to come home. Even his love for Steve seemed pale to way his heart shook the first time he pressed a kiss to Peter and Wendy's sweet soft little foreheads. He would give anything for his children, and now...now there could be another one soon and Tony didn't want to miss out on that.

  
“Tony...What’s going on?”

 

Oh great and there's Steve looking beautiful, skin still flushed from heat. “Shower first, ok? We...we might need to leave.” Tony said, trying not to betray any worry in his voice.

 

Steve could tell of course, he knew every inch and every sound of his alpha. Even now he knew they were not just going out to grab a bite to eat. This was business, so straightened his back and squared his shoulders. “Okay.”

  
It was time to go to work.

 

Tony watched as his omega disappeared into the bathroom and found himself alone with his thought, zipping up his under suit and thinking about all the possibilities ahead of him “J, how ’s that little project I had you working on?”

 

“Completed Sir, I think you will be pleased with the results. Shall I include these ..additional measures in your suit or send them to Director Fury?”

 

No. he wasn't handing this over to SHIELD and their grubby little hands. No one should have this, not even him if he was being honest – still there needed to be contingency. The fact that this was able to work spoke volumes about how intelligent and sophisticated his AI was, he'd have to congratulate Jarvis later. Maybe when this was all done he'd find away to code a special ' vacation' simulator for his AI. “The suit thanks Jarvis.”  
  
“Anytime Sir”

* * *

  
**~07 I'll be good – James bay**

The team convened at SHIELD headquarters to discuss their options and try and formulate a plan against this new and potentially deadly threat. The nostalgia of moment might have been night under any other circumstance. It seemed that with all the changes in the last few years, the avengers that the world knew were beginning to bow out to the next generation. Not that they were off their game mind you, but they had expanded their ranks and were training new recruits every year. Sitting around the big round table with familiar faces and the buzz of activity – felt like the year they first came together. Thankfully this time with out the animosity, and a live Coulson.  
  
This time there was more at stake, more of them had things they couldn't lose. It's different when you have little to nothing to come home to. Going into battle used to be a rush. While the adrenaline still flooded their veins there was always an under current of dread for each of them.

 

“From what we've gathered from inbound Intel,” Fury began as images flashed in secession across the screens behind him. Aerial shots of an abandoned factory outside of a rural town. The images shift and change as they cycle through black and whites of a white van pulling up to an old rusted chain link fence. A following picture shows two men cutting the heavy chain binding the gate closed.   
  
The next series of photographs show a caravan of black SUV’s rolling silently into the lot. It didn't take a mastermind to know who these vehicles belong to when they watches men in black militant assault gear exiting.

 

Fury turned and pointed at the screen. The former representations banished from sight leaving a brand-new more sinister set of visuals. “Hydra is now under the control of a woman calling herself Madam Hydra.”

  
The digital images pixilated for a moment before sharpening into clarity, the woman is tall and formidable looking in her tight black garb, her hair in sleek waves obscuring half of her face like an old Hollywood starlet of days gone by.

 

“Her forces are using the Code name Viper, however, from facial recognition we have been able to match her with this woman.”   
  
The photo changes to a young woman with her hair pulled back wearing a high collared blouse and pencil skirt.

 

“This is Leona Hiss.”

 

The sound of a chair clattering to the floor filled the meeting room without warning when the image cleared. Tony could scent the sour scent of fear wafting off Barnes and the burning of ire and pain from his own omega. Steve was on his feet, his face drained of color. Out of instinct Tony reached for him even when he knew not to touch. Steve jerked away from the wandering fingers.

  
“That's not her name...” He looked back at Barnes who was trembling in his chair, “Bucky ...tell them.. that, that can be.”

 

“Something to share Captain, Sergeant?” Fury crossed his arms and glared at Coulson's team who had delivered the information. As if the young agents were playing some inopportune joke. “If you have something to add then we damn well want to know what it is.”

  
“Her name is Ophelia Sarkissian, she was a lieutenant under Red Skull, the first woman to ever climb the Hydra Ranks.” Barnes said, his eyes grew colder with each passing second spent glaring up at the screen. “ I watched her die in 1974. The Asset...I was brought out for a mission, Ophelia had...overstepped with Strucker. He wanted to take the lead, create a legacy for those swearing allegiance to the cause – a way to groom the next generation of hydra. She stood in the way, she wanted to keep things militant – hard training and experimentation, she thought his approach was mollycoddling . Strucker had Pierce on his side though, he had the entire old boys club that never cared to much for hydra's little Viper.”

 

“So Strucker staged a coup?” Coulson added looking up at the woman on the screen, wheels already turning in his head. There was something about her, beyond the fact that she should be over 100 years old ...and according to Barnes – dead. There was something natural in here eyes.” I’ll venture a guess that your mission was a little more than recon?”

 

“I put a bullet between her eyes. 150 yards, she was eating dinner...” Barnes eyes go a bit glassy, “Red wine, steak and potatoes with steamed broccoli. She always ate alone but set a place for two. I watched her for 3 days, it was the same everyday.”   
  
  


_The smell of fresh rain on the balcony, the cold ston under his belly as he lay in wait. Peering down the scope the Asset waited for confirmation. He watched for days and her scheduled was always the same. Wake at 6am,from there a run around the compound and then return to her private quarters to shower and change. Breakfast was served promptly at 8am, the dishes cleared by 8:30. Morning meetings and training observation continued until a noon lunch – also taken privately. She did not socialize, no distractions...she was more disciplined than most of Hydra's best soldiers. Even the strongest of men had their vices. Not her though, Madam Hydra was perfection ._

_  
After lunch she had more meeting and would spend several more hours in Hydras 'war room'. Dinner took place at 6pm. The same meal every night, a table set for two with only one plate. He watched as woman lived the glass of red wine to her deep red glossed lips._

_  
A window, two floors above the madams personal quarters, flashes a light three times._

 

_So, they had decided then. The emerald queen was at her very own last supper. His finger feels weightless as the trigger collapses beneath the minimal pressure. Just like that its over. The ring of shattered glass that wont even make it to her ears as the round enters right between Ophelia Sarkissian's perfectly sculpted brows._

 

Natasha reaches over speaking softly in Russian, it's enough to bring him out of the memory.

 

This isn't what Nick wanted to hear, complications left room for error. The unknown was more dangerous than any weapon. Unknown got people killed. He tosses the folder onto the meeting table, photos and files spilling across the glass top.

“If this isn't Madam Hydra, who or what are we dealing with?”

* * *

 

 **~08 Wake me up when September ends - Green Day  
** “I'm coming with you.”

In retrospect Tony should have seen this coming, of course Steve would want to be on point for this mission. It was Hydra, it's what the man lost 75 years of his life for. Anytime they had a Hydra mission Steve was always chomping at the bit to get on deck. This time wasn't going to be any different. Yet...it was different. There was a lot more to lose this time around .

 

“Absolutely not.” Tony spoke firmly as he had gps information sent to the suit. Stark had volunteered to go in with Coulson's Team as ground support. It just made sense given with what they were dealing with. Extremis was tech based, Tony was the tech person. On another level he felt it had to be him, he had rejected Killian all those years ago and in a way – jilted Hansen. Maybe in some round about way he had facilitated the two of them collaborating, , after all, Killian wanted to upstage Stark industries.

 

There was still some contention on who would be going in as Iron Man's support. Ideally another heavy hitter would have gone a long way, with Thor off world and the situation a little too delicate to have Hulk stomping around – pickings were slim. It wasn't a surprise when Steve volunteered first.

 

The team looked between the two and thank god for Natasha who had the good sense to round up everyone and show them out before this 'discussion' turned too ugly. Steve and Tony were famous for their 'discussions' even before they were mated.

 

“You can't just ground me on this, I lead this team Stark! I have the most experience with Hydra, it doesn't make sense for anyone else to go.”

 

Tony acted to do this to Steve, knowing how this continued fight with the old adversary from his past constantly wore on Steve. “I get that but there's something you don't seem to get Steve.” He said moving forward, hands up in peace before pressing one of his palms to the omegas muscular abdomen. “This isn't just about hydra or your abilities Steve, there's a lot more at stake.”

Sudden realization flitted over the soldier's features. “But we just... I mean...it can't be that dangerous when we don't even know.” he spoke, voice quivering just slightly trying to convince himself.

The alpha slid his arm around his mates back and looked up into those clear blue eyes he loved. “I don't know but I don't want to risk anything and I know you wouldn't want that either. You have to leave this one to me babe.”

“But Tony ..this thing, and her. I don't know how it could be her but if there's even a chance, she was a monster Tony. She was every bit the same kind of thing Schmitt was. She killed people and enjoyed it.” His desperation and fear was palatable, it hurt Tony to see Steve worry like this-worry for him. It wasn't often that Steve let those feelings show but when they did he wore them all over. The pain lines his face and filled his eyes, it hung around his shoulders and slid like streams down to his hands.

 

Tony stood there and held those talented hands, “I hear you sweetheart but you need to trust me on this one. I've got this.”

 

Just then a voice lit from the doorway.   
  
“I'll go with him.”

It was Barnes, super soldier hearing had its advantages. “I'll watch his back Stevie, I put that bitch down once. I could do it again.”

* * *

 

 _ **~ 09 What hurts the most - Rascal Flatts  
**_ The plans were final, Stark and Barnes would go in. Barnes taking point on ground infiltration, they had the warehouse plans and a rendezvous point. Coulson's team would be behind Barnes and run interference to get him in the building. Tony would work his way down from a roof access point and they would meet inside and secure Mallen and his group. Outside Sam and Natasha would be on standby should Hydra have anything special up their sleeves. After securing Mallen Barnes would circle back to find Madam Hydra.

James stood listening the soft trill of ringing across the line. “Come on….come on you can‘t be that mad..” He mutters to himself. Honestly Loki could be that mad and he knew it. The omega was rather good at holding a grudge but even so - this was a special circumstance so Loki just had to forgive him. Right?

 

“Speak.” an annoyed voice suddenly sounded.

Cause that was a good sign, not even a hello, or by your leave. All signs point to danger Will Robinson! Even so he pressed on because you had to try right? “Hey, I just wanted to hear your voice before I ship out.” He tried to smile as he spoke to maybe convey the warmth there that he had usefully smothered this morning.

 

A soft snort answers before a snarl “Cleaning up Stark‘s messes again?”

So, still mad then.

 

“Doll, I know you might not understand it but I have to do this ok. I am about to go out and I just wanted to talk to you-” His words were cut as Loki snapped a reply.

 

“You wanted to talk! I wanted to talk but apparently you had better things to do!”

 

Barnes help the phone away, quickly transferring it to his human hand less he crush the device completely . He takes a breath and tells himself its not worth the fight. Loki is bating him and he will not rise to it- not now! He‘d deal with this when he got home…if he came home. That last bit was really why he called. This mission was different and there was a high likely hood they wouldn‘t come through this unscathed. “I just want to protect you, that’s why I do this. That‘s why I do all of this, sweetheart. I want us to live in a world that is safe.”

 

“You don‘t have to protect me, I do well enough on my own!”

 

“I noticed.” He shouldn‘t have said that, damn it just slipped out. Moreover, before he could get a handle on it the challenge was accepted.

 

Loki was shifting into fighting form now and shouting down the line. “Oh yes! The savage frost giant! The murderer of the nine realms! Such a horrid bitch I make! “

James had never been good at this sort of thing, he couldn‘t hold his temper. “ Well you sure as hell are acting like one! It‘s not like you let me help you ! You think I‘m stupid? You think I don‘t know you‘re lying to me all the damn time! I can feel you hiding, I could bitch about that! But I don‘t!”

A line had been drawn in the sand and Loki was frothing at the mouth to cross it. “ Yes silly me I should have know better than to hide anything from The Winter Soldier. Your quite good at sniffing out your preys weakness aren’t you ?”

He didn’t even want to hear anymore, thumb swiping over the end call button before he could even think about it. Loki was a little too good at cutting someone off at the knees but James had never been on the receiving end of it before and it hurt. It hurt so bad to hear that silken voice turn to fire and razors, pouring salt in his deepest wound. He just couldn’t hear anymore, maybe this was it. Maybe they couldn’t come back from whatever was going on between them.

Barnes started to pocket the phone but thought better of it. Instead he cracked open the back, crushed the battery and sim card before chucking what left.

* * *

_**~09 Serpentine - Disturbed** _

**Meanwhile.  
** Bastrop, Texas wasn't much to look at. Of course, Mallen, Nilsen and Beck didn't come out to the abandoned slaughterhouse on the outside of town for its charming views. It was an out of the way place that had been suggested that Mallen could be the first recipient of the Extremis serum.

Truth be told, becoming a super human killing machine hadn't been his highest aspiration, but if it was a means to an end then he'd take it. Just like his new affiliation with Hydra, the shadowy organization shared many of his own beliefs and could get results where he and his band of misfits had seem to fail.

Mallen's compatriots hadn't been sure about the compound they had taken from Aim's lab. From what they knew about it the ' transformation wasn't going to be pretty, or safe. Their boss could very well die and then what? Beck and Nilsen weren't exactly geniuses but they knew the score. Mallen was valuable to hydra – them... not so much.

Beck had been the one to assemble the injector, taking uncharacteristic care with each piece. “Are you sure about this?” he asked one last time.

Their leaders mind was already made up, come hell or high water they were already in too deep. Even now hydra was assembling around the perimeter to insure that they would not be interrupted. Mallen looked over Beck's shoulder and spotted the silhouette of a woman standing at the far end of the warehouse. Her features obscured in darkness, so she was here to see if Killian's little toy really worked then.

Well he hoped to give her a hell of a show.

 

“Do it!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i have been away for so long, life has been very difficult these past two months. Without going into unwanted detail i am..healing and finding my way. I apologize if this chapter was less than satisfactory. Please be gentle.


	8. Chapter 7: You're taking all the stupid with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is reference here to Agents of shield LMD, and the Framework arc in that series. This chapter will be a good deal shorter than what I normally post; sorry for that but it is within reason. The following chapter to this one will have a lot of action and I wanted to devote more writing time to that one. I hope this one will be a good frame up for the action packed chapter 8. So enjoy the respite for now kids. We are going to be treading water.

**~01 Walking the wire – Imagine Dragons**  
The key to any relationship can not be summed up into just one fundamental trait. No one can merely point to one thing over another. Communication, trust, love, desire, flexibility, caring... everything and a million others.   
  
Loving someone isn't effortless and it never will be, it's those nights that you can't stand the sight of someone – but saying ' I love you' anyway, because you want those to be last words they hear if god forbid they never hear anything else.   
  
Love is a tightrope of emotions and despite the deathly spiral below – you finds yourself willing to run head long down the narrow way. It is accepting things when your stubborn heart wants no part in it, it’s saying ' I believe in you' when you're terrified.  
  
 **Love is horrible, painful , and  yet the most beautiful and fulfilling thing we as humans can ever engage in.**

 

“Don't worry so much punk. I won't let your idiot have too much fun.” Barnes joked to keep the moment light, he knows how hard this must be for Steve to let go of the reigns like this and sit at home waiting.   
  
What little of his memory remains of their youth, he knows the younger man was never good at keeping the homes fire burning. Steve always wanted to be out in the thick of things. Always had and always will, even more so with all he has to protect these days. It wasn't as if James could blame him. If was standing in his friends shoes right now he doubted there would be anything that could hold him back. Maybe that's what made omegas so much stronger when you really thought about it. They were the ones that had to keep that brave face and hold down the fort while their fool alphas ran off into the wilderness and wars. Something had to be said for those left behind when the wolf was at the door. At the end of the day – when the front line fell – it was your last line of defense that needed to be the strongest.   
  
“See that you do Buck.” Steve pats his shoulder before moving over to Stark who's standing there in his gleaming suit of red and gold. Early morning sun dancing off the armors angles and curves. It's a new model and usually Stark would be bragging about all the new bells and whistles before a mission. Not today, today he stood there with an unreadable softness settled around his eyes. Eyes that were only for his omega.   
  
James steps away from the pair to give them a moment of privacy.   
  
  
  
Tony didn't have on his usual grin, which made the moment  feel even more genuine.   
  
“Don't do anything stupid. You come home at the end of this.” Steve said, not leaving any room for argument. He knew how Tony could be out in the field; impulse control wasn't one of his finer points. This time it would have to be. This time there was too much on the line, to many variables that they had no idea how things would pan out. It killed him to know he wouldn't be there by Tony's side.

  
  
Together - was how they worked best.

 

  
The least likely of partnerships had proved to be the most powerful. Steve would tell anyone that his Alpha could annoy him to no end and that yes – he did want to ring Tony's neck more than once during a mission did. Even so, there wasn't anyone else he would want to be shoulder to shoulder with in the worst of times. Not just because of how Tony fought, or how much firepower the suit provided. None of that could compare to the Why, the reason Stark suited up and shipped out was everything they had built together. It wasn't just a sense of duty or patriotism. All those wonderful things that Steve's so used to saying for the cameras. It was their kids, their pack. This little family they had cobbled together out of a bunch of crazy misfits.   
  
“That an order Captain?” there is that cocky smirk and glittering chocolate eyes. Always so self-assured, or at least Tony put up a good front. Inside he had a clawing feeling that he might have to break that order. The one time he'd loath to go against a direct command. Really, it was more of a promise. They made this promise a long time ago ' come home, at all cost you come home.' maybe it was selfish, from the outside looking in it might have seemed that way.   
  
Steve pushed his shoulders back and tried his damnedest not to let his voice show how apprehensive he was feeling. “You're damn right it is.”

* * *

  
  
 **~02 Say you won't let go* - James Arthur**   
James turned away from the tender moment, his head ringing with the last argument he'd had with his own omega.  So many words he wanted to take back right now, because in his heart of hearts when James closed his eyes he couldn't help but see curious green eyes and sly smiles. His heart could paint the picture from memory and guide his unskilled hands even if he should go blind.   
  
It hurt; it hurt more than his shoulder when it ached in the winter, or every headache he endured after too long days training new recruits at the range. This was bone deep and it lacerated his soul with every benevolent word he overheard.   
  
With a heavy sign, Barnes lifted his eyes to the horizon. If he made it back from this he'd do things right, he'd take the time and make sure everything was ok at home. Hell, he might even try that whole ' talking about your feelings ' thing the kids were so wild about these days.  See there, you can teach old dog new tricks.   
  
Just as he was about to shake off the melancholy and holler at Stark to hurry it up, the summer air shimmered gold and the feel of static prickled the hair along the back of his neck.   
  
A large smile breaking across his face as he took a few hesitant steps toward the glittering mirage that slowly began to solidify. What a sight it was, all the glory or leather, green and gold. No one could say that his guy couldn't make a damn grand entrance.   
  
“Did you think I would be so callus not to see you off to battle? I have even extended such a kindness to that oaf of a brother mine. It would stand to reason I could trouble myself a few moments to see my oaf of an alpha off, would it not?” Loki spoke, folding his arms over his chest. Trying as he might to look put off and bored, but his alpha knew what that look really said.  It was all the little pout in the noble’s lips and the slight rise of his shoulders. _'I missed you and it annoys me.'_   And _'I love you but I'm angry. '_ and last but not least - _'Hold me, because you know I won't ask you to.'_  
  
Barnes steeped forward and gently unfolded the omega's arms to get at the mans hands. “Callus, nah never you doll, little prickly at times but not callus. I'm glad you're here ya know. Couldn't leave without giving my best guy a kiss good bye, now could I?”  
  
He expected perhaps a chaste press of lips, or even Loki to turn away and play coy. What he wasn't prepared for is for those long elegant hands to grasp his face and pull him into a bruising demanding kiss.  Stealing every ounce of air in his lungs and forcing the solider to wrap his arms around that tall lean form in front of him and slid metal fingers through raven locks.   
  
When Loki finally pulled away there was silence surrounding them. Green eyes locked with blue gray. “If you die...I'll burn the world.”   
  
“Let's hope it doesn't come to that then.” he smiled back   
  
“I'm serious James; you are one of the few things on this unfortunate ball of mud that keeps me sane. You can't possible leave me behind, it would be completely irresponsible. So do your duty to SHIELD, but do not be so foolish as to give your life for them.”   
  
Barnes really wished this was a joke, or an over exaggeration that Loki was so prone too, but there was something in the ravenettes voice that said he was telling the honest truth. An edge of desperation that colored his words that sent a chill down the alphas spine. Loki wouldn't actually cause mass destruction with out him...but he wouldn't survive it either. “Baby, listen to me okay. I will always do my best to come home to you. Even if ...I don't want to jinx it but you know – Even if, you got so many people who will be here for you. You ain't alone anymore doll.” He caressed one of those sharp cheekbones with as much tenderness as he could pour into a simple touch. “I gatta go now sweetheart.”  
  
“Very well, I will not say goodbye. I shall be expecting you for dinner James. Don't be late.”  
  
“Never.” he winked and headed off to the quin jet.  
  
Once abroad, the com crackled in his ears with Stark's voice. The armor flashing past the windows. “That was sweet Robocop...homicidal but sweet.”   
  
“Yeah yeah, speak for yourself grease monkey. I can still see Steve’s Apron strings hanging off your helmet.”

* * *

  
  
 **~03 Lullaby – Nickelback**   
Bereft – was really the only word adequate enough to describe the collective feeling as the quin jet faded into the distance.   
  
Loki was about to turn to go when a large hand closed around his bicep. Turning to the shining blue eyes that reminded him far too much of his own brother, he fought the urge to pull away. Steve didn't deserve his anger. Not on a day like today when there was likely no one else who understood so keenly what this felt like.   
  
“You can come in if you like, I know we haven't really talked much one on one Loki but... well the kids miss you and...”   
  
The blonde was struggling with how to phrase this and Loki was pained just watching the man floundering over the invitation. “Far be it for me to disappoint them hmm?”  Loki waved a hand as his formal garments melted and shimmered out of view. He had wanted to look strong for James.  The illusion cast away to show a simple lose fitting shirt stolen from his alpha’s side of the wardrobe and black trousers.   
  
Heading back to the tower was at most a silent affair. Steve spoke every now and again to ask about the classes Loki was teaching and how he and Tony were considering speaking to Xavier about possibly; allowing Peter and Wendy go to elementary school there for safety reasons. Being the children of such recognizable figures could be dangerous for them. Loki commiserated in that, sharing that his own education had been well with in the walls of Asgard's palace for that very reason.   
  
Loki had been surprised how easy it was to talk to Steve, despite the mans resemblance to so many of Asgard's champions – he was nothing like them. Rogers was quiet and calm, yet sharp in his wit. It was nice to have such an easy banter and the once prince wondered why he hadn't done this before. Then again, he knew exactly why. Because for so long every time he looked at the Captain all he saw was the haze of madness and that night in Stuttgart. Having gone toe to toe and Staff to Shield- he knew very well what the man a few feet from him was capable of, and transversely – the Captain knew the same of him.   
  
However, it would seem that years or good behavior and the truth of circumstance was enough to quell any lingering mistrust that would have made such an exchange entirely impossible. Loki wasn't sure if he was thankful or disappointed that the Midgardian seemed so at ease.   
  
When they arrived, Steve held open the door as any gentlemen would, so set in his ways,  but it made Loki smile just a little as it reminded him of James. His alpha always pulled out his chair and held the door, something he'd come to understand was not customary in these days as it had been before.   
  
“Pepper and Bruce have all the kids on the common floor since it’s closest to the command office. Natasha is in there keeping in touch with Clint since he's back up support for now. I wish Sam or Thor were available, it would make me feel a lot better.” Steve said motioning off to a hallway just beside the kitchen.   
  
“Yes, Thor is apparently not on the All fathers’ best side at the moment.” Loki commented with a little too much cheer in his voice. As a younger sibling or...not- sibling rather, it’s always nice when you are not the focus of your...not-fathers ire. So yes, maybe he was just a little pleased that Thor was having to the lectured by advisers for weeks and have to be on the receiving end of Odin's one-eyed glare.   
  
Steve laughed as they entered the main seating area, the smell of breakfast wafting from the kitchen where Banner was busying himself and Barton's older children.   
  
It wasn't until Stark's twins came running to greet their bearer that Loki noticed the Lady Potts on the sofa, a infant in her arms and skin glowing with the pleasantry of motherhood.  It crushed him, the joy on her face and that cloying milky scent of new life just shattered him.

  
For a faint moment, Steve could smell the distress on him and turned. Their eyes met briefly before Loki can calm himself and insist that nothing is wrong. It is wrong and they both know it. Steve follow his eye line and realizes what causes the slip in the other omegas usually impenetrable facade.   
  
“Pete, Wen, why don't you go get your crayons and color a picture for Uncle Loki. I'm sure he would really like that.” Steve says and shoos the little ones away. There was so much in Loki's eyes, so much they all hadn't seen before and he realized it was because no one bothered to look.  As soon as the kids were out of earshot he placed, a gentle hand on the other mans shoulder. Thinking of his conversation with Bucky not long ago. “How long have you been trying?”    
  
“Nearly two years...” the words were chocked and Loki damned himself for it. He didn't want pity, he didn't need it. “It just doesn’t …I never…”   
  
Steve just nodded and guided him into the kitchen. “Have you talked to anyone about it?”   
  
“No…I...I'd rather not.”   
  
“You can though Loki, if you ever do want to. I will listen; I want you to know that.”   
  
The most surprising thing was there was no pity in those words. Nor the sound or accusation, because of course he would have such an issue would he? He was a monster. There was just an offer, much as Romanov had made. There was just kindness much like Kurt and the professor.  “Thank you Steven, Thank you.”

* * *

 

 **~04 Wicked world – Cold**  
With the quin jet on route, Coulson and his team were on the ground doing recon on the area. The team was coming across some rather troubling information.   
  
“Phil, I think you need to see this.” Melinda Mays voice hummed over the com lines.   
  
What May had to show him wasn't at all what Coulson and his team was expecting to find.   
  
Standing over a body, carefully hidden behind the overgrowth of foliage, Phil poked at the exposed wires that certainly shouldn't be poking from a human neck.  “An LMD, why would hydra be using LMD's when they a perfectly good pack of goons to pick from.”   
  
Melinda crossed her arms and watched from a few steps away. “It's not just one or two; Mac and Daisy said they saw a few guys gearing up. Unless Hydra recruited a family of identical octuplets, all these guys have the same face.”  
  
“Any got eyes on the woman of the hour?” Coulson asked as Fitz worked to try and recovered the cybernetic soldier’s memory bank.  
  
Suddenly, the younger man spoke up. “I may have some insight on that.” He said playing a clip of the woman calling herself Madam hydra. The digital memory played back the command memory.   
  
There was something about her voice and her mannerisms that did not ring true. Coulson had studied in depth the hydra hierarchy during the 1940's and 50's. Despite the fact that very few film records if any would have survived and the original madam hydra was extremely private. Every clip he had ever seen of the former Evil Matriarch, she always spoke in German and it was speculated that she refused to even speak English. No mater who was in her company. This woman however spoke perfectly even English with not a single hint of an accent. Sure, her face was passable as a carbon copy of Ophelia Sarkissan circa 1952, but the rest of her wasn't.    
  
And the voice...the voice was one they heard before, one that gave them all pause. One that changed them all forever. 

Fitz sat back the color draining form his face.  This was his nightmare come to life. “That's...bloody hell that's…”  
  
“Aida.” Coulson said looking up as the play back fizzled out to static. “We need to tell Stark and Barnes what their up against.  
  
Tony and Barnes where in position waiting for the word when the Intel came in. It wasn't hard for Stark to speculate exactly what Shields Former Foe turned Hydra mistress – must have in mind. “She probably wants extremis because of its base process as a biotech. You said this robot chick was using the framework to set up some perfect society for herself right. Something tells me her image of perfect required a lot of mechanics.”  
  
Barnes nodded along, sure, he might not get all the techno babble but it wasn't too difficult to get what Stark was laying down. “So she’s what...trying to build an army with this stuff?”   
  
“Correct-o-mundo my metallic armed Buckaroo; she’s using this experiment to fuse human mater and electronic interface.”  
  
“Could she control someone if they were like that... likes a hive mind of something?” Simmons interjected over the line  
  
Tony realized, to his horror, that it could be possible. They didn't really know how extremis worked yet, as it never had a human clinic trial – and for good reason. “An army of immortal healing soldiers, yeah that sounds as fun as a colonoscopy with dental tools.”   
  
“How does she even know it will work?” Barnes added.   
  
“She doesn't Robocop, I doubt he cares. She's using this guy as a guinea pig; you think if she wants some irobot utopia, she gives a shit about collateral damage. I'd even go out a limb and say she knew SHIELD would get wind of this.”  
  
Phil moved around the compound getting his teams in place. “So this is a test run, see how her new toy stacks up against our best and brightest?” 

“Seems that way Agent, who are we not to give the lady a good show. I for one have never disappointed a woman with my performance.” Tony quipped, engaging the Suits stealth gear and streaking out over the compound. “Alright gents...lets rock and roll shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone for his or her kind words of encouragement during what has been a very difficult time. I sat down to write this chapter thinking a lot about the struggles I have been through and the struggles still to come. I am not here to lament my past or seek sympathy. What I would like to do is dent a friendly nod to everyone out there just trying to keep his or her head above water. You are not alone, and if you only take one thing from me and from this story – it is that when things are there darkest, that is when you have to have to keep going. You must strain your eyes and find the light because there is light. It may just be a flickering pinprick but it is there.


	9. Chapter 8: This is why we can't have nice things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Ok I know in the comics/films Extremis is a 'days long process' but for the function of this story- I'm speeding this up. I hope that's cool with y'all, if it's not....well I don't care lol smile and have a coke cause that's how this shit is playin out today. Additionally, I want to apologize for the gaps between posting. There has been a lot going down in my personal life and sometimes it just sucks the life out of me. In unrelated news, for any of you Harry Potter fans out there. I have started a HP one-shot book. Not going to lie it isn't great as I have never written for that fandom before. I don't know all the tiny details some super fans of that series may know. However, I do have love for the world and it's characters so I have been giving it a go. If I get a lot of positive feedback on it there may be a full length fic. Probably Snupin Ship ans Severitus . There is also some possibility of a Marvel HP crossover GammaFrost Fic. So keep your eyes peeled for that. Ok, enough of my yammering on, on with the story!

**~ 01 Heathens – Twenty-one pilots  
** It was 2nd-century Roman philosopher Celsus, who once said _“…evils are not caused by God; rather, that they are a part of the nature of matter and of mankind; that the period of mortal life is the same from beginning to end, and that because things happen in cycles, what is happening now — evils that is — happened before and will happen again.”_

Through these infinite cycles of highs and lows our world and our perception of that world is perpetually changing. To one man, the hero may appear as a villain and the villain a hero. Perception is whatever we chose and in those choices we project onto the world around us.

If the masses cry Witch, then the hanging tree is full.

Again- we may turn a blind eye to pain and suffering, saying 'it's not my problem.' Good and Evil is perception.

Still, there are some that seem to desire the things that others fear, they cultivate it and use it – then.. then we ask ourselves if perception is only one layer to the universe? What if, there is True Evil in this world? Where will you stand?

We meet people in this life who are born into darkness by no fault of their own. They are handed a legacy and succumb to that darkness no matter how hard they fight to be unlike it. Among them are those who can crawl out of their circumstance and become leaders and saviors. Others who failed and yet through that failure learned that there is more to life that what you are granted at the start. Such a extraordinary gift it is to find redemption, to stand on the precipice and say - “ No more”. Those we make a conscious effort to change, though the road may be arduous and fraught with slings and arrows, survive.

On the contrary, there those born of darkness itself, something that no one can interpret or comprise. As much apart of their makeup as the color of their eyes or the sound of their voice. The soul itself...is tainted.

Them who find delight in the chaos and thrill in the pain, they sit with that evil and make friends with it. Wearing terror like a cloak, they move through life with manipulation and aggression. Persons who have never wanted to change, narcissists who see nothing false with themselves and only the flaws in the world around them.

With the later, is where you find true horror.

  
Cold-hearted children who have learned to hate the world and carry blame like a weapon. Tiny hands clutching onto the bloody daggers of their parents dogma like a security blanket. Never once accepting kindness or knowing empathy, such concepts seen as weakness and weakness could never be tolerated. Minds warped perhaps from the cradle and rose with words of vitriol and touches heavy with malice. Fragile lives molded with hate, there is a reason ill intent exists in this world – it begins in the home.

It is these forgotten generations were evil men learn their trade and foster a future breed from fear. Walking husks of humanity, running on maliciousness. That was who Hydra was looking for, that is whom they found in Mallen. A hate-filled youth with an axe to grind after watching his parents die in a government shoot out over weapons violations.

A youth fueled by the memory of his father and mothers riddled corpses in the summer sun. Their blood soaking into the dusty earth of their farmland. One might find sympathy for this child had they not known him. Had he not nourished that same paranoia and rage that rocked him to sleep at night.

The apple clearly did not fall to far from the tree. Bitterness was all he had to keep him warm, that and the anarchist cookbook.

It did not take long for Mallen and his merry band of miscreants to end up on the radar of dark authorities. Men like him with blood sodden resumes were hard to come by these days, what with earth’s mightiest heroes and SHIELD back on the scene.

 

Hydra had been floundering since Red Skulls second disappearance fallowing the failed capture of Captain America a few short years ago, the group was scattered at best until she came. A statuesque beautiful woman who claimed a name from the villainous collective's past. The Madam made quite the first impression with an extraordinary show of strength and intelligence. Those struggling to hold onto the reins of the shadowy organization didn't need much convincing.

Many of Hydras 'old boys club' felt that she could be the figurehead they needed if nothing else. A sleek and beautiful creature they could manipulate and hold up on a pedestal. Madam Hydra could become what Red Skull never could – with her beauty and the right amount of PR, they could change perception. They could creep out of the shadows and use her as a tantalizing lure for a younger generation. Maybe even turn public thinking against SHIELD.

However, she had no aspirations to be a figurehead; no inclination to become Hydra's social media dream. The Madam had her own future to carve out of the imperfection surrounding her. Her own dark machinations brewing while Hydra's old men puttered around like fools. She bides her time, working methodically- cold and calculating, saw her moment and seized it.

She was going to rebuild this world with out errors. Without war, without strife, a place that was perfectly in line with her orders. It was possible, she'd seen it. Lived the life of Hydra's queen a thousand times, each time she learned and corrected – now she wanted to take that and make it reality.

After the Madam had taken control of Hydra, she began to reform her forces. Gone where the days of pedigreed soldiers who were raised for the cause. Madam Hydra wanted killers, madmen. Most of all - she wanted monsters. 

* * *

 

**~02 Chop Suey – System of a down**

Barnes unholstered his weapon and pulled the mask up over his face, true he didn't need it anymore but there was something about it that made this part of his life feel separate.

Just like putting on his gear and prepping his gun- this was part of going to work. This was something he could take off and pack away when the day was over. A dark reminder of the asset he once was- the killer he was still capable of being, but there was one outstanding difference between now and then.

Now he had a choice, James could put this on and take it off whenever he wanted to.

 

“In position.” he spoke quietly, crouching behind a shipping container – the heat from the metal soaking in past the layers of Kevlar to warm his skin. Taking a look around the large unit’s edge, he could spot the movement of shadows in through the warehouse's grime covered windows. Two guards patrolling the west hall, neither man making chitchat as they marched dutifully, back and forth passing the windows. Once the distraction was in place both men would likely exit through a side door 20 feet ahead of the window. This would take away the blind spot given to him by the container should they glance to the gate.   
  
Not that they would have enough time to do so of course.

 

“Coulson, is your team ready to ring the dinner bell?” Stark's voice sounded over the coms. Iron man was taking point on this mission, not that Barnes would have argued this decision. He'd let the playboy have point all he wanted, James just wanted to get this over with and get back home.

 

The agents swift reply of “perimeter guards neutralized. My team is in position for frontal assault.” Made James stand up a little straighter, each muscle tensing like one of Barton's bowstrings.

 

“I do love a frontal assault.” The billionaire quipped.

 

Barnes rolled his eyes, a little smile behind his mask. “Save it for your welcome home trashcan.”

  
“Alright kids, lets hit it.”

 

Barnes left his cover at the mark, strolling across the gravel yard of the warehouse; distantly he could hear the blast at the front gate. Courtesy of Daisy Johnson no doubt, he had trained her in the range and spared with the young inhuman on several occasions. The girl certainly knew how to make an entrance.

Hydra agents began to swarm out of the building running toward the main gates where Coulson and his team were drawing their fire.

The few goons who exited the doors on the side of the building didn’t even have time to dispatch into their comrades about the lone soldier before a bullet lodged in their heads.

James kicked one of the corpses and wasn’t that surprised to see a network of wires and sparks in through the bullet hole. At the very least, this didn’t add to the blood on his hands. This was no more heinous than kicking a vending machine.

 

“Sergeant Barnes what’s your 20?”

 

“Entering the building now.” Slipping into the dimly lit hall and making his way through the maze of office rooms and storage areas. Taking out a few guards along the way, Barnes noticed that their concentration seemed to grow higher as if there was something or someone they were trying to stop him from reaching. The woman calling herself Madam Hydra perhaps? On the other hand, was it Mallen and the vial of extremis.

There was a loud boom from above that shook the building. “What took you so long Stark.”

 

“I was letting you have a head start like the gentleman I am Bucky-boo.”

  
Barnes hummed and moved around a tight corner with his back to the wall. The way was clear, looking up the soldier spotted an opening in the grates above, leaping up pulling himself up onto a catwalk that meandered around the main operation floor. It was the perfect vantage point for the coming and goings. In a perfect scenario, Mallen would come out and James could snipe the man off from this distance. They could be home for dinner with minimal collateral damage. However, things never quite worked out so easily. “I don't have eyes on Mallen or the Madam yet. Looks like they might be hold up on a lower level. Schematics said this place had underground freezers right?”

“Yeah I'm in the upstairs control office now, looks like one of the freezers is currently running. I'm thinking we go ahead, kill the power, and thaw them out. I'll meet you on the main floor service entrance. That's the only way in and out of the basement.”

 

“Copy that”

* * *

  
**~03 Don't stop believin'- Journey**

After the first impact rocked the foremost gates, Tony jetted out over the warehouse. Landing with a clunk on the distressed old tar roof, the HUD scanned for possible booby traps or monitoring equipment. Not that Stark expected to find any given the age and general dilapidated appearance of the building. Theses days, Hydra was spreading themselves thin. Since Red Skulls disappearance the group had floundered under some less than inspiring political minds. Bad for them but good for the world at large. Not only that but there were new baddies on the block and as the saying goes ' the enemy of my enemy is my friend.' SHIELD had been monitoring the cells of terrorist activity and ill-organized militia – so far the fall out for big red's escape had slowed the age-old foe down to a crawl.

That's what made this all the more disturbing – they hadn't seen this coming. Sure there had been chatter about someone knew in the Hydra ranks, but it wasn't anything that left the SHIELD offices. They claimed to have a handle on things.

Right about now Tony wanted to have a handle on someone’s neck for not sharing need-to-know information. For all he knew this Madam could be beefing up security. That was something he definitely did not need to waste time on right now.

Thankfully, the scan of the area didn't reveal any surprises. ' _The area is clear of radio and satellite interference Sir, it would appear no additional security measures are in place.'_

The roof entrance was poorly guarded, save for a few rusted padlocks. Maybe blasting them off the hinges was overkill, but they jacked up his glorious week of naked sweaty fun so yeah, he hoped they crapped their pants in fear. You steal the weekend from Tony Stark, this is what you get.

Walking through the dust and debris of what once was the service entrance, Tony made his way down a narrow hallway. The right shoulder of the armor digging a line in the drywall that must have sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Not that it looked as if anyone one was around to hear it, it seemed strange that this area wasn't crawling with Hydra. True, there was a perimeter breach in effect but still – the security and control room was completely empty. Then again, if their suspicions about Madam Hydra being an LMD – having human personal watching the camera was redundant. She could be tapped into the place right now.

 

Still, this was a top point of entry, Steve would have frowned on the lack of strategically thinking. This was tantamount to leaving the backdoor open.

 

“Wow, outsourcing really does lead to a lowering in productivity. Honestly, old Red would be rolling in his bomb shelter seeing this.” Tony snarked allowing Jarvis to tap into the security feed. The camera system was out dated and the black and white images were grainy at best. Still, it gave Tony a good enough over view of the facility with the exception of the underground freezers. It also gave Jarvis a free run to see who was lurking in the building computer system.

 

“ _Systems are free from interference Sir.”_

 

“Thanks J you're a star buddy.”

 

Checking the power control for the building had Tony scratching his head yet again. Those unseen levels below the old meat processing plant were active, well one was active for climate control and the lower level space it self was receiving power. “Why corner yourself like that.” He asked no one. Truth be told Tony could guess why – Extremis.

Stark had seen the research, the nanotechnology's process of redevelopment was a violent one. Extremis essentially broke down the human body and rewrote every system from the ground up in a matter of hours. Once perfected the progression could be even faster. It was violent and messy, a large empty freezer would be the perfect place to be if someone wanted to take it for spin.

 

“What took you so long Stark.” Barnes voice piped through the helmet. Tony glanced over at the security feed and watched the soldier make his way to the main operation floor.

 

“I was letting you have a head start like the gentleman I am Bucky-boo.”

  
“I don't have eyes on Mallen or the Madam yet. Looks like they might be hold up on a lower level. Schematics said this place had underground freezers right?” Barnes said pulling himself up onto a catwalk.

Tony checked the suited stats, full power and all systems operating at 100%. Barnes wasn't anything to shake a stick at, they would be fine. “Yeah I'm in the upstairs control office now, looks like one of the freezers is currently running. I'm thinking we go ahead, kill the power, and thaw them out. I'll meet you on the main floor service entrance. That's the only way in and out of the basement.”

 

“Copy that”

* * *

  
 **~04 Rollin – Limp Bizkit**  
Coulson and his team blasted through the main gate – literally. Daisy lead the charge quaking the gates off the hinges and sending them flying. Next hit was the small fleet of black SUV’s. She sent the vehicles sliding and toppling over in the lose gravel.

Response to the breech attack was instantaneous. Hydra LMDs (and a few human agents) rushed out like an angry swarm. Gunfire rang out across the warehouse lot as the black uniformed men rushed out to try to hold back the siege.

Thankfully Shield's best and brightest were ready for them.

 

Coulson's team moved as one unit. Their formation well practiced form the missions they had gone on together. Moving on the main entrance was no different from any other tactical assault and the Agent was confident in his people.   
  
Phil moved at the center of pack, Daisy on point and Mac and May at flank. He touched his ear peace and eyes the area just to the east of the buildings entrance. “Sergeant Barnes what’s your 20?”

 

“Entering the building now.” Barnes responded promptly. His tone flat almost mechanical. Something about that always rubbed Phil the wrong way, having worked with Barnes enough to know that the man was far more than the killing machine Hydra had once made him into. Still, he wondered if this part of the Sergeant was simply a way to keep that part of his skill set separate.

 

There were more pressing matters at hand however than what was going on in the mind of James Barnes, perhaps after all of this was over it would be time to bury the proverbial hatchet with the other half of the Barnes household. Until then though, Phil had work to do.

Lmd' s were nothing like people – no matter how well made they were they lacked that certain something. Maybe it was the lack of self-preservation or the overly logical thinking. While the shorted distance between to points might be a straight line – it's not if there are land mines. See, that was why human heart would always win out over machine. People might be flawed but they learned from their mistakes. Androids refused to honor the idea of mistakes. Even if as a result, they often made them. Because of this, his team was familiar with the fighting style of their electrical based foe. So far so good Coulson thought, keeping an eye's on his team and an ear on the coms.

 

“Mac! On your left!” Melinda shouted

 

“Got it!” The axe shotgun sliced through the mechanical assailant’s skull with a satisfying crunch. “Ya know, I'm starting to get a little tired of these guys. I mean, is everything automated these days?”

 

Phil shook his head and grinned at the chatter before raising his weapon and taking out a few on coming androids. “Well Mac, it's the way of the future isn't it.” “Fits, how’s the traffic cam's look?”

 

“Nothing so far, we don't know how close the outside cell is. It could be no one is coming.”

 

Barton's voice chirped in, “Don't worry babe, if they show up I got this.”

 

Phil shook his head at his alphas over confidence. “You sure you brought enough arrows?”

 

“Philly! That was one time....”

* * *

  
~ **05 The god that failed – Metallica**  
Despite the battle raging outside, inside the warehouse seemed eerily quiet. The kind of quiet that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up and sweat drip down your back. It wasn't as if this was their first rodeo, but there was something in the air – a stale charred hatred that floated up and covered everything. An electric crackle on the breeze moments before a storm rolls in, the sirens that make your ears ring and your chest ache. This was the cold moment when your eyes widen and your heart refuses to be believe as the wind picks up around you and a funnel cloud descends.

It was this moment they would never forget, not the pain or the anguish. This would remain vivid as the moment there eyes watched the lights over the lift glow and the grind of mechanics raising the steel box from the deeps. Because this was the last time things would be the same, the last time one of them would ever feel human.

Both men readied themselves as the lift doors screeched open. Two on one should have been no problem, should have been. However, what lay in that dark cramped alloy container was anything but human. Glowing gold eyes shone back at them for a brief moment before a blazing flair of fire shot out.

Barnes fell back as the Iron man armor took the brunt of the inferno. A while of the repulsor charging fills the air as Stark returns fire. A mass of glowing flesh in the shape of a man came forward with speed and grace. Mallen had avoided the beams of searing power and punched Stark straight in the chest plate, sending the suit careening back ward with a hard clang into the concrete floor.

“Stark!” The soldier shouted before launching himself at their opponent’s back- this turned out to be a mistake as Mallen's body glowed and discharged a massive electrical jolt. Barnes found himself on the floor smelling of burnt leather and singed hair. His teeth ached and vision blurred, everything in him screaming to get up. He couldn't just lay here with Stark being pummeled; he had a promise to keep.

 

Meanwhile, Tony was left reeling as the alarms blared inside the suit accompanied by his AI's voice, _“Sir, chest plate integrity is down to 50%. Power supply is down to 80%. “_ Tony did his best to shake off the hit. “Barnes? Where's he aAAAHH!” His words cut in half by a scream as searing pain tore through his right knee.

Stark's screams had James staggering to his feet and firing at Mallen's back. The glowing mass of man shook with the rounds and stepped away from the downed armor. It wasn't much but it was the best they had now.

The sound of rapid gunfire cut through the pain, the pressure finally abating long enough for Tony to drag himself up. Charging the right repulsor, he took aim. “Barnes get down!”   
  
Such a close blast should have reduced Mallen to a heap, what it did was take off the monsters arm and had the former anarchist turning with an almost serene look on his mangled face.

“That almost tickled.” Mallen said grabbing the right gauntlet in his massive glowing hand.

  
It shouldn't have been possible, Tony had tested the armor against Thor's strength and yet Mallen crushed his hand like a tinker toy. The only reason Tony even had a hand was that he managed to fire off a chest beam and break free.

James charged around the momentarily downed villain and hauled Tony to his feet. It wasn't easy dragging the mass of twisted metal but some how he managed to get them both behind cover.

 

“Jesus Christ...” James muttered taking stock of Tony's condition. “Stark, say something.”

 

“This fucking blows...” The billionaire wheezed, behind the face plate. His knee and hand were on fire and his chest felt like a ton of lead.

 

To make things worse, Barnes realized the electrical shock had fried his com link. By the looks of the armor, he assumed Stark wasn't fairing much better. This was worse than what they had anticipated. “Why the hell is he so damn strong, you said this stuff worked like the serum? Physical perfection is not a fucking fire breathing monster Stark!”

“Wrong, I said it gives the user physical perfection. It's defined by what the individual needs or thinks of as perfect.”

 

“What the hell does that mean for us?” Barnes said, looking around the corner to see Mallen standing up – his body regenerating.

 

“It means I'm about to do something very stupid.”

* * *

 

**~06 Weak and Powerless- Perfect Circle**

“Steve? I think its dead.”

 

“What?” The blonde looked up from the mangle of ground beef he was currently stirring (murdering) into bits with a wooden spoon. The poor defenseless food stuff hadn't stood a chance. Good thing they were just making Beefaroni for a pack of pups, half of Barton's would eat anything. Play-dough was no longer allowed on Hawkeye's floor for that reason, so saith the mighty Agent Coulson.

Bruce gestured to the pan as Steve looked down at the mess as well. “The meat, I think it's ready to add to the pasta now, unless you are making a puree of some kind. Are you okay?”

 

Rogers dropped the spoon and turned off the stove top, “ Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I mean...I'm not fine I just...”  
  
It didn't take a rocket scientist to know what was bugging Steve. It was more less a bonus that Bruce had the smarts to build one if need be. “He’ll be fine. It's Tony after all. He might be a bit reckless, but overall there is no one else, Save for you that is- who is that good under pressure. He won't make a mistake, Tony knows how much he has to lose.” Bruce said, trying his best to be comforting. The doctor understood everything Steve was going through. He often worried about Natasha when she had to be away for days at a time and he knew how uneasy Pepper could get. Additionally, they all worried for Tony as he was basically the head alpha of their little pack. Without the outspoken engineer their family just wouldn't feel complete. Losing anyone wasn't an option, but losing Tony would be crippling for all of them.

 

Bruce often wondered if Tony understood just how important he was to the team. For a man who had spent his whole life trying to live up his fathers standards, then the media. Sometimes it seemed like Tony didn't really believe in his own worth – despite the bravado. Bruce knew what it was like to feel worthless and he would never wish that on anyone. Thanks to the team the beta had found his place, he found a beautiful Alpha and omega who opened their arms to him. This was his home and Tony and Steve were the pillars of that home. If he could help Steve he would.

 

The omega shifted foot to foot, looking out at the living room where Loki and Pepper were entertaining the pups. “Yeah.” Steve agreed with an uneasy smile. He wanted to believe that but in the back of his mind something was just poking at him. That unearthly tingle along your spine that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention. Something wasn't right and he hated like this. Moving away from the stove to allow Bruce to take control for a while, “You're right. I just have a bad feeling ya know? I've had it all morning and no matter what I do I just can't shake it.”

 

Doctor Banner nodded and tilted the pan up over the finished bowl of pasta. “I understand, sometimes the other guy is more perceptive than me and I get an...itching? Yeah I guess that's the best word for it. Anyway, it's like there's something I know but don't know, like walking into a room and forgetting what you came in there for. It bugs me to no end sometimes.”

 

Steve felt a little better having someone to commiserate with in times like this. Plus, Natasha was in the office watching the video feed from the Shield Jet and staying on coms with Clint and Phil. She would know if something happened. The omega tried to take a deep breath, nothing was going to happen. Bucky was there, Phil, Clint, and the Shield team. Tony was capable; this would be a milk run and his alpha would be back in their bed tonight. Tony would be there to tuck in Peter and Wendy, to tell them stories with the voices.

 

“Thanks Bruce, it really helps to have you here.” He said putting a hand on the doctor's shoulder.

 

Banner blushed slightly, he still felt odd receiving praise. “Your welcome Steve. Honestly, anytime you need to talk I'm here.”

  
Things felt calm for a moment few as they began setting the table . Napkins folded and silver wear in place, bowls and highchair's for the little one. It was repetitive and Steve needed that sometimes. The order of domestic ritual calmed him down. Only this time it didn't last. That 'bad feeling' Steve had reference in the kitchen, bloomed into full blown panic.

 

Fear came on so suddenly- slamming into his chest like a truck almost stealing his breath.

 

It felt like going into the ice all over again. A spike of white hot blinding pain through his bond. Steve wasn't the only one feeling it, as the soldier hit his knees amid the shouts of children he looked up. There just a few feet away was Loki clutching his own chest with wild eyes, sharing a look between them said it all. Something was wrong, very very wrong.

Loki was torn, part of him wanted to stay and comfort the now panic-stricken pups and distressed omega. He fought his own emotions and the tug of his bond just to stand up straight. Steve was fairing far worse it seemed which meant Stark wasn't fairing as well as his James. Loki felt guilty for the sigh of relief at that thought. He did his best to help Pepper gather the children away while Bruce saw to his packs lead omega. This was not easy as little Peter and Wendy wanted nothing to do with being away from their barer at the moment.

From the corner of his eye Loki caught a flash of red hair in Stark's office. Natasha was speaking in hurried tones over the communications link to the field team. His keen hearing picked up the alert from Coulson's team. Things where out of hand, more Hydra soldiers had arrived and Barton had joined the fray. More troublesome than that however, was that communications with Stark and James... were down.

* * *

 

 **~07 Mama I’m comin home – Ozzy  
** “What the hell does that mean for us?” Barnes said, looking around the corner to see Mallen standing up – his body regenerating.

 

“It means I'm about to do something very stupid.” This was looking about as bad as things could and Tony had to make a choice.

 

Before leaving the Tower, he had Jarvis analysis the flaws in Extremis and reworking the code. The errors were small but enough that it made the package volatile. To use the extremis Maya had sent him would have been suicide. Mallen was prime example of power begetting madness. Her formula, while elegant, wasn't perfect and Tony Stark was a fixer.

 

Tony was able to prefect it and was holding it as a last resort. He knew the moment Mallen was able to overpower the suit it was going to end this way. There was to much to risk, it was either get the competitive edge on this psycho or both Barnes and he die.

 

James looked back to see Stark open a panel on the side of the gauntlet, inside was a syringe of silvery looking liquid. “Stark...the hell are you doing.” The question was moot really, James knew by the look on the other mans battered and bruised face that what ever was in that cylinder wasn't B12.

 

“Gotta fight fire with fire right Buck, you know I'm right. We can't stop him- not like this. Your arm is grinding and squealing louder than the breaks on a college kids used Toyota. The suit is done and do you really think that Agent and his band of merry men are really going to stand a chance against Tall Dark and murdery over there?”

 

Barnes wished he had something better to say, Mallen was now standing and things are looking even worse as the once human flexed his hands and grotesque claws grew from his charged looking hands. “How long do you need.” He asked chancing a glance out a shattered window. Outside it looked like Coulson and his team are taking a beating as more hydra goons arrived. They were knee deep in this and the only was out was to just trudge straight through.

 

“This modified version should act pretty quickly, it might...get messy though. Buck...I, I need you to promise me something ok.”

 

“Hell no Tony don't you start that shit with me.” The soldier snapped. “You are going home even if I have to drag you back in a muzzle you got that!”

 

Tony smiled as he pulled the cap from the needle with his teeth and spat it across the way. “Crystal.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried, please hold your negativit, corrections, and flames where the sun don't shine ^_^


	10. Chapter 9: Man or Machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Some Strong Superior Iron man feels here. Don’t worry though, this will carry for a few chapters possibly. BTW thank you all for your continued support. As an unrelated note, I have started posting new Gamma Frost and Stony as well as a Harry Potter one-shot work, so please check those out if you are interested.

**~01 Iron man – Black Sabbath**

As soon as Stark depressed the plunger, the chemical equivalent to magma was gushing into his blood stream. As if his nerves were on fire and his flesh was turning to ashes.

Consider the worst pain you have ever felt and multiply that by a thousand. Even then, you’re still falling short of what even a breath of this was like. This was worse than the shrapnel in his chest, worse than the water boarding, worse than the car battery he had to tote around or die.

For a split second, Tony thinks he's made a mistake, a single dreadful error and now this shit was going to kill him. Maybe his calculations had been wrong and holy hell if they were; he was beyond fucked. There was no way Barnes could fix this or even attempt to save him from the flood of nanotech rewriting his system.

His heart shuddered painfully in his chest and his mind reeled.

It was over wasn't it?

 

Tony thought of Steve, beautiful with morning sunlit hair and sinful with kiss-swollen lips in the moonlight. His omega, the other half of his heart. The one thing he couldn't live without – having to go on with out him. Tony thought of his kids, Peter graduating from MIT, Wendy would go to West Point of course – she was her papa's girl through and through. He'd miss it; he'd miss all of it and then...then that last fleeting horrifying thought. What if there was another even now? A child whose face he would never even get to see and that...that is what cut into him like a red-hot knife.

He promised, every time he left and suited up he always promised he'd do his best to come home. “M' sorry…m' so sorry.”

Falling over onto his injured side didn't help matters, letting out a sharp cry as his hands scrambled and shook trying to pry at the battered scrap of the destroyed armor. Then, suddenly out of the haze of terrifying pain, there is a hand pushing his away, Barnes...helpful little metal middle finger buckaroo was ripping and pulling at the armor until it clatter on the filthy floor around them.

It was getting too damn hot and the weight of what’s left of his armor felt like molten metal on his too tender flesh. His vision whites for a moment before returning with the throb of his own pulse racing through his temples. It's so strange hearing the roar of his own damaged heart. He wonders briefly if it will even stand up to this kind of torture or the poor little gin soaked thing will just give up before Extremis can do a damn thing.

Wouldn't that just be his luck?

“Barnes…B-buck...” He chokes and tastes hot coppery sludge spill over his lips. Tony can hear Barnes changing the clip in his weapon and doing his best to hold down the fort for the both of them. Super soldier or not – Barnes isn't a match for Mallen, not anymore.

 

“Christ Almighty....” James says and Tony realizes he must look like shit for one of the Brooklyn boys to take the Lords name in vain.

 

Stark looks down at his hands in horror as the flesh bubbles and turns a bright red. The burning mass that was once his hands then shimmers for a moment from gold to silver... “What the hell...” his words crack as another rush of black blood forces its way up his throat. Tony barely manages to turn on over and not asphyxiate on the bile and blood. Looking down at the mess he starts to think its a lot more than just breakfast...it looks like bits of organ, then suddenly it all makes horrible sense.

Hansen's voice breaks through the intense flair of mind numbing agony. _“Extremis at it's core is perfection, but perfection that is measured by the user. Some people could use it and become super model beautiful and others well some people value things less beautiful. Extremis knows what you want, what you need deep in your subconscious and it interprets that into physical reality.”_

What he needs...he needs to live. He needs the suit.

His own voice from days long past echoes around in his shattered mind. “ _What you don't seem to understand… is that I Am Iron man. The Suit and I are one!”_

That's it.

Tony feels like a ton of bricks has been dropped on his head. His skull feels like its splitting open because he can see...he can see and hear everything and its too much, Satellite networks, news feeds, social media junk, and radio chatter filling his ears. “Stop...Stop …please god ...” He's jerking violently, howling in pain then everything just goes black and that makes it worse. His first thought is that he's blind. How was he going to be of use to anyone if he was blind?

 

“Stark wake up! Tony come on man! COME ON! ” that was Barnes shouting so damn loud, placing a steady pressure on his chest. He reaches out for it and tries to open his eyes. “I can't do this on my own Tony. You don't give up! You fight that shit you hear me! We got a mission to finish soldier! ”

 

Tony wants to say he's not a soldier, wants to come back with any number of quick witty retorts, but all he has is static in place of words. Like rebooting a computer, his brain was just fuzz and colors while only the basic systems were online. What he wouldn’t give to tell Barnes that he doesn’t want to give up, he won’t give up. They just need a little more time.

There's more gunfire and sound of laughter. Mallen knows how screwed they are and he's just playing with them. Toying with them like a cat with a mouse and that pisses him off more than anything. How dare he, how dare that sack of shit think he can do this.

Rage, so much rage. Starting low in his stomach and filling his core and limbs with heat, rebuilding his bones and nervous system.

Abruptly, its like someone cut the lights on and the room flares back into reality. His vision seems a little off though, red around the edges and almost too sharp in contrast.

Then it all seems so clear, he's always longed-for this hasn't he? Always thought he could be more than this. It was a natural progression wasn't it? Keep up or keep out, he'd toyed with the idea of bio-mech for years but something always held him back.

 

‘ _ **I’m the most intelligent, capable person on the planet.’**_

 

All those pathetic feelings of not playing god and not crossing that invisible line of what was too much. How foolish, nothing was too much! The world needed progress it and sometimes you had to burn away all the old to rebuild the new.

 

‘ _ **I’m not playing God…all this time, I’ve been playing human.’**_

 

Now he can't understand what took him so long, because this? This is perfection; this is that better living through science that his old man always talked about.

 

‘ _ **I've been doing this for you. For all of you. I have wasted so much time. So much energy. To look like you — to sound like you — so that you specks feel comfortable around me. ’**_

 

Flexing his fingers, the burn eases to a dull hum, he breathes in and the air has never tasted cleaner in decades. How could anyone live with out this?

In the next moment, he's standing up and Barnes is calling him an idiot and shouting at him to get down. No, he's not an idiot not now… he was before to think that it would never come to this. Honestly, he should have done this years ago. “Relax Sergeant, go out and play with the other kids, daddy has some work to do.”

* * *

**~02 Shattered – Trading Yesterday**

“Tony... Tony, no... NO! Please... no Please!” Steve finds himself on the floor and he can hear the kids crying in the other room. Peter is screaming and Wendy keeps calling for him, he cannot help them and God Bless Pepper's voice trying to comfort them. He wishes he had the strength to, for all he has it has become worthless now.

Steve glares at the tiles below him through tear filled eyes. “This isn't...it can't … no. It's not....” He doesn't even know how he got down here but he is. Then there's Bruce at his side and surprisingly – Loki is there too. Concerned eyes and helping hands trying to hold him up but those aren't the hands he wants. The rough hands of his alpha that can turn to satin. That’s what he needs, the reassurance that this is just a bad dream. He pinches his eyes shut and sends up a silent prayer that this is a nightmare. ‘ _Dear God let me wake up, please Tony wake me up.’_

 _  
_However, this wasn’t a dream, life wasn’t that kind.

He can feel it… the one thing he has feared more than anything else can in this world. “He's ….he's dying I can....” He can't say it, the air won't fill his lungs and his chest is burning. “Feel it...I can feel him...no. not him…please God. Please!” He's sobbing great ugly cries and pulling at his own hair. It feels like someone has sunk hot metal hooks into his chest and back and started to pull from all sides. Like every wound he's ever suffered is opening up and he'll never be okay.

Not after this. The ice didn't kill him but this? This was going to destroy him because Steve has put too much into this; he believed in this life and gave every piece of himself to it. Every thing in him Loved Tony. He would have never believed in loving someone that much, never in a million years and thousand lifetimes. Then it happened, it crept up and crawled into every corner until all was left belonged to brown eyes and rough hands.

Somewhere in the dregs of his mind, he remembers vaguely the screams that echoed through the old tenements. Wails of the bonded omega just a few months into the war. They didn't need a telegram from the war office or a Chaplin in uniform to break the news gently. When a bond was strong, you knew.

Glaring up at the ceiling he trying to remember how to breathe, having not felt this helpless since back on that ratty cot in Brooklyn. They haven't had enough time it would never be enough but not now. “Tony, no please...someone please... Bruce ...please…” He doesn't now why he's begging or what the hell anyone can do because even now, he can feel Tony slipping away and there's nothing he can do. Steve can't even be there to hold him. Tony... his alpha is out there alone and dying and he can't do a damn thing to stop it.

Steve doesn't even know he's screaming and banging his fist on the floor breaking up the kitchen tiles with his strength and cutting up his hands. Loki can barely hold the blonde still even with the alien omegas own strength.

 

Loki feels it to, feels James and the bright bloom of pain in his shoulders and back. More and more pain as he lowers the mental shield he usually keeps. He needs the information despite the pain. James is afraid and that in itself is just wrong because Loki likes to think his Alpha to be as fearless as they come. He can't just stay here sitting on his hands, he won't become like Steven. Not while he has a chance to do something about it.

 

“Bruce is there anything you can do for him?” Loki prays there is because he's seen men go mad before and if Stark is truly dead then the children will need their surviving parent all the more.

 

Banner is already calling out orders to the towers AI, “I can sedate him... mildly at least. It won't last long, maybe long enough to get him into a safe place. Natasha would be better at soothing him with her pheromones than any drug can.”

 

“Do what you can for him, I’m leaving.”

  
  
“What!” Banner would no doubt be on his feet trying to stop him if it hadn't been for the crumbled mass of Omega now looking on the verge of vomiting.

 

Loki doesn't even look back at the beta, his shoulders straighten and he makes his stand. “I will not stand idly by Doctor Banner, I am a prince of Asgard and warrior by right.” He glances back and feels a tug in his heart watching Steve suffer. He moved closer once more and kneels down taking the blonde omega's chin in his hand. There isn't much he can do for Steve, but perhaps this will be enough.

“Look at me Steven, I will bring them back. On my honor, what little of it I may have – I swear to you that I will bring them back.” He did not promise to see that both would be alive, Loki knew that even he could not promise such a thing. Even so, he would be damned if his Alpha and Steve's did not see a proper burial. That much he could do.

In the blink of an eye, Loki was gone.

* * *

**~03 Anti-Everything – DED**

“I can be there in five maybe less…”   
  
“Agent Romanov you will stay put!”

“Damn it Phil!”

He hated having to do this to her, after hearing how bad off Steve was since the coms to Stark went down. He knew how much Natasha cared about her pack but that was exactly why she needed to stay there. “You and Banner need to stay there. You know I’m right.” It was beginning to look like Hydra had anticipated their arrival; if they had, they may also attempt to infiltrate the tower.

This was not the best time for the team to be overwhelmed, there other heavy hitter was off world and the back up members like Sam and Scott were out on separate missions. Steve would be handicapped should something happen to Tony. That last thought wasn't something that Phil wanted to touch with a 10ft pole.

As annoying as Stark could be at times. The man had this strange way of worming his way into your heart. If anything happened to Tony they, the whole team would be thrown into a tailspin.

 

“I know...” Natasha responded dejectedly.

They all knew this wasn’t looking good. Reinforcements had arrived in a flood as soon as the coms went down. Hydra had new cloaking tech and that was a huge oversight that they did not need right now. His team was doing their best to hold things down outside but it was clear the swarm of LMD and human agents was just a distraction from what was happening inside the warehouse. They didn't want the SHIELD team anywhere near the main attraction. Whether that was to tip the scales in their favor or not remained to be seen. Some how Phil didn't think so, Ada or 'Madam Hydra', was far too logical to think a few agents would make that much of a difference in aiding two Avengers. This felt less like a tactical decision and more like a scientific one.

 

She knew what type of altercation she wanted to see.

 

More and more, Coulson was starting to wonder if they had dropped the ball on this a lot sooner than they all thought. Had Hydra been watching and waiting for this moment to insure who would be on deck? Could this whole thing have been a play to take out Stark and Barnes specifically?

Removing the head alpha of the Avengers would have been hard on the team no doubt. They would have rallied however and come back stronger than ever in their anger. Taking two of the most important people to Steve Rogers though- that sounded more like a Red Skull plan than anything Ada could have come up with. Perhaps she hadn’t anticipated the Winter soldier at all? For a mission like this it was usually Steve and Tony or Steve, Natasha and Sam. Perhaps Captain America had been the target all along. However, there was the tie to Hansen - an old associate of Starks. It had to be that Hydra wanted to take down them both at once.   
  
Or maybe this wasn’t about killing anyone and all about information. A test of sorts. If you have stolen new tech that has never been tested - surly you would put it through it’s paces before using it in an important offensive strategy.   
  
Madam Hydra, or rather Ada. Wasn’t human enough to have the same grudge that her garnet faced predecessor had. She was just seeing if her new toy was worth the effort. It wouldn’t have mattered who showed up.

Musing over motivations could wait however; right now, they just need to make it out of this alive. With luck, they might even weed through this onslaught and get into the warehouse. The problem was they needed a game changer and fast.

With the commotion and gunfire all around them, Coulson was surprised that he didn’t miss the subtle change in the atmosphere. An electric feeling that made the hairs on the back of your neck rise. Something he had felt only once before.

“Phil…Phil are you there? Bruce said that Loki’s …” Natasha voice was a little late as Agent Coulson looked to the center of the battle and saw a shimmer of gold before the man in question materialized.   
  
“Yeah, I found him.”

 

For good or bad, this wasn't like the Loki Coulson had seen before.

Honestly, he was happy that it wasn't the gold and green armor of the fallen nobles’ previous invasion garb. No towering helm or rather obnoxious cape. In there place were jet-black leathers and dark metal bracers. The man looked more like an assassin than a Prince. Twin blades sliding into his hands as the Ravenette stalked through the fray.

Loki's arrival on the scene wasn't unwelcome, truthfully –his power could easily turn the tide. Coulson wasn't going to stop the Hail Mary pass by any means, but it was unusual.

Loki had been clear that he swore no allegiance to SHIELD. Reformed or not Loki had always maintained that he was not a soldier or a puppet, he would let Barnes play the good company man but he would not. Yet here he was in the middle of the firefight between Shield and hydra. Then again, Barnes had always been able to handle himself in the field. If Loki was here then things inside must be worse than they thought.

“Never thought I'd be happy to see him.” Clint commented, notching another arrow. He was pinned down with Phil; the rest of Coulson team is working overtime.

It had been a sentimental move at best- when things went to hell that the Archer had immediately sought out his omega. Phil might take him to take him to task for it later but in the moment, it was sweet.

“I'd have to agree with you there, but I understand why.” Coulson said dropping an empty clip from his pistol. “I'd hate to be hydra right about now.” It was clear to anyone watching that Loki had one goal in mind and regardless of what or who was in his way he'd get there.

Watching the former villain in battle form was a lot like Thor, only a lot less brute force and a lot more grace. To be clear, if you had to compare Loki's style to anyone's' it was probably the closest to Natasha's. He moved with a deadly sort of grace, like a dancer as he dipped away from blows and pivoted around obstacles. The twin daggers whirling between his fingers, sometimes departing his hands with lethal velocity and into the bodies of surrounding assailants. The knives where then called back to his palms by an unseen force.

Anyone on Asgard would have criticized this technique, not seeing magic as a very masculine talent, but the agents of Shield moved aside in awe – if not a little bit of fear. Nonetheless, there was more to Loki's sudden aid – something dark that they could all feel. Something that could easily spin out of control and create an even larger problem than the one they were already facing.

Systematically, each of the ravenette moves became more violent. The longer it took to cut through the Hydra forces the more rage lay on the omega's face. Even Coulson's team had to be sure to get out of the way, lest they be caught in the crossfire. The fact that Loki came into this not knowing that some of his victims were androids was troubling because he was clearly out for blood. It almost seemed to annoy the man when he realized that a number of Hydra's forces were not flesh and bone.

The visceral growl issued from the omega as he tore through adversary, becoming more furious when one managed to shoot him.

Coulson realized Loki might need to be stopped when a group of Hydra tried to swarm the omega. What they got was a lot worse than just a pair of daggers. Loki seems to grow almost animalistic, his face twisting into a snarl and eyes turning blood red. A Cobalt blue color began creeping up his hands and neck. Spires of ice shoot from the tips of the daggers, impaling the hydra agents to the ground.   
  
“Um...Phil.” Daisy questioned. She knew all to well how easy it was to lose control and let anger and hate take over. While she didn't know much about Loki, aside from the obvious, she respected Barnes enough to not want to see anything happen to his Omega. “As much as we need the help I think our alien wing-man needs to calm the hell down.”

May interjected from her fallback position keeping Hydra away from the jet. “Let's give him a chance Daisy, There is a lot more at play here. We don't know what Loki is feeling through his bond with Barnes and getting in front of him might be more trouble than it's worth.”

* * *

**~04 White flag – Bishop Briggs**

A achromatic variant of the Iron man suit, which was now not really a suit at all, hovered just a few feet from the ground. Barnes found himself backing up and out of the way, not wanting to be in proximity of this final showdown between powers far beyond his own imagination.

James had a feeling this wasn't going to be pretty.

 

His first thought when seeing Stark, had been of the white knight in Alice in wonderland, or perhaps an avenging angel. Something sleek and perfect, almost too perfect with it's gleaming lines and light. There was something Barnes couldn't quite put his finger on, a subtle wrongness. Maybe it was in the other man's stance as bright rivers of turquoise danced around the opalescent plating. An air of arrogance that the media often portrayed the genius Alpha to have, an arrogance that all of the Avengers would tell you was stage Bravado at best and over confidence at worst.

This wasn't Bravado whatever this was, whoever this was...they believed every word. This man; if it was still a man, held himself like a would be god high on the mountain top. Untouchable and unapologetic over the prone figures of his subjects. There was a coldness that sent a shiver through the soldiers spine. He had seen men like that, men like Johann Schmidt and Alexander Pierce.

It wasn't that James was ungrateful from his now insured survival. Intellectually he knew that Stark did what he had to so that they both could walk out of here. Even so, Barnes had seen men give up too much to win. Despite the playful animosity he often showed Tony, he didn't want to see anything happen to the man. In the grand scheme Stark was still family, James had grown to respect the eccentric inventor and even enjoy the other alpha's company. More than that he knew Tony was more than his inventions, more than his money or his fame. Tony was a good a man.

Barnes didn't want him to lose that part of himself, and right now...right now there wasn't even a shadow of the man that James knew.

 

“So, Mally dear,” Stark's voice echoed around the warehouse. His voice taking on a metallic edge that sharpened each phrase like a razor. “You wanna put your toys away like a good boy before I have put you in time out?”

 

“Fuck you Stark.”

 

Tony gasps placing a hand over his chest in mock horror, “Such language! I know someone who would wash your mouth out with soap for that. Come on, we both have extremis; well...you have the bootleg sad beta tester. I have the future. We both know how this is going to end.”

 

The terrorist snarled as long black claws split his glowing fingertips. “It ends with me killing the future.” Mallen had come to far for this and just because Stark had somehow gotten hold of the very same edge that he had didn't mean a thing. Stark was just another one of the governments lap dogs in his eyes. Another industry fat cat out playing hero, he could never understand what it was like for the underdog. Never see that this world was nothing but a cesspool waiting to be drained. There was no going back now, it was all scorched earth or nothing.

 

“Don't say I didn't warn you.” The metallic voice answers with a sing-song quality.

 

It pissed Mallen off all the more how over confident the avenger was. Good doesn't always win, life was unfair and cruel. He'd rip Stark limb from limb and show them, he'd show them all. Hydra would string the bodies of those gilded 1%er's from the roof tops and tear down the establishment. Chaos was the only motivator, the spark they needed to hit restart on society.

  
The clash was like two trains colliding when Mallen and Stark met head to head. For every swipe of the enhanced villain's claws an answering clang of unnatural metal resounded. The heat of fire and the pitching whine of repulsor blasts. There is an instance when Mallen seems to take the upper hand before Stark head butts him. Sending the would be villain tumbling back clutching his skull.

 

Barnes manages to drag himself against a wall of machinery and out of range of the superhuman war before him. Whatever Stark has done to himself has definitely leveled the playing field. Yet, James is worried if there won't be a bigger problem once the dusts settled. Extremis was something in a whole different ball park from the serum Erksine had created.   
This wasn't just enhancing what a man had in his heart- this was perfecting and creating. This came from the mind and the human mind was one dangerous place. James knew that better than anyone.

From his vantage point he could see there was something about the metallic blue glow of the mechanics eyes that seemed...less than human now.

If this was the cost of their lives, had he been right to let Tony pay that price?

 

Mallen, for all his posturing and talk of superiority a moment ago, knew that he had met his match and if he wanted to live to get stronger, he needed to leave. Trying to floor the hero with a barrage of kicks and flames proved useless. He could slow Stark but not enough. Going for broke, Mallen charged for the exit -hoping to overwhelm the now true 'iron' man in close quarters and let Hydra act as shields for a speedy escape.

His strategy was thin at best and easily readable. Especially now that Stark had access to all electrical communication for miles. It seemed Hydra's reinforcements were scrambling and the voice of an enraged woman was shrieking over the sound waves to 'secure the asset'. Tony wasn't about to let that happen. Hydra was a bunch of stupid little children who didn't have the vision for the future that the world needed. It was time he put an end to this here and now.

 

A single chest buster to the back put Mallen on his knees.

 

“Give up, sparky. I hear they have good pudding in prison. Three hots and cot don't sound appealing to you?” Stark chuckled looking at the bleeding remnant of a man struggling to stand. “Stay down Mallen. You get up again and I'll put you down for good.”

 

Mallen grin viciously, “Liar, you won't kill me. You don't have the balls Stark. You're a company man, government whore. You're just like that flag waving idiot. You'll talk big and read me my rights, then SHIELD and its little bugs will take me to some far off lock up. But ya know what's gonna happen?” Mallen laughed to himself, eyes glowing with malice. “I'll get out. And when I do...I. Will. Kill! Everything you love! And make you watch!”

 

“No. You won't.” Stark rose his palm and fired.

 

Barnes watched in horror as Mallen's head was disintegrated from his shoulders. The body – headless and spraying blood wobbling to its feet a moment before dropping to the concrete.

* * *

**~05 Hate me – Blue October**

Loki felt something lift in his chest as he kicked in the warehouse doors. His soul objective since coming here had been to make it to his alpha by any means necessary. Not taking into account how the fear and aggression could have affected him. Standing there his chest heaving and skin slicked with sweat and spattered with blood. Eyes half crimson and pallor littered with splotches of blue. He had no idea the kind of figure his off kilter appearance struck against the smoking battle field tableau behind him.

“James....” His voice quivers as it raises in question. Eyes darting around the various machinery of the factory floor.   
  
Barnes hobbles up to his feet, “Loki?” Sure enough, there stands his omega. Though unlike he has ever seen him. This Loki has an almost crazed look in his eye and for a moment...a moment that he wishes he could take back – James looks away.

 

Loki of course noticed the momentary look of disgust and worry that crossed his Alphas face.   
  
_He knows, he can see what you've always tried to hide. He'll never want to touch you now, knowing the kind of beast you really are- he must realize now why you've failed. There is nothing but death that can take root in you._

The once prince shook his head to dispel the laughing voice in his head. He has found James and that's what he came here for after all. He steps forward and sees Stark...or rather what’s Left of Stark. Tony is nothing like his former self. A frigidity seems to have settled over the man's features and it's enough to even make Loki shiver. He's seen that before in the face of a mad titan. The way the mortal stands there over the headless corpse and kicks it. Stark just seemed so...passive, was he even mortal now? He looked far to alive for the pain poor Steven had been going through.

“Loki, babe what are..what are you doing here?” James calls to him and is limping his way closer.

Loki wants to run because his limbs are starting to tingle from the outpouring of power and his head feels too heavy for his shoulders. Has it really been that long since he's done anything like this? Or is..oh, yes of course. Loki really hadn't been keeping up with that had he? How could he even ask his Alpha for that now? After seeing the look in James' eyes.

 

“Hey there reindeer games, ooo looking a little blue there scarecrow.” Stark's voice calls out, just as robust and annoying as ever.

 

Barnes pauses in front of him, probably to defend him, how kind of him to do so even now. Loki doesn't want that kindness though. He’s angry and sick to his stomach.

 

Sneering at the billionaire in his shining silver armor that's gleams under a spray of blood and gray matter. “yes it would seem so, then again perhaps I should ask you...one vile creature to another. How does it feel, to be a monster?”

  
Stark looks down at himself for the first time and the question sinks in. Its like changing gears in a car the way his mind shifts and he feels...shame. On the one had this new body is amazing, on the other it’s like there's something changing him.

 

Loki has no wish to stand here any longer, he has seen to it that the alphas are alive and at least he can deliver that news. Part of him breaks when James reaches out to him. Loki steps back from the pleading hand, he doesn't deserve it not now. He can't let him any closer, never again... “I'm fine...I can not say the same for you ...” He says quietly and Barnes looks like he wants to brush off the fact that he looks like 100 miles of bad road.

“Doll. Just let me..” he reaches out again but Loki's gone, shimmering out of existence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 10: Unprepared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I look back on this week, with the loss of Marvel creator Stan Lee, I look to these characters and what they have meant to my life. I can't say enough about how I have connected with this fandom and its vast universe of wonderful stories. All the lessons I have learned and the lives I have seen that in so many ways have mirrored the pain and isolation I have felt in different parts of my past and present. Marvel has been a way for so many people to find strength to move on from the hurts in their lives and onto something greater. We have read or watched characters who haven't always been 'good' or 'bad' find a way to be Better. Seen how friends, honor, integrity and kindness can shape the world and improve it. For that I can not say Thank you enough to all of the artists and creators who brought these tales to life. Mr. Lee, the fans will never forget you.

**~01 Gasoline – Halsey**

Coulson and his team returned to SHIELD headquarters while Clint delivered Barnes and Stark to the tower. Some of the SHIELD personnel had attempted to pressure Barnes into staying there for medical treatment, instead, the soldier begged off stating he would be better off at the tower.

Considering all the work his arm would need (that only Tony could fix) It was just easier. Not to mention his obvious aversion to the SHIELD med-lab. James more than trusted Bruce whom he considered pack, rather than some nameless faceless SHIELD agents. No thanks, all those cold tables and lights were just a recipe for disaster with a mind like his.

All the while, Stark was a quiet presence in the background, so unlike himself that it made the others, Barton especially, feel uneasy. Tony was always a flurry of motion and sound, to see him standing there so stately, felt...wrong. It was like looking at the suit in sentry mode 'the lights are on but no ones home'. That was the case though; Stark might have been there physically; mentally however, he was a million miles away.

Tony was still playing over in his head what Loki had said. Was he a monster? Looking down at his hands as he sat in the quin-jet, he contemplated every line and crease. His hands were his greatest tool and like a map to his life.

 

Yet now? Now they were clean slates, eerie in their perfection.

 

His calluses were gone, that scar on the back of his right knuckle from where he first built Dum-E back at MIT was gone. He was so proud of his goofy little bot, even if Dum-e could try his patience most of the time. Tony remembers how the school paper took his picture and he cut it out to send home.   
  
A few days later, Howard had sent back a list of all the flaws he saw in the grainy black and white newsprint. Tony had wanted to tear up the letter and throw it in the trash but then he noticed at the bottom of the list. In his fathers not so need scrawl _**'Now get some sleep you look too thin and you know how your mother gets. Take care of yourself son.'**_ It hadn't been an 'I love you' or an 'atta boy' but it was enough. He still has that letter, stuffed in a shoe box in the back of the closet, with all the other things it hurt too much to remember, but also too much to forget.

Letting his eyes linger longer, Tony found himself missing more. The little white mark on the palm of his left hand from falling down in Aunt Peggy's garden when he was ...what was it 5? 6? He still remembers cutting his palm on a sharp stone and how Howard just glared at him for crying and Maria had stood off to the side sipping her cocktail. Aunt Peggy was the one that picked him up and Aunt Angie with her sweet smelling hair had hugged him and bandaged up his hand.

 

That little mark was gone.

 

It was like looking at the hands of a stranger. Flexing each digit and thinking, 'these are mine...but not.' A little voice in the back of his mind answered his worries _' why do you care? You are perfect, you are strong and no one will ever be your equal. You are everything you have ever wanted to be and more.'_

 

Shaking away the sticky words he focused again, No...That was not what he wanted. He just wanted to make it home. Home to Steve and the kids, home to his pack and Jarvis and all the bots. Even butterfingers and that damn fire extinguisher.

That dark sleazy voice wasn't who he was, he wasn't some spoiled brat who thought he deserved better. Tony had given that up so long ago.

 

“Stark…say somethin' you're freakin' me out.”

 

Tony looks up and sees Barnes glaring at him. “Yeah well you don't look so hot yourself Robocop. Seriously, caught yourself in a mirror lately? Getting some creepy walking dead vibes. Don't make me start a ricktatorship over here.” He joked, his voice seemed to lack its usual easygoing edge though and the words fell flat and gloomy between them.

 

The other alpha shook his head and flinched slightly. “Trust me, I'm feeling like dried up shit. Hopefully the doc won't be to pissed having to patch up my sorry ass.”

 

“Nah, Brucy bun might say he's not our little first aid scout, but I think he likes it. Deep down inside his gamma radiated heart he loves putting band-aids on our booboos.” Tony said, thinking that now he'd probably never need a band-aid again.

 

When they finally reached the tower, Bruce of course was the first one out to check on them. Tony looked around for Steve or Pepper, hell even Natasha to be swift on the betas heels.

They were not and something about that made a cold feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. “Wow...what a nice welcome home.” Tony said, looking back to were Bruce and Clint were helping a limping Barnes off the plane.

 

Yet here he was, standing tall and looking 10 years younger and stronger than ever.

 

“Clint take Bucky down to medical. Jarvis has a room set up for him.” Bruce said quietly before turning his attention to his friend. “Pepper is with the kids and Natasha took Steve up to the penthouse a while ago, she‘s probably on the coms with Phil about now .“ He paused for a moment really looking at his friend. “Tony...damn it. Look I don't even know how you're standing here right now. Loki told us…”  
  
“Tall, dark and broody came back here?” He interrupts; as Stark is often want to do.

 

Banner, having long ago learned the art of ADHD Billionaire speak, brushes off the interruption. “Yes he came by to tell us you were both alive and on your way back. He wouldn't stay however, I think something was going on with him but considering everything that everyone has been through tonight? Well, it's not as if I blame him. Besides that, how...how are you here Tony?”

 

The alpha shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the hanger and into the small elevator that would lead up to the penthouse, Bruce following close behind. “I did what I had to do. Why are you disappointed?”

 

Bruce balked and crossed his arms. “No I'm not. That's not at all and you know that. What I meant is we thought you were dead Tony.” His tone turning somber as the pair made their assent. “Steve...he felt it. He was so broken Tony. I have never seen anything that bad, he was nearly hysterical with grief so I had Natasha take him up to your nesting room to try and calm him down. It was that or I would have to tranquilize him and the only thing we have on hand strong enough is Hulk darts. I didn't want to drug him like that.”

 

“Is...Is he ok?” Tony felt his heart breaking. Why hadn't he felt that sooner? The whole time he hadn't felt Steve at all. No pain, no fear...now that he thought about it. He didn't feel anything.

 

“I'm more worried about you right now Tones. What did you do?”

 

“Like I said...I did what I had to do.” Tony hedges, stepping over to the bar and filling up a glass. Now that he can focus on it he can smell the sickly sour of distress all over the tower. Steve must be ripe with it now and Natasha, as kind as she is, wouldn't be enough. He needed to be with his omega.

 

“ _Do I even need him? I should be out on the town right now seeing what I can really do”_ The thought flits over his mind and the glass shatters in his hand.

 

“Tony!” Bruce is there and he’s holding his hand looking confused. The glass hadn't even cut through his flesh. “Tony...you need to tell me the truth right now.”

 

Yes, yes he did because he was scared now. The voice in his head, these thoughts. ' _It's a natural progression, why be afraid of what is clearly so…so...Superior.'_

 

NO!  
  
“I used it. I used Extremis, a perfected version of it anyway. I had to Bruce, it was that or I... no Barnes too, we would both be dead right now and I couldn't abide by that! You know I couldn't do that!” His voice came out forced and frantic and poor Bruce, soft sweet grounding Bruce was holding his shoulders and leading him over to the sofa. “I had to.” He says again lamely as his head drops into his silken palms. He hates how they feel on his now unlined face.

 

Who is he now? What is he now?  
  
“Tony listen to me, you came home and for good or bad at least you made it. You know that we will all be here for you every step of the way.” Bruce says as he kneels down on the carpet in front of him. Gentle weathered hands touching his face and neck. “Right now I need to make sure that you're ok. We have no idea the affect Extremis might have on your organs, especially your heart and what it might do to the reactor.”

Stark shakes his head and chuckles humorlessly. “That's just it, I'm pretty sure I have all new organs. Don't ask me how I know that other than the mess I left on that warehouse floor. As for the reactor...” He pauses and taps at his chest. “It seems to like it, smoothed out the scars...not sure about inside. I'm ...I'm not sure about anything right now.” His hands shake as they did those first few months after New York.

 

“We'll figure this out Tony. I promise.”

 

In that moment, Tony believes Bruce, he has to believe him because he has to believe that this is going to get better, that he did the right thing when everything in his head is going a million miles and hour. He just wants to slow everything down again and feel like he used to. Maybe that's why he lets the beta wrap his arms around him, why he leans into his friends shoulder and just shelters there for a few blessed moments trying to pull himself together. He has to get himself straight so that he can be there for Steve. For the kids.

* * *

**~02 Skinny Love – Bon Iver**

Sitting alone on their bed, theirs...the word seems so peculiar now. Like this space isn't big enough for him anymore. Steve had worked so hard to put away that uncomfortable feeling of being too large for his skin. In this moment, he felt thrust right back to that scared kid who was suddenly walking around in a six foot frame he didn't know what to do with. Banging his shoulders on door frames and bumping his head in cars.

It's lonely and it's cold when you feel like you don’t belong anywhere. Like waking up in that fake hospital room all over again, years in the future with nothing familiar and everyone he once knew gone.

He had been so sure that Tony was gone and it was as if part of his soul was dead and then... then Loki was there with that empty expression and cold tone saying they were fine. That Tony and Bucky were on their way back and everything was well. However, it wasn't well was it?

Steve rubs the side of his neck absentmindedly feeling the warm smooth skin. The only scar his body hadn't rejected had been his bonding scar and now. Now it was gone.

If Tony was really all right then why?

Part of him wondered if everyone was lying, that maybe Tony really was dead and they all worried that he wouldn't be able to handle it. Therefore, they had collectively decided it was better for now to say everything was ok, and then maybe try to break it to him gently. This in itself was a little insulting. It wasn't as if he was some delicate little omega that would crumble and die. Sure, the shock of it had brought him to his knees and even now, it hurt, but now it was a numb cold somewhat hurt. The kind that had once kept him up at night dreaming about icy cold water filling his nose and mouth. Even so, He had endured that and he could endure this. Steve could teach himself to endure it, for the kids, for the team.

He was almost sure that everyone was lying, until the quin-jet arrived. Until he saw them. Now, sitting here staring at a photo of their family Steve doesn't know how to feel. Doesn’t know what’s real.

The door to the penthouse opens and Steve feels guilty for wanting to get up and leave. This is his Alpha, his love, his husband and yet...he doesn't feel Tony at all. It's as if all they have built is broken. Like this man, walking down the hall with such familiar footsteps is someone all together different.

A stranger.

 

“Steve, honey…”

 

That voice was Tony's, this is real, it has to be. It's real, this isn't like all those dreams when Steve swore his mother was there with Peter and Wendy and her once blonde beautiful hair was snowy white and she was the grandmother he knew she would have wanted to be. He was awake and Tony was there just behind him but....

“I thought...I felt you die.”

 

Weight settles on the other side of the bed and he knows it's Tony, he can feel the warmth of him from here but he can't feel anything. Used to, every time Tony was near him it was like wrapping up in a blanket from the dryer, this soft warm that settled over him and made him feel at home. Now it's just this cold open space between them and it's torturing.

“I know...I'm so sorry Steve. I just... I did what I had to do; you have to understand that there was no other way. I promised to come home to you baby, that's all I wanted to do.”

 

A shuddering breath leaves his lips and Steve reluctantly places the photo back on the side table. “I’m glad…that you're ok. You know that. But I can't feel you Tony. Our bond, you realized it didn't you? It's broken. I thought...I'm still not sure this is even real.” His voice breaks because damn it if this is just his mind-giving ghosts of comfort...if he really is that far gone what will happen to the kids?

  
The weight shifts and he can hear Tony walking around the bed and kneeling in front of him. He can’t look, Strong hands take his wrists and there is warmth there, it feels so real and he's shattering. He can’t, he can’t look and ruin the dream or hallucination. Whatever the hell this is.

 

“Steve look at me, I'm right here sugar, there is no where else I'd rather be.”

 

He does look, but looking doesn't make him feel better. This Tony seems younger, brighter, and sturdier. This man in front of him looks like the smiling photos in the dossier from SHIELD years ago. He wants to pull away because isn't this proof enough that he must be crazy? He doesn't want to though, he wants to sit in those chocolate eyes and feel these hands on his. “Tony...what happened. How are you here?”

Tony lowers his head in that shameful schoolboy way when he's done something he knows Steve won't like. “Things didn't go like we thought they would. I had to do something, if I hadn't...I wouldn't be here, Barnes wouldn't be here. I had JARVIS proof Hansen's work before we left. I had him run the formula backwards and forwards and correct all the errors. It was just meant to be a backup, I didn't even think we had enough time but then it was done and Steve...” He looks up and he's smiling. It's a little manic grin, like when he's been up for days in the workshop. “Babe I did it, I fixed Extremis and it's beautiful it's perfect the things it can do. It saved me.”

 

“But Maya said...”

 

“She was wrong, well her formula was wrong but I'm so much smarter than her.” Tony's standing now and pacing. “Babe look at me! I've never felt this good, I'm faster and stronger and I can feel everything! The tower, the coms, and hell I can tap into the whole fucking internet with just a thought!”

  
“What about Me.” Steve asks and he knows it's selfish because this is a damn miracle really. Yet it feels like one of those awful science fiction films where everything starts out good cause the mad scientist had come up with some innovated thing then it all takes a turn. Then it's just horror and screaming. He can't take that, can't lose Tony again.

  
“What?” It's so frustrating that Tony looks like he hasn't even heard him.

 

“Tony, we aren't bonded anymore…don't you get that? I'm so happy you're here I am but, it's like I don't even know you.”

 

Something on the alpha's expression turns sour, “Maybe you don't. Maybe the old me was broken and not worth knowing. This me…this is who you need babe. Can't you just accept this for what it is? I mean, you're getting a hell of a deal here.”

 

This is what he'd been so worried about and it's crystal clear, Tony is gone. Whoever this is...isn't his Alpha. “I'm sorry. I’m sorry.” Steve is up and he's fleeing from the bedroom. Tony isn't even following him and that's different too; “I'm going to stay in the guest floor with the kids, when you're feeling like yourself again let us know. And for the record Mr. Stark, I loved the man I married. I loved everything about him even his flaws because that's what made him mine.”

* * *

 **~03 Broken – Seether/ Amy lee**  
Laying under the gleaming lights of the med bay, James wishes this day would hurry up and end. He wants deep down it never started. Why did anyone have to go out and try and muck up the world? What purpose did something like that serve? Mallen turned himself into a monster, for what? Hydra? Anarchy? 

Now Stark ...hell, he wasn't mentally ready to touch that with a 10 foot pole.

There was one other thing he wasn't sure he was ready for but it wasn't like he had much of a choice – Loki.

Seeing his omega standing there with his eyes wild, blood and oil on his hands and face, eyes half red and skin fading from blue to white. There was something too wild and unhinged about him. James isn't sure what to do with that and he can't stand himself for now hiding it better. The way Loki seemed when he left...so … broken.

Sure, he knows about Loki's past, but this was the first time he actually saw what he was capable of. First time he'd seen even a glimpse of the man featured in SHIELDS files. Maybe it was stupid of him to compartmentalize who Loki was in those images from the invasion and the man he knew. Loki had been just as much of a victim as anyone after having been abused and brainwashed. It would have been the pot calling the kettle black considering all the deaths the winter soldier was responsible for. Even so, there had been a moment of jarring realization. A terrible clarity when all he could think of was the sweet sleep tousled hair of his omega and then this version of him, standing there ready for battle and unapologetic about the slaughter. There was something so painfully desperate in those eyes, a look that James knew well from his days on the run. It was the same look that glared back at him in dirty broken mirrors and fetid water reflections. He never wanted to see his omega with that look.

Thinking about it now he realizes how natural it was, the situation had gone ass over elbows so fast that Loki must have felt it. If their roles had been revered there would have been nothing to keep him from finding his lover and protecting him. James lets the guilt sink in, Loki was only like that because of him, only felt it because he couldn't hold it back.

All he wanted in that moment was to make it right, and maybe something or someone was listening because the doors opened and the one person he wanted was standing there.

 

“Loki..”

 

The omega didn't look up, he seemed so much smaller now in the cold hue of fluorescent. He looked...faded. For once Loki wasn't bothering to hold anything back and the wave of emotion hit the alpha like a tidal wave.

 

_**PAIN, AGONY, HELP ME PLEASE, IT HURTS PLEASE, I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE, PLEASE, PLEASE, I AM SO SO SORRY, PLEASE, I WANT TO DIE.** _

__

Everything that Loki has been hiding finally hits him and he feels like a failure as an alpha. 'Christ almighty...' he thinks, watching the ravenette trembling in the door way clenching and clenching his fists. There's a faint scent of vomit and sweat handing just under the forceful tang of cinnamon chewing gum. 'He's worried himself sick again and he didn't want me to know.'

 

“Doll, Sweetheart come here.” Sitting up and extending his now single arm. Bruce had taken the mangled remnants of his other arm down to the workshop. Despite being down a limb it didn't mean he wasn't going to try his best to save Loki because he can feel the omega at the end of his rope.

 

The long lean form presses against his chest and shivers. When did it get this bad? All James can do is hold on and whisper softly that he's here, that he's not going anywhere. “It's ok sweetheart, It's ok I promise.”

 

It's not ok though and that's what's so terrifying because all he can feel is how much Loki hates himself. How deep this feeling of failure has sunk in with razor sharp claws. Part of him wonders if he can even do anything to fix this now. Loki is so bad about holding in everything until he breaks. James had been so sure they were past that. He had done everything he could to let the other man know he was safe and loved.

Then again, Barnes wasn't exactly one to talk about his feelings either. So maybe they had just fallen into a comfortable silence and each built there own fences to protect them from each other. It was easier than sitting down and really digging into the root of the problem and airing out all of that shit that kept you awake at night.

 

James scoots over on the narrow bed and hauls Loki up next to him. “Lay down baby, that's it just lay down I won't leave ya.”

 

They're both exhausted and later when James wakes up alone he will wish he stayed awake a bit longer. By then he won't have a chance because Bruce will have already started a sedative IV to reattach a new arm. It always hurt like hell when they had to wire into his nerves and the muscles of his shoulder. He'd be too groggy then to ask if anyone had seen Loki, if anyone was with him because he didn't want the omega to be alone right now.

Slurred words begging someone, anyone, to make sure Loki was with Steve or Pepper, wouldn't make sense. Bruce and the med assistants would just smile and nod. “Don't worry Mr. Barnes.” they'd say and the world would fade to black once again.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ _Excelsior_ ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 11: Casting your pearls before swine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Warnings for Self-harm.

 

**~01 Say something -A great big world**

There are many reasons James doesn't like going to medical, number one (and most current reason) was waking up two days later. Why? Because apparently the new arm had what Stark called a 'quirk' and apparently electrocuted him at some point he did not remember. Oh but of course Tony pointed out that it was fine now and 'don't get bent out of shape Robocop.'

“Bent out of shape...I’ll show him bent out of shape. I'll bend his fucking neck outta shape. “Barnes grumbled, rolling his shoulder as he made his way through the towers garage. He had already tried to call home three times and got nothing but the voicemail. In another world he would want to believe Loki was just annoyed or in class. However, none of those possibilities was true, as he'd already checked his mate’s gps. Therefore, either Loki left his phone at home or he just wasn't answering.

 

There was also that dark feeling lingering on their bond. Anxiety and loathing that just made him grip the steering wheel a little too tight and if that cracking sound was anything to go by...they now needed a new steering wheel.

_One thing at a time Buck. One thing at a time._

If it was only just one thing, but it wasn't, was it? This shit pile they had some how managed to drown in was a whole lot worse than just one thing. The fact they never talked anymore, all the fights and petty arguments had been cropping up because it was too hard to sit down and find out what was really the matter. How many times had he just signed up for an op to be away for a few days? How many times had Loki volunteered to take some students out for a weekend retreat into nature?

When James really thought about it, the last year they only seemed to find time for each other during Loki's heat and the few weeks after were always tense because...the one thing they could agree on wasn't working.

 

Even now, driving out of the city as the lights and buildings grew farther and farther apart, he could still see the look in his loves eyes. Just like the fading city behind him, the glow in Loki's eyes had begun to fade with every ounce of bad news. Perhaps it was easier at the time to just file that information away. It was simpler to say 'he'll be okay...he's always okay.'

Loki had always managed to hold his head high, through all the muck and mire, he somehow came out the other side with as much class as grace as you'd expect from royalty.

Then again, Loki was a great actor. He could smile in your face and sell you ocean front property in Arizona while interesting a nun in contraception. He was that good. James knew it and maybe he could smell the bullshit from a mile off and just didn’t care. It was easier to put blinders on than analyze anything to close. Loki was fine.

No ones completely bullet proof, James understood that more than anyone did. Especially after this last mission. They could have died and then what?

He thought back to his omegas words before he left. “If you die...I'll burn the world.” That's a hell of a lot of pressure to put on a person. However, James knew better, Loki wasn't talking about the whole world...just his. What he was really saying was. 'If you die. It would kill me.'

 

A shiver ran down the alphas spine when he pulled down the gravel drive. Something was wrong, his skin was tingling and a sour taste rose up in the back of his throat. James didn't even turn off the car or close the door, when he ran up to the home.

It was unlocked, something about the door opening with a single touch made him feel sick.

Inside, Duchess was pacing in hall outside of the bedroom door leaving deep claw marks in the floor. The big cat like creature turned and whined when she saw him bounding over and rubbing her massive head on his hip. She was worried but knew better than to force her way in. “Hey girl, outside. Go outside, you did good go on now.” James patted her flank and approached the door.

 

He knew what it was the second he hit the door, a cloying scent turning sour. Loki's heat was early. “Doll, I'm here ok…I'm here.”

 

The bedroom was empty and nesting room was locked up tight. “Loki, I need you to open the door, can you do that? Loki?”

 

There wasn't any sign that Loki brought any food or water into the nest and from the smell, he hadn't left to use the bathroom either. “Loki can you here me?“ Nothing, James felt his skin crawl with images of pale cold skin and glassy dead eyes. All that pain Loki had been carrying around came crashing back. What if he’s done something…what if…No. No he wasn’t going to think like that.   
  
“Can you get up…Loki if you don’t answer me I'm breaking down the door.” There was a whimper at the declaration, a soft sound that seemed so beautiful because if he could make a sound he was ok. “ Sweetheart don't be scared. It‘s just me, Its James.”

 

A little bit of old fashion brute force and the hinges gave way. What he found inside wasn't anything he'd ever want to see again.

Seeing the one person in this world you love with every bit of yourself brought so low. Loki was huddled in the corner eyes glazed and covered in sweat and worse. It was as if he'd just...given up. Like something finally broke and he couldn't bear to put the pieces back together.

Barnes picked up his too light mate and carried him into the master bathroom. “Hey sweetheart, look at me. Loki?” Nothing. If he hadn't felt the ravenette's shallow breathing, he would have sworn he was dead. “Let’s get you cleaned up ok honey? Then maybe a little food in ya and I'll take care of you.”

 

Trying to disrobe and bathe someone who is basically catatonic wasn't the easiest thing in the world. Then there was a whole host of consent issues, biologically – as Loki's Alpha, he knew what would help the most right now but how could he even think about sex with his omega in such a state.

The bath was easier that trying to make Loki eat, that was the first and only reaction James seemed to be getting. Loki would turn his head away and whimper 'no...Please…please just stop.' every time James tried to get him to eat or drink. The omega was weak and shaking, he needed something in his system badly.

 

Looking back, Barnes couldn't even remember the last time he saw Loki finish a meal or have anything more substantial than a cup of tea. The alpha was kicking himself for not noticing it sooner. Had this really been going on for month’s right under his nose? Loki had that battle field like this, expended all that energy and then had his heat. No wonder he was in such a state. A tiny voice in the back of Barnes mind taunted him.

 

_You let this happen, he’s been fading right before your eyes and you looked away._

 

“Loki please, just try for me sweetheart.” He was desperate and didn’t know what to do anymore. The alpha was so far in over his head and the stakes were just too high.

 

James needed help.

* * *

 

**~02 Bad Intentions – Digital Daggers**

In the workshop, things were easier to digest. Tony could lose himself in the work, it had always been that way. When life became to hard, or things at Stark Industries was too frustrating. He could always count on the workshop to take his mind to a kinder more ordered place. Building and dismantling bits of machinery or working on circuits was like therapy. It was easy to understand and there was also that element of discovery. The amazing feeling when he made something faster, smaller, or more efficient.

He could feel all that and more now through testing his new limits with Extremis. Each time he uses it he feels euphoric. It's a high that he's never known before, better than any drink or drug that he's ever experimented with in his years of being a club kid and party boy. It's like sex, love, happiness and joy all experienced at once and when it's over...the world seems duller.

 

_**Why would I ever not want this? Why can no one see how much better this is? I could replace the entire avenger’s line-up. I could destroy all of Hydra...I could be a God.** _

 

It was then Stark turned to look at the row of his old armors, meaning to gaze on the past and onto better things, but that's not what he saw. Instead, the gold glare of blue glowing eyes ...his eyes.

 

“ _How does it feel to be a monster Stark?”_ Loki's words reverberating in his head. 

 

Tony stumbled back, the force of reality hitting him like a slap. “Christ...is that what I am...NO…I…” He was desperate to prove that Extremis was just a tool, just another upgrade. He was still himself. He was just the same as he always was only better; he was the man that Steve fell in love with. He was the man that carried around Peter and Wendy and tucked them in at night.

Snatching up a penknife the answer seemed so simple, “I'm human. I'm not a monster.” He could prove it, he could show himself how human he was. Driving the blade into his forearm and slicing through the taut olive skin. The alpha watched in horror as the wound shimmered and sealed before the blood even hit the floor.

 

“No.”

 

Now it was Steves voice playing like a broken record as he looked at the perfect unmarred skin. _“I loved the man I married. I loved everything about him even his flaws because that's what made him mine.”_

Tony fell to his knees and stared at the untouched arm. “What have I done...?” He can't feel Steve. He hasn't even seen the kids since returning to the tower. Had he even thought about then until now, the only time he'd left the workshop was to fix Barnes arm. When was that? He hadn't eaten or even drank and yet he felt no hunger or thirst.

Maybe Loki was right, he was a monster. He wasn't the man that Steve loved Tony doesn't even knows who he is anymore. This wasn't an improvement or an upgrade. It was a curse, One he had chosen so foolishly with out even thinking about the repercussions.

 

_**Who cares about that.** _

“I do...I'm Tony Stark..I..”  
  
 _ **No, you're superior. Just give in and be everything the old man said you could never be.**_ ****

* * *

**~03 So cold – Ben Cocks**

Driving back to the tower had been an ordeal as the traffic picked up around them. Barnes found himself wanting to roll down the window and scream. That wouldn't have been wise, as it seemed like every loud sound was making his omega that much worse. Every blare of a horn or sudden stop had Loki curling up more in the passenger seat. James was starting to wish he had taken Stark up on his offer to 'pimp' his ride. All of Tony's cars were equip with sound shielding and the very best interior sound systems available. Some soft music right about now might have help he thought. Hoping to mask the city noise outside the SUV. Plucking up some CD that Loki had left in the visor, some German folk rock thing that he could never understand but Loki seemed to always enjoy. Turning the music up to try and drown out the noise seemed like as good an idea as any.

“Every things gonna be ok doll. Don'tcha worry. “Said more to assure himself than Loki as James reached over and gently stroked the tangle of black hair. At least the omega wasn't shying away from his touch, that seemed like a good sign.

Thankfully, when they did reach the tower the garage wasn't empty. The worst thing in the world would have been to come all this way to find everyone had gone out to dinner or that Stark had packed everyone up to head to the coast for a weekend. Tony had been known to do things like that in the past after a hard fight.

It looked like everyone was still hunkered down post mission. The only greeting was from the towers AI as James was trying his best to carefully remove his mate from the car.

 

“Welcome back Sergeant, is there anything I can do for you?”

 

James sighed gratefully as he adjusted Loki in his arms. “Yeah Jarvis, Is the Doc around? Or Stevie? I need some help here.”

 

“I will notify them of your arrival. I've taken the liberty to dim the lights in the lift for a calming environment.”

 

Jarvis was a bigger other hen than Steve and Barnes was thankful for that at the moment. He hadn't even thought to contact anyone at the tower before leaving home. James was so far in over his head that the only thing he could think about was to take Loki somewhere secure, somewhere he too could feel safe. He almost wanted to laugh at how – any other time – if he would have said the tower felt safe, no doubt Tony and Natasha would have looked smug as hell.

 

In his heart of hearts this was the closest thing he had to going home to family. James has a vague memory of his elder sister coming back home once when she'd gotten into an argument with her Alpha. The way his mother and the other ladies in the tenement rallied around her and their house smelled of spices and warmth. Or the times when Steve was so sick and his mother had to work, how they would always welcome them into their tiny apartment. The way his mother would turn the living room into a nest with all the cushions, pillows and blankets they had before stoking the old oven to warm the place up. They would all curl up, his family and Steve. Somewhere in the shamble that now made up James' mind he had wanted that. He wanted to see Loki and his pups, Steve and his family, Natasha and her, hell even Barton and his little hellions – all together like that. There were nights when James could almost see it.

Right now it felt like any happy ending like that was a million miles away.

 

Stepping out on the common floor with the bundled mess of omega in his arms had set of a chain reaction. On his way up in the elevator, Jarvis had informed Bruce who met them almost immediately with Natasha not far behind.

 

“We've got him Yashka. Don't worry.” The red haired alpha spoke kindly, grounding him as he followed Bruce to the guest floor. “You did the right thing.” She assured. But somehow, James wasn't sure, part of him just felt like a failure.

* * *

 

 **~04 My demons – Starset**  
Leaving Loki with Bruce was the hardest thing to do. Even so, he knew the beta was the best person to take care of Loki right now and there really wasn't more could he do. There was a lot more at play here than just an early heat. A horrible helplessness settled over his shoulders as James slid down the wall in the hallway and sat with head in hands. Natasha, as quiet as she was sat next to them. She didn‘t speak for a long time, just sat there with her grounding presence.

 

Finally, she said something. She did the one thing he needed right then. She gave him a mission, something he could do to end the cycle of what ifs in his head.

“It‘s been shit around here. All the disconnect going around, we call all feel it. None of us have been the same since that day.”

 

James nods in silent agreement before asking, “How’s Stevie? “ he needs the distraction, some cute anecdote about the twins or any damn thing to not think about what’s going on a few yards away.

 

“Not good,” She says shaking her head. For once, Natasha does not seem like her normally put together self. She seems tired and a little older. “Tony is still holding up in his workshop; don’t even think he’s seen the kids. Jarvis doesn’t even have access to him anymore and Steve…well. He says he’s fine ya know, keeps his head up but I can tell. He isn’t okay. There’s nothing any of us can say. I’ve tried but Stark…the stubborn ass won’t let me in. Someone needs to knock some sense into him before this thing spirals out of control.”

 

“And you think I’m the guy for that job?”

 

She tilts her head back against the wall and eyes him, “I think you’re the only guy for it.”

* * *

 

 

 

**~05 Heavy - Linkin Park**

Bass drums throbbed like a heart beat as Tony sat in the center of an old beat-up sofa he had in the workshop. It wasn’t a song on his usual playlist it just played because he thought of it. A single line cropping up in his head as he stared down at the pen knife laying motionless on the floor and there it was. He could do that sort of thing now, Jarvis wasn’t even in the shop any longer.

It was just Tony.

 

_**You don’t need anything else.** _

He feels his heart beat quicken and sweat prickle over the back of his neck. “No I need J, I made him to help me. He’s …he’s always been there. I need Steve, I Love him. I love the kids. The team. I need them.”

_**No you don’t they are inferior. They are flawed, you can be the master of your own universe. The master of this one…if you wanted.** _

“That's not what I want!” Tony found himself shouting at nothing. Screaming and pulling his hair. His panic somehow shaken by a sudden banging on the shop doors.

 

“Open up Shithead! I got something to say, we can do this the hard way or the easy way. Your choice!” Was shouted just beyond the frosted glass.

 

Stark laughed manicly falling back into the sofa. “Fucking Barnes..of course...at least he has flare.” With a wave of his hands the doors opened. Tony didn't even bother trying to look like he wasn't falling apart.

James came marching in with a stern look on his face that reminded Tony of how Howard would look when he managed to set fire to something while tinkering in the old storage house at the mansion upstate. A glare somewhere between anger and constipation, one Tony was all to glad to point out as a rambunctious adolescent.

 

“Alright, it's time for you to get your head out of your ass.” The soldier barked, hands on hips staring him down.

 

Tony just chuckled humorlessly and rolled his head to the side. “Sorry buckaroo, think its in there pretty firm.” If Barnes thought his drill Sargent act was going to make a difference he was about to be sadly mistaken. Natasha had tried idle treats and bargaining and she didn't even make it past the door. Why did he even let him in.

_**He's a piss ant. You could kill him with the flick of your wrist. Or maybe just have fun with that arm of his. Get the Winter Soldier on his knees licking your boots.** _

 

“What the fuck did you just say to me Stark?”

 

“What?” Tony looked up ..had he spaced out. Must have. “Did I say something?”

 

Barnes tiled his chin up looking down at him like one might examine a bug under glass. “You told me to lick your boots. You about to have my foot up ya ass.”

 

“No I...Shit. I don't even know when I'm talking now. That's just fucking wonderful.” Leaning forward the alpha puts his head in hands. “Something happened to me Barnes. I'm in here because...I don't know if I'm safe . No maybe that's not the right way to say it. I Don't know if everyone is safe from me.”

 

Barnes doesn't have a comeback for that. Instead, he just sits down and picks up the little blade on the floor. “That why this is here? You thinking about checkin out Stark. Cause after what I saw in that warehouse I don't think this is going to do it.”

 

Tony scrubs his face and looks over, glaring at the instrument in the other alpha's hands. “No, it wouldn't. I just...had to know how far this shit went. I fucked up this time Buck, I don't think I can trust myself anymore. I shouldn't have...I”

 

“Shut up.” James bends the blade with his metal thumb until it breaks off. The little sharp flipping off into the floor with a tinkling sound. “We were gonna die, you were gonna die. Ya, maybe you bit off a little more than you chew right now. Sittin down here mopping isn't helping shit is it? Do you even realize how you good you got it? I would do anything to have what you have, healthy kids and a healthy mate.”

 

“Something wrong with reindeer games. He seemed like he was fighting fit last time I saw him.” Tony realized then that the world goes on outside the tower. Here was a guy who, for all intensive purposes was part of his pack. Barnes looked like hell now that he really looked.

 

“Yeah well, he's not. There's a lot of shit we haven't told anyone about and now its all coming back to bite us in the ass. I honestly don't know whats going to happen. He's...he's real bad off Tony. If I hadn't come back..well I'm just glad I did. You need to think about why you did this in the first place. Stevie and the kids.”

 

Tony stands up walking over to the workbench, picking up a photo of his family. “I'm sorry Buck. Trust me I know how lucky I am. I love Steve and I just wanted to come home. Our bond is broken now and...I didn't even think about that. All I wanted to do was see what else I could do. Sometimes it's still all I want, but I don't. This thing, Extremis, I feel like it's winning and it won't be long until there is nothing left of me.”

 

James is behind him in two long strides, heavy hand on his shoulder. “The you fix it. That's what you do, and we kick its ass cause that's what we do. Me, Nat, Steve, Clint, every damn person in this tower. We got your back, as annoying as you can be your my brother now. I won't let you down ya here me? Till the end of the line Stark.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 12: You are what saves me

 

**~01 Skin- Sixx AM**

Bruce had seen a lot of bad things in his life. War, pain, poverty and everything in between. It wasn't easy to shock the good Doctor, that wasn't of course to say he felt nothing when he saw such suffering.

Through the years Banner spent traveling around the world, just trying to stay one step ahead of the monster under his skin, he saw more than most. He'd done everything he could to some how be a better person, part of that had been doing what he could to improve the lives of those around him. The beta had extended his knowledge of medicine so that he could be help to people who where helpless. Those living on the street or too afraid to seek proper medical treatment. Whatever the case had been Bruce had been there when so many people were in their darkest hours.

He had seen omegas laying listless and alone, beaten or forgotten. Some too young carry children to term or too old. Banner had held the hands of the ding and fever fitful children. He had removed bullet wounds and sewn up lacerations. Of all that he had seen- suffering was never easy. Pepper was right about him, he felt too much for those around him. Even if his senses were not as keen as an alpha, Bruce could see the pain and desperation in another eyes.

The look in Loki's eyes right now.

 

Ringing out a washcloth and bathing the omegas brow once again, Bruce eyed the vital signs Jarvis had project for him. Loki wasn't well, it looked like this wasn't something as simple as heat sickness. This was something that had been going on under their nose for a while. The only stats he had on Loki where several years old, ones from just after the invasion. This information was doubtful at best to be seen as healthy, considering what Thor had told them. Even so, in comparison it was clear that Loki was worse off now than following the invasion.

Bruce had to wonder what role Barnes played in all of this. Part of his mind kept traveling decades into the past, seeing his mother nurse a black eye or covering a bruise. He didn't want to believe something like that was the case here, he wanted to believe Natasha when she assured him how much James loved Loki. Yet Bruce couldn't suppress the shiver of 'what if she's wrong'.

How many times had his father told his mother that he loved her? How many times had he seen them smiling and laughing, before the screaming? Bad men could be bad easily enough, but there were plenty of good men who made the same mistakes. Tony often talked about his Fathers drinking days. In quiet moments, Steve had confided that the few memories he had of his own father had not been the best. It wasn't an unfamiliar story, and maybe that was the worst part about this. How common place such violence often was.

 

“Loki, can you hear me? It Bruce, you're in the tower. James brought you...” He hesitated a moment. This was for the best, Bruce had to know.. “Do you want to see him Loki?”

 

The omega tried to move away from the comforting touch. “Leave me...just leave me...”

 

“Loki I can't do that, your body temp is too high and given what we know about your resting temperature it could be dangerously high for you. I need you to let me help you, and answer a few questions if you can.”

 

Loki stared back with glassy eyes. “What do you want from me?”

 

Bruce sighed and wrung out the rag once again. “I need to know, how are things at home?” Why did this need to be so hard, it wasn't like he was Loki's best friend. How likely was it the other man would even be honest with him. “Are you safe Loki? You can tell me the truth, if you don't want your alpha in here I will make sure you are safe. And..and we can get James the help he needs.”

 

Green eyes narrowed in confusion.. “Safe?...James...no, James deserves so much, he has tried so hard with me.”

 

The answer had been incoherent at best and could have easily been misinterpreted. Perhaps if he asked a bit plainer, “Loki, has your alpha ever hurt you? “

 

“No. he should though..he should leave me to rot.”

 

While this answer seemed a bit more cut and dry, it did not explain why or how Loki came to be this way. Then again, Loki was a master of disguise. They all knew how well Loki could conceal the truth if motivated. The problem was knowing the truth behind the motivation. “Loki can you tell me what happened?Is your heat normally irregular?”

 

This time the ravenette scoffed and groaned, pushing away with a weak hand. “Don't be stupid. If I had wished to suppress my heat I could have. You take me for one of your fragile mortals.”

 

“I don't know what you can do Loki. I don't think anyone really knows.” Bruce said looking over the readouts JARVIS was able to provide. “ However, looking at your vital signs right now you haven't been taking care of yourself. Not to mention the show I heard you put on in Texas against those hydra agents. I need to check you over Loki but I need your permission to do so. “

 

The omega didn't seem to care enough to answer, just turned away and tried to curl up away from the Doctor.

 

Not knowing what else to do Bruce pressed on, trying to convey the seriousness of the situation. “I don't want to have to ask Barnes if I can, not while your coherent. However, if I think you're in danger and you won't let me help you I will.” Bruce hated the idea that Alpha's still held the right to deny or allow medical treatment for their mates. With all the social advancements they still had a long way to go.

 

“Perhaps..Doctor Banner...I just no longer care.”

 

That made it worse, because perhaps that was another facet Bruce had already considered. If there wasn't an outside force causing the man such harm – then it was an inside one. Loki had done this to himself and had clearly been willfully neglecting his own needs for some time now. Weather it was a passive means of suicide or just poor habits due to depression that had gotten out of hand? That was the question. What was clear, was that Loki had fallen into a dark place. A place that even Bruce's medical expertise might not be able to pull him out of.

 

Bruce knew a lot about this particular form of suffering. There had been many a night and long day where he had laid in dark dusty hotel room or filthy little hovels, just wanting it all to be over. He had admitted to the team that in his lowest points he had taken an active role in putting an end to his life. An attempt that the other guy put a stop to. Bruce didn't know if Loki had done anything like that while here and Thor had always been tight lipped. There had been some hushed talk of an incident during Loki's incarceration. That had been a few years ago and from all outside appearances it looked as if things with Barnes had help not only Loki but James as well.

 

He remembered Steve's quiet worry for the Sargent.

 

“Ok Loki, I want you to rest for now. If you need anything I won't be far, just let Jarvis know. Even if you just want to talk.”

 

“Banner...may I ask one thing?” Loki curled up under the blankets, looking so broken.

 

“Sure, you can ask anything.”

 

“Why..why be kind to me.”

 

Bruce just shook his head and looked down at his own hands a moment. “You know, I asked someone that once. I didn't think I deserved to be helped with all that I had done. OR..rather all I am. But every one needs help Loki. Sometimes its not about what we think we deserve, but being deserving of what we get. I just want to help you because you need help, I hope that you will let me do that.”

**~02 I keep on lovin you – Reba McEntire**

Apologizing wasn't exactly something that Tony was well versed in. He was basically the King of never admitting when he's wrong. This time though, he was wrong. He did what he did to get home but part of him liked it – a little too much and that terrified him. Extremis was changing him, more than just physically and Tony didn't want that change to take away the very thing he fought so hard to protect.

Seeing Barnes had hammered that into his head. That poor son of a bitch might lose the only thing he had left and here Tony was- handed the proverbial golden ticket. He had a second chance at life and yet here he sat, pissing it away with what ifs and would haves. Sure, maybe he'd done one hell of a job at scrambling up is own brain in the process, but he'd fought back against worse hadn't he? Giving up right now wasn't an option, as long as he had what little was left of his own self then he hadn't lost. Moreover, there was a whole tower full of people ready to stand behind him to fight his way back to the better part of himself. All of these people were counting on him and Stark would be damned if he failed them.

Stark found his feet and before he knew it he was practically running out of the workshop, not even waiting for the elevator, taking the stairs two and three at a time. Not even considering the how far up the penthouse was from here, nor was he congratulating his own physical stamina- so that was a win. There was only one thing on his mind, Steve, the kids, home.

 

Crashing in through a service hallway outside of the private entrance Tony tried his best to refocus. The bond was gone but he was still an alpha, even with all this shit in his veins he wasn't going to let it control him, wasn't going to let it steal even more from him. Part of his brain growled at his petulance but he stood his ground.

 

There, sweet and warm everything that was home.

 

“Steve!”

 

“Daddy!!!” Two little heads popped up from the sofa and clamored over to him.

 

“Petey, Wendy babies...” Feeling a lump form in his throat as he hit knees and held his children. These are mine, this is whats important. “Where's Papa ?”

 

“I'm right here.” Steve was standing at the entrance to the kitchen holding a tray of juice boxes and sandwiches. “Peter, Wendy come here. Take this to your room and shut the door. “

 

Something about the blondes voice didn't exactly scream welcome home, then again Tony shouldn't have expected it to after what he'd been putting Steve through. As soon as the kids were out of sight the omega crossed his arms and lifted his chin. A challenge to even try anything remotely funny.

 

Extremis or not Tony knew Steve wasn't some pushover, if he felt there was a threat to his pups- Tony was going to get dropped kicked. Sure he might get up, but that didn't mean it would feel good.

 

“Stark.” Yeah still deep in the dog house.

 

Tony rubbed his palms over his jeans. “Honey...listen. I know this isn't easy.”  
  
“oh?” Squared up shoulders. He was really in for it now. “I really hadn't noticed, what with trying to raise two kids and keep the team together. Then Bucky and Loki showing up today, Loki looking about half dead and poor Buck beside himself. Did you know that? Or are you so inside your own perfection that it slipped your notice?”

 

“Of course I know, that's why I'm here. Barnes...we talked and he pointed out a lot of shit to me that I should have been able to figure out in the first place.”

 

Steve seemed to acquiesces, walking into the room and gesturing to the sofa. “Alright, I'm listening.”

 

Treading carefully, the alpha took a seat. His shoulders slumping under the steady blue gaze across from him. “Steve I...I'm not okay. I know that but...I wouldn't take it back. I didn't want to die there and miss out on all this. Please understand that I never meant to hurt you I just wanted to come home. I was so afraid...”

 

Tony hadn't realized the cracks in his words or the tears that came until large warm hands wrapped around his back. “Tony, I know. I felt you go and it nearly broke me. Then seeing you but ...not. This is you, for days this is the first time it's been you. I've missed you so much do you know that? I couldn't bare the thought of losing you all over again, waking up here everyday and seeing you – but not the real you was like torture.”

 

He clung to the omega burying his face in Steve's neck. “I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to fight this thing. Sometimes I can feel it, it's like another person in my head and the things it wants...I don't want that. I want our life, I can't do this alone.”

 

“You don't have to do this alone Tony. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you had to.” Steve pushed back and looked in hi eyes. “I love you Tony, but I will protect our kids, even if it has to be from you. I need to know the truth, what has Extremis done? “

 

Explaining the extend of the nanotech wasn't difficult. It was all technical and Tony had to do it quickly, telling himself it was someone else he was talking about. As if he was walking around in another persons body who had been rewired from the inside out. The percentage of what was him and what was tech – he had no idea. At least a good enough portion of his mind was still his, maybe because he'd been so damn hardheaded his whole life. Maybe because the most valuable thing about Tony Stark was his mind. At this Steve Scoffed and reminded him that that was not the case. At least not in his eyes.

 

“Tony the best thing about you is your heart. No matter what anyone says. You are still here because of this.” Steve said putting his hand on his alphas chest. “You won't lose to this tin man. Not even close. I won't let you .” 

**~03 Zombie – Bad Wolves**

There wasn't much Bruce could do at the moment, he needed to speak with Barnes and see if there was a way he could suss out how Loki ended up like this.

He wanted to believe the omega, but if he did that opened up a another set of complications. It's hard to save someone who doesn't want to be saved. For now, he had Jarvis monitoring Loki and at the ready to alert him should the man take a downward spiral.

Sitting alone in the living area of the guest floor, he couldn't help but think about his mother, about Steve, Pepper. The thought of Pepper in such a state unsettled him the most. Even if he wasn't the most perceptive of people he wanted to believe that he would notice if someone he loved was struggling like that right before his eyes. Then again...isn't that the nature of things like this? Hind sight is 20/20 and it's all those little things we dismiss.

Recalling Steve's concerns months ago, Bruce wonders if this is something they all missed. Something they all were too busy to see or worse yet – something they didn't care enough to see. Loki may not have been that forthcoming but still, he had changed over the last couple of years and they all just ignored that.

 

Thankfully before Banner could admonish himself any further Barnes entered the floor. The man looked ragged, well – more ragged than usual. “Hey Doc. I hope you got some good news, could really use it right now.”

 

“First, I have a few questions if that's alright?” Bruce asked, watching the other mans body language carefully. (He had learned a few things from Natasha after all.)

 

Barnes didn't seem to mind, saying as much as he sat down in an adjacent chair. He didn't have the look of a man with something to hide, then again – Bruce thought Darkly – Neither did his father.

 

“How have things been at home between you too, and I don't mean to pry but..well Loki seemed to know his heat was coming and said he could have easily suppressed yet chose not to. I might just be a beta so I can't speak to how uncomfortable that must be, however, I have studied the biological side of things and I can tell you that an unattended heat isn't something most Omega would choose. Moreover, his physical state over all seems to be in the decline. I have to wonder when that started.” 

 

James sighed and shook his head, sitting forward with his shoulders hunched and head in hands. “You wanna know why he'd willingly put himself through pain. Yeah...same here.”

 

“Look...Buck, I Don't know whats going on here. I'm just trying to make sure Loki is safe.” It was daring to put the veiled accusation out there like that. Given – Barnes wasn't stupid enough to post up and potential unleash the other guy. 

 

It didn't take long for Barnes to catch what he was asking, as understanding flitted across the mans face there was a brief flair of anger and then sorrow. “That what you think of me?”

 

“I'm not saying that, I just need to know.” 

 

“I didn't hurt him, I'd never lay a hand in anger on him Banner. No matter how bad things could get I wouldn't do it. If I thought that I'd lose myself like that then I'd leave.” The alpha looked up with such earnest eyes. “I Love him. We've had problems but that ain't one of them.” 

 

Bruce liked to think that he was a good judge of character, he had been to a lot of places and met a lot of people after all, so when he looked at the man before he knew he was telling the truth. Part of him felt bad for thinking otherwise. Yet to Er' is human isn't it? Maybe that's why Loki had managed to slip so far through the cracks. They all had their preconceived notions about the both of them. “Can you tell me what those problems are. It might help figure out how Loki got this way and maybe how to help him.”

 

The alpha sat back and huffed out a sigh, “I thought...well ok that's not right. I knew he wasn't handling things great but...We've been trying, for a kid see. These things just don't always happen right out the gate, I don't him that but Loki....When it wasn't happening..”

 

“I understand.” Bruce said, even though he really didn't. Not in the way someone like Steve or Pepper might understand. However he could understand the feeling of failure even if its just a self-imagined one. “I hate to ask this, but Loki doesn't want to be helped and I am worried if I don't what might happen. As his alpha you could request treatment on his behalf.” 

 

“He's going to hate that.” Barnes said shaking his head. “He can keep hating me when he's alive though. Do what you need to do Doc.”

 

**~04 What if I was nothing – All that remains  
** It felt good to be back in the penthouse, almost like nothing hag changed. Even though everything had changed. 

After spending a little while just acclimating back to the floor and reassuring the pups that he wasn't going anywhere, Tony finally had a moment to breathe. Tensions still felt too thick, he wished there was just a switch he could flip and go back to the life that felt worth living.

Steve had disappeared a moment ago, leaving him in the kitchen with a promise that he'd be right back. Tony stood there a moment just looking at the pictures stuck to the fridge. Colorful pictures titled 'my family.' and 'I luv papa and daddy'. He smiled softly running his fingers over the pages.

Where was Steve? He was taking a long time which wasn't like him because Steve was the proficient one between them. Tony felt an ache thinking that just a week or so ago he he could have sensed everything about his omega. Could have closed his eyes to feel that warm contentment Steve had when putting the twins down for a nap. Or the spike of adrenaline and wanting when they were alone.

Now, with the broken bond – Tony was just starting to feel the distance that Steve had been suffering all along. This new body didn't want him to feel it but it seemed at least that much of him was still willing to rebel.

 

“Steve? Sugar?” Walking down toward the bedroom Tony wrinkled his nose as at an acrid tang in the air. “Honey?”

His omega was leaning against the sink in the master bath, looking a little paler than usual. A distant voice wanted to point out how weak and pathetic this was, how could this be called 'Americas' first avenger'. Thankfully Tony trampled that down quickly. This was Steve not just anyone he could dismiss.

 

“Honey are you ok?”

 

“Oh sorry.. I'm still..I don't know adjusting. Bruce said it may take a while with the bond broken and since I just had my heat everything's out of wack at the moment.” Steve awkwardly tried to apologize. That was just like him to try and down play what he was feeling.

There were times Tony had wished Steve wasn't so damn self-sacrificing, then again look at some of the stunts he himself had pulled. Then something else occurred to the alpha. “Steve...could you be... I mean, hell I don't know if you could tell but..” Even the thought of this now worried him. “Could you be pregnant.” It was too much to hope for and maybe selfish considering the state of things in the tower, not just between. After the talk he'd had with Barnes Tony knew there was enough bad news to go around. He'd love to have one spot of sunshine right now.

 

Blue eyes crinkled pleasantly at him in the mirror. “Bruce says it's too early to tell, a few more weeks at least.” It wasn't hard to see how much Steve wanted this, but also how alone he was feeling.

It wasn't easy for unbound omega, that's not to say it was impossible. There were plenty of single parent household in worlds and omegas that would tell you they could do just fine by themselves. That being said, considering how difficult things had been with the twins it made Tony worry. He didn't want Steve to do this alone or to feel so disconnected when he needed him the most.

 

Tony reached for him and as if on impulse Steve pulled away. Something about the subtle look of fear in the omegas eyes made Tony snatch his hand back as if burned.

 

Of course, Steve apologize, “I'm sorry hun, it's not you I promise. Tony I know how much you're trying it's just...”

 

“No I get it, everything's off right now. I shouldn't have expected to come back here and be welcomed with open arms. Hell, I'm not even human anymore am I? “Tony shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders, pushing hard on that dark presence that screamed for him to stand up and take what he wanted. The arrogant voice that said he should go out and do as he please.

 

This is what he wanted. Right here in front of him was everything he ever wanted. “I'm sorry Steve, maybe...maybe I made a mistake.”

 

“Tony no.” Steve wrapped his arms around his alpha. This was Tony, if anything this was more so the man he loved than he had seen in days. The stubborn alpha that always tried so hard to hide how badly he was hurting. “I should have been with you. Maybe if I had been there you wouldn't have needed Extremis. I let you down and I swore I would never do that.”

 

“Sweetie, I hate to break it to you but you can fix everything by sprinkling a little Captain America on it.” Tony huffed against his shoulder before wrapping his arms around his husbands waist. Feeling Steve in his arms was the best medicine he could ask for. “If you had been there....Steve if something had happened to you or the baby. I would have never forgiven myself.”

 

Hearing Tony talk about the child they may or may not even have was sweet. “Really sure of yourself huh?” Steve pulled back just enough to look into the inventors eyes. “I might not be ya know.”

 

Stark smirked and leaned in kissing along the blonds neck, “I'm Tony Stark babe, do I ever do anything half way?” The answering rumble in the solders chest was enough to stoke the alphas ego. “I miss you baby, I want my omega back. Need you.”

Steve knew this might be too soon, maybe he should wait and watch Tony a little more. Be sure of who he was sharing a home with...but then, then there was that smile against his skin and those hands sneaking under the back of his shirt just like they always do. Damn his weakness but he wanted this back so badly that it hurt. Maybe this wasn't the time for strategies when Tony needed him so much right now. When he needed his alpha just as badly. “Jarvis, will you send the kids up to Clint's floor for the night please?”

 

“Of course Sir.”

 

 **~05 Bring me to life - Evanescence**  
Barnes was allowed to go in and see his omega after Bruce had done the best he could to make Loki comfortable.

Entering the bedroom turned temporary sick room, James was hit with a wave of depression and confusion. Loki was too weak to keep up his false face or hide from his alpha. It aches seeing someone you love suffering. All the agony and sadness nearly brought James to his knees right then and there but he pressed on. He had to stay strong now more than ever, no matter how terrified he was on the inside. Hey doll face. You had me so worried.” He speaks softly and strokes Loki's hair, Bruce said the pain medication was guess work at best, and not to be alarmed if Loki seemed disoriented. “I'm sorry if you're sore at me for letting Bruce help you. You know I love you baby and I just want you to be okay.”

Loki just stared at him with such a shattered look before closing his eyes. The omega had felt betrayed being treated against his will, on some level he knew it would happen this way. James wasn't one to give up, even u p on lost causes. It was almost sweet to know the alpha was still willing to fight for him. Given all that James had seen, all that he knew was broken about him...yet still. Here he was stroking his hair and speaking so softly as if Loki really mattered. God how he wanted to matter. “ James...” His voice was a withered broken thing that compounded his shame.

"Shh, I'm right here.” Barnes leans in to place a kiss on his omegas forehead and wipe away the tears escaping from Loki's closed eyes. “I won't leave you alone. We're gonna get through this together.” Loki trembled and choked on a sob forcing its way past his lips. “I'm sorry..so sorry. I've tried so hard, but I'm broken.” Why did everything ache, why couldn't he just die? “No..No you're not Loki, I want you to listen to me baby. You are not broken, you're just hurting and that's ok. I know now and I'm kickin myself for not seeing it sooner. You know I love you more than anything, and no mater if we have kids or not I'll have you.”

Even James was crying now and that hurt even more. Loki found himself reaching out for the man and sure enough his alpha was there climbing into the bed and hold him. Holding him like he was worth something, telling him he loved him and that it was all going to be alright. Words came spilling out him that were once hidden in the darkest reached of his own mind, words he never wanted to give the alpha. Yet he couldn't hold them back now as that weakness reared it's ugly head and tore down his carefully constructed walls. “I ache inside, I feel it every time. I want to give you children, our children. I never thought myself capable of that but with you...I want them so badly. I know it is so selfish given all I have done...all the lives I have taken – to want to feel life with in me. James I can't take it.... I can't take feeling this pain anymore.”

All Barnes could do was hold on tighter and kiss away the tears. “ We'll figure it out baby, the Doc can help. I need you to take a breath for me baby. Just breath.” It worried him how frail Loki seemed, how he was shaking apart in his arms. “Let me carry it all baby, you've held on to this for to long.”

It's hard to lay your burdens at the feet of someone else, Loki had always been he strong one. The silent shadow that bore all the ill will and shame with as much dignity as he could muster. However, even he had his breaking point. Curling into strong arms and burying his face in his alphas neck he tried to just breath. James knew it all and he was still here. He wanted to believe the man would stay but for how long. Maybe he should just take this. Steal this one little respite while it was offered and then maybe that would be enough.

James felt his omega relax and Loki's breath even out. It wasn't much but it was an improvement. He tried to be careful of the IV Bruce had put in on the back of Loki's hand. Gently arranging his sleeping love beside him, trying his best to keep him comfortable. The days ahead were going to be hard, this was one of those things that had to get worse before it got better. He wanted to believe Loki was strong enough, that he was too but then...he looked down at how far his lover had declined right under his nose. Loki must have been wearing glamours 24hrs a day for him not to have noticed this.

Pushing a strand of hair out of Loki's face he kisses him again. He'd go to the ends of the earth and beyond for this man. James just wished Loki could see that, he knew why of course. When he was on the run he'd felt that bitter stab of pain around his heart and the voices in his head that said 'you're worthless, you're a monster, you should have died in war.' James knew what that was like to find yourself in a grave you dug in your own mind. How easy it was sometimes to just cover yourself up and call it a day. Loki didn't believe him anymore but Loki obviously stopped believing in himself.


End file.
